Forcing me to goto catholic mass every christmas eve

newarkpbi said:

Hi, ok lets start and say that i do believe in god, just not the catholic way. I do not like (sorry if thats offensive but its my opinion) the catholic church infact i cannot stand the site of it. It irritates me. I do not like it because i think that their sermons are SO old fashioned and boring, every single flipping week they do the same things infact i know it off by heart: "its like go in kneel read that booklet that says we believe in god then get communion come back and then kneel and then leave" what is so nice about that? ITS BORING ! I do not like the rules on divorce either as i don't think its any of their business on what we do in life, i don't like the way they don't let kids have communion i don't see the reason behind that, don't like the way they don't let priests be woman or become married, etc etc i could go on but basically the point is its just not me! Ever since i've been brought into that church i hated it. My parents used to force me to go EVERY week until i got into a row every week and they got fed up! So now i have to go every christmas eve. Its kind of crap going as it puts me in a depressing mood not in a christmas mood. They seem to think that this is benefitting me when its not i don't like it and it will just make me hate the catholic church more. I have tried every year to get them to stop but they just won't stop and my dad is too strong and i'm scared of him so i don't want to try and fight out of it. But this year i am 16 years of age and i feel that i can make the choice on my own and i just think that i should not go. I am not in the mood today and i think that i will have a really big row with them this eve as i do not want to go and i'm getting tired of their pathetic antics. How can i get them to stop this nonsense and leave me alone. I do not want to be catholic! I'm in love with the anglican church i could listen to their ministers all day, i just wish that my parents would convert or god would make them lol. As i cannot be bothered with that hypocritical church anymore. My dad has been married before and i thought that they would convert because of that but no.

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I hope that things went better this year but, really, if your family members
have seen things your way except for ONE DAY A YEAR, I'd say you can easily do that for the sake of harmony. If this little act that requires you to merely be there for an hour or hour and a half is too much to endure, you'd better get ready for a lot worse things that life will demand from you.

Your position is quite similar to where I was 20 years ago, same age and same feelings except for the fact that I wasn't interested in the Anglican church or any other as an alternative.

I was under a double threat: my father and his family being very conservative catholics would have been angry at me, my mother being instead a very emotional catholic would have cried.

I kept going to the church every week essentially for the sole reason of not hurting or disappointing them, but I knew I was not authentic and honest.

Until one Sunday evening when I was half way to the church (I normally went alone to the Mass since my parents used to go on early Sunday morning or Saturday evening, while I always delayed until the last Mass on Sunday evening), again thinking that I did not mean it. I just stopped, turned back home and when I was asked why did I skip Mass I just said it clear and simple - I don't remember what I said but it was an uncompromised answer such as "I won't go again until I fully believe it".

My dad did not even get angry, my mom probably cried a bit and that was it. Then for a few months they of course tried to make me change my mind. I did not allow the discussion to get into detailed reasoning, and it was the right thing to do because at that age my ability to reason was not able to compete with them, so whenever I felt that the discussion was turning into logical arguments (e.g. "if you are not sure it's right or wrong, you should keep doing everything the church tells you, just in case...") OR it was otherwise turning into emotional arguments (e.g. "are you not afraid of hell?"), I just ended the discussion by stating "I don't believe it, get it".

It was only when my family finally gave up that I started to be genuinely, authentically interested in discovering the sacred again, and I came back to hear the Sunday Mass because I wanted to, although it took me 10+ years of journey.

You should be honest with your reason and with your feelings, and strive to learn to listen to your conscience authentically, not bending it to suit what is easier for you, but also protect yourself from making either compulsive choices (i.e. leaving if you're not sure of it) or comfortable choices (i.e. staying just because the others won't bother you). Be brave to step out of your comfort zone, but don't be a fool to rush it before thinking, and also be skeptical of charismatic figures who most of the time only serve themselves, seek for ideas and values not leaders! Don't stop exercising your reason and your conscience (and reading both religious books and books about religion) and your life experiences will make you stronger in your final choice.

(edit: just in case... if you go through a period of arguments and discussions with your parents, never forget to be kind. Remember that just because they look angry or disappointed, that doesn't mean they stopped loving you, and so you shouldn't stop loving them either. Be firm, i.e. don't get angry back at them, if you feel like you are getting angry, just refuse to continue the discussion, and you can let them know explicitly that you won't talk about it because you don't want to get angry at them. )

newarkpbi said:

Hi, ok lets start and say that i do believe in god, just not the catholic way. I do not like (sorry if thats offensive but its my opinion) the catholic church infact i cannot stand the site of it. It irritates me. I do not like it because i think that their sermons are SO old fashioned and boring, every single flipping week they do the same things infact i know it off by heart: "its like go in kneel read that booklet that says we believe in god then get communion come back and then kneel and then leave" what is so nice about that? ITS BORING ! I do not like the rules on divorce either as i don't think its any of their business on what we do in life, i don't like the way they don't let kids have communion i don't see the reason behind that, don't like the way they don't let priests be woman or become married, etc etc i could go on but basically the point is its just not me! Ever since i've been brought into that church i hated it. My parents used to force me to go EVERY week until i got into a row every week and they got fed up! So now i have to go every christmas eve. Its kind of crap going as it puts me in a depressing mood not in a christmas mood. They seem to think that this is benefitting me when its not i don't like it and it will just make me hate the catholic church more. I have tried every year to get them to stop but they just won't stop and my dad is too strong and i'm scared of him so i don't want to try and fight out of it. But this year i am 16 years of age and i feel that i can make the choice on my own and i just think that i should not go. I am not in the mood today and i think that i will have a really big row with them this eve as i do not want to go and i'm getting tired of their pathetic antics. How can i get them to stop this nonsense and leave me alone. I do not want to be catholic! I'm in love with the anglican church i could listen to their ministers all day, i just wish that my parents would convert or god would make them lol. As i cannot be bothered with that hypocritical church anymore. My dad has been married before and i thought that they would convert because of that but no.

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As a matter of principal, unless you're a minor and need to obey your parents, you should only go to mass, or service, because you love God.

This also answers all your complaints about the Mass. Regardless that you don't like the 'sermons', don't agree with the rules (divorce is a civil thing, but even Jesus says that God doesn't like divorce), or the style of worship, you attend worship to give thanks to God, not because you get something out of it.

What he said ^. As long as you are still a minor you need to follow their rules. Yes, I know it's frustrating, but I'm sure they are only thinking of what is best for you.

Every week is not something to complain about. I had to go to church on Wednesday night, chapel on Thursday, and Sunday morning service, Sunday school, and Sunday night services.

Aibrean said:

What he said ^. As long as you are still a minor you need to follow their rules.

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I am not so sure that he is legally bound to go to the church however. Frankly I have no idea, but at 16 years old it sounds strange to me that the law doesn't already recognize his own freedom of faith.

Depends what the age of majority is...unless he wants to convince his parents to move to Scotland he's going to have to wait a couple years.

Here in the states, yes, you can "make" your child go to church with you. The ONLY case where you can't is if you are fostering a child.

It's only a couple years more wait. Once the OP is out of the house, his parents can't govern his life.

Aibrean said:

Here in the states, yes, you can "make" your child go to church with you.

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Interesting... if he refuses, how far are the parents legally allowed to go to force him?

Can they use violence, soft (e.g. dragging, slapping) or hard (e.g. punching, clubbing)? If they do, is he legally allowed to defend himself? If they cannot do this or don't succeed, can they request the authorities to force him to go to church?

I am asking because when I was at that age in the same situation, only violence (and it would have taken quite a lot of it...) would have succeeded to make me go to the church against my will, just like today it would take the same violence to impede me from going to the church.

Well if the child is indeed a Christian, he would follow what the Bible says on this issue (Ephesians 6:1). His parents are following verse 4, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord"

I can't answer your question Rao, because I'm not in Northern Ireland and I don't know what their laws are.

agree with the rest of you, it's only two more services--3 more hours--until you have your own say on the matter. looking at it that way may help.

(and it's entirely possible for God to do something great with those 3 hours!)

I too have been forced to go when I didn't want to go. But being older now, I realize that it helped me to at least see what my family wanted, it helped me to see what I didn't want, and it showed me what things I did not believe in.

Since you seem to go at different times, can you just go to your church? Then if brought up, can you say, "I love this church. I do not love your church. I don't want to get so burned out on going to church that, at 18, I want to quit. So please let me go where I feel the Lord is guiding me. And pray for me that the Lord will direct me to go where I should go. Thanks."

It might work.