Advice for Defeating Negative Thinking?

Thunder Peel · Jan 17, 2012

Hi everyone! :wave:

I've never really posted in this forum before so forgive me for barging in like this. I've always been a pessimist and a worrier by nature but one thing I really want to do in 2012 is to overcome this. Self-loathing and negative thoughts were a fun trend but after 26 years I'm beginning to see the damage they really do: in my walk with God, my relationships, my job, etc.

Obviously God has to help me with this and I know that time in prayer and in His word are critical; there's no other way to do it. Still, I know that there are some here who have overcome this and I would like to know what you did and any tips you may have. I'm not expecting an overnight fix but I've never loved myself or felt worthwhile before and I would love to know what it feels like. How do I stay positive? Is it possible for me to become a happier and more positive person?

Thanks to anyone who's willing to give input. God bless.

drjean · Jan 17, 2012

There is absolutely solid help to change negative thinking around.

Cognitive behavior therapy (yes, used by Christian psychologists

) has some great tenets to it... the very basics are some 10 - 15 common cognitive distortions...see link below.

First realize that you have 30 seconds to change a negative thought to a positive one, or at least stop the negative one, before the brain makes it "permanent". The brain actually creates negative thought "trees" that damage the brain...but you can remove them eventually... (Dr Leaf, Who switched off my brain). It's easier to prevent them.

How this is done is through "thought blocking" or "thought stopping". As soon as you think or hear yourself say something negative... counter it. At the link you'll see there are some key phrases to look for. The most common are those with "never", "always", "should", "ought" etc.

If you can replace it with a positive, called "reframing" that would be doubly good for you. So instead of saying, "I never do anything right" say, "That's not true" (thought blocking) and then "I do a lot of things that are very good and right!" (reframing to a positive).

Remember God tells us that whatsoever things are ...honest, true, lovely... think on these. Tell yourself--and others---good things of life, of God!

Now in addition to the above, you need to realize that you are dealing with your internal critic. Everyone has one...some are tougher on themselves than others, like you seem to feel you have. It's the critic's job to complain, put down, well--critique and criticize yourself. The problem is, it never tells you something in a good way! In addition to the above steps on the cognitive distortions (errors in thinking) and realizing what you are thinking and saying, then in your observing also notice that the negative talk is coming from your critic...and isn't true.
One of the hardest things to do is to counter that critic, because it's been in control for so long, you believe what it says! It's common to begin when you try to reframe to say, "well yes but..." Don't do it!

Say, "NO!" because the whole truth is that God loves you, and you are worthwhile just because He created you and you need no other reason. He wants only to fellowship with you, and doesn't judge you or upbraid you for not knowing something. Do your best and He's pleased. (And your "best" is not the all your life best thing you ever did... your "best" is what you can do right now, this situation, feeling like you do, etc.)

Be well.

10 common cognitive distortions & what to do about them - Forums at Psych Central

Habakkuk3 · Jan 18, 2012

I've struggled with pessimism myself.

God wants us to be discerning and realistic... but worry and pessimism are hurtful.

The Bible tells us what to think about. drjean alluded to Philippians 4:8 as one example.

We actually have to train our minds. Memorizing scripture has helped me reduce pessimism. Yes, the world is full of terrible things. Yes, I have wasted many opportunities. Yes, people have many downsides and are often annoying or disappointing. Yes, the bills are mounting up and terrible things are happening in my nation and world. But the overall overaching reality is a redemptive one. Pessismism and worry are seeing real problems, deficits, or dangers .... but seeing them out of context! We must train ourselves to see things in context.

Christ knew of the darkest of darkest things. He didn't worry. He wasn't pessimistic. You can see filth, danger, disappointment, and poor prospects if you zoom in to individual pixels. But when you zoom out, God has a redemptive purpose. We can't see everything fully in context like Christ does. But we can choose to believe that reality is exactly in accord with the teachings of the Bible. We can train ourselves to have an attitude and worldview that is consistant with how Christ sees the universe. God has given us the scriptures.

OnlyBelieve · Jan 18, 2012

You know, you can be joyful and have a dicerning heart. Whenever you see or think of something bad, look for the good in it. Like your pessimism. Maybe you have the gift of Intercession and you see things differently so you can pray about it. This is a Great Gift. Keep telling yourself, "I am wonderfully and perfectly made in the image of God" Because you are. Say "Satan, you are an offence to me! get behind me, I am a new creation, Jesus died for me because I AM SOMEBODY TO HIM"
Hope this helps. Will be praying for you

Jeshu · Jan 18, 2012

Habakkuk3 said:
I've struggled with pessimism myself.

God wants us to be discerning and realistic... but worry and pessimism are hurtful.

The Bible tells us what to think about. drjean alluded to Philippians 4:8 as one example.

We actually have to train our minds. Memorizing scripture has helped me reduce pessimism. Yes, the world is full of terrible things. Yes, I have wasted many opportunities. Yes, people have many downsides and are often annoying or disappointing. Yes, the bills are mounting up and terrible things are happening in my nation and world. But the overall overaching reality is a redemptive one. Pessismism and worry are seeing real problems, deficits, or dangers .... but seeing them out of context! We must train ourselves to see things in context.

Christ knew of the darkest of darkest things. He didn't worry. He wasn't pessimistic. You can see filth, danger, disappointment, and poor prospects if you zoom in to individual pixels. But when you zoom out, God has a redemptive purpose. We can't see everything fully in context like Christ does. But we can choose to believe that reality is exactly in accord with the teachings of the Bible. We can train ourselves to have an attitude and worldview that is consistant with how Christ sees the universe. God has given us the scriptures.

Amen to all of this

Actively ask God for a truthful loving life.

The whole world changes when we look through the eyes of love - especially in line and light with The Scriptures

Be of very good courage. :wave:

Criada · Jan 18, 2012

Can't really add anything to the advice here - replacing negative thoughts with positive ones does work, if you keep doing it. Scripture is particularly good - I find it useful to carry a few cards with positive scriptures which God has spoken to me - then I don't have to stop to think of a positive, it is there in my pocket just waiting for me to use it

Praying for you, brother.

Revived · Jan 18, 2012

I just read your post and felt compelled to share this with you ...

Freedom Class 1. A Kingdom Parable - YouTube

Praying that it speaks to you, brother.

:prayer:

Thunder Peel · Jan 18, 2012

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. Rest assured that all of you have given some great advice and I'm looking at ways I can implement these tactics into my daily life.

One thing I should have mentioned in my original post is that a large reason for my negativity is to protect myself. Like all of us, I've been burned and hurt quite badly in the past, both by people and by the various situations that life has thrown at me. Granted, I have it better than many people so I certainly can't pretend to be a victim. However, the major failures and setbacks that I have had left some really deep wounds that haven't completely healed. They've made me a bit paranoid and suspicious of everyone and everything in my life. I guess I figure if I keep my guard up and expect the worst then I won't be disappointed when it happens. It's almost like I feel like I have to hurt someone first or assume that something will end badly so it doesn't take me by surprise.

I'm sure there are some of you who can relate easily to that. It's obviously not a healthy mindset but it's just become really hard for me trust people, even those close to me. I always suspect that they have ulterior motives and that they're only using me to get to something better. I've been through that many times before and my negativity comes from the fear that the past will keep repeating itself. That may sound crazy but I know some of you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. Chances are you're wearing the same scars.

I know God can heal those and in many ways He's done wonders for me in that area. Still, it's an uphill battle and what you all have posted so far is a great way to keep chipping away at it bit by bit. Thanks again and I look forward to hearing from more of you on this subject.

Everlasting33 · Jan 18, 2012

How did your parents motivate you toward a more optimistic outlook, even as a child? How did they treat your worries and concerns?

amandab · Jan 18, 2012

I am a negative thinker also. I believe it is this negative thinking, that has caused me to have a sort of mental breakdown with anxiety attacks and all.

Thunder Peel · Jan 18, 2012

Steelerbred33 said:
How did your parents motivate you toward a more optimistic outlook, even as a child? How did they treat your worries and concerns?

I have no idea. I can't pinpoint exactly when I started thinking that way; probably sometime in high school. My mom just says I worry too much and that I borrow trouble. I doubt either of them see its as a big deal.

Everlasting33 · Jan 18, 2012

Thunder Peel said:
I have no idea. I can't pinpoint exactly when I started thinking that way; probably sometime in high school. My mom just says I worry too much and that I borrow trouble. I doubt either of them see its as a big deal.

Are your parents worriers/pessimists? Rarely do children learn these. Most of it is modeled behavior.

crazygardenlady · Jan 18, 2012

Remember first and foremost that you are not your depression. The thoughts in your head are not a part of you - they are a part of your brain which is currently stuck in a deceptive pattern of depression. Separating yourself, your soul and your true heart and beliefs, from those which "crop" up in your brain is key.

Habakkuk3 · Jan 18, 2012

Thunder Peel I totally relate.

Here's something difficult to believe. The best/most fulfilling/most satisfying Christian life is totally independent of circumstances. When you react to circumstances in a Godly way with a Godly attitude, that is security. You don't have to worry or wonder: People will do hurtful things. Troubles will come.

Freedom doesn't come from trying to protect yourself by isolation, physical or otherwise, (though do maintain wise boundaries). Freedom doesn't come from being negative to protect yourself (never worked for me!). Freedom comes by how we react... what we believe in response or in spite of the troubles. God can protect your heart, brother, in a way that negativity/worry never can.

Consider what Jesus said,
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Consider what Paul said:
"Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christs sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

hope that helps

Thunder Peel · Jan 18, 2012

Steelerbred33 said:
Are your parents worriers/pessimists? Rarely do children learn these. Most of it is modeled behavior.

No. My mom is a pretty optimistic person and my dad, while more meloncholy, is still a perservering person. Neither of them really think the way I do.

Everlasting33 · Jan 18, 2012

Thunder Peel said:
No. My mom is a pretty optimistic person and my dad, while more meloncholy, is still a perservering person. Neither of them really think the way I do.

So, when you worried alot in HS, what did your mom say? Your dad?

Thunder Peel · Jan 18, 2012

Steelerbred33 said:
So, when you worried alot in HS, what did your mom say? Your dad?

Not much. You have to remember that I'm not an outwardly emotional person and I often keep my thoughts to myself. This is really one of the rare times I've been open about it. They often didn't know how I felt; I tend to try and deal with problems on my own without dragging others into it.

Everlasting33 · Jan 18, 2012

Thunder Peel said:
Not much. You have to remember that I'm not an outwardly emotional person and I often keep my thoughts to myself. This is really one of the rare times I've been open about it. They often didn't know how I felt; I tend to try and deal with problems on my own without dragging others into it.

Well, then, what do you think they would have said? If your mom is optimistic, did you not want her optimism? Or maybe you wouldn't have felt understood?

Ideally, a child will want or be willing to express concerns to his parents. Certain messages-sometimes verbal- "don't tell me that. I don't know how to deal with that," may have been given and you received.

Thunder Peel · Jan 18, 2012

Steelerbred33 said:
Well, then, what do you think they would have said? If your mom is optimistic, did you not want her optimism? Or maybe you wouldn't have felt understood?

Ideally, a child will want or be willing to express concerns to his parents. Certain messages-sometimes verbal- "don't tell me that. I don't know how to deal with that," may have been given and you received.

Whatever they would have said is probably something I wouldn't have believed. In fact, it's often that way for me now. People can say, "You're a great friend" but that doesn't mean I believe it because I assume they're lying. "Everything will be fine" is a nice sentiment but how can anyone really say that when they don't know? Those are more the kinds of things I'm thinking about.

This isn't really about my childhood; I can't go back and change that. What I'm looking for is ways to change my present so it doesn't affect my future.

Everlasting33 · Jan 18, 2012

Thunder Peel said:
Whatever they would have said is probably something I wouldn't have believed. In fact, it's often that way for me now. People can say, "You're a great friend" but that doesn't mean I believe it because I assume they're lying. "Everything will be fine" is a nice sentiment but how can anyone really say that when they don't know? Those are more the kinds of things I'm thinking about.

This isn't really about my childhood; I can't go back and change that. What I'm looking for is ways to change my present so it doesn't affect my future.

Why wouldn't you have believed it? When you worried a lot, what would you have liked one of your parents to say?

Advice for Defeating Negative Thinking?

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