Anyway, thank you all for giving me a place to "talk". And for all your prayers and kind words. I really appreciate it. I'll let you all know if I find out anything.
C J
I am really sorry for your loss, C.
There are some options for you, other than wandering round bars at night trying to find someone who remembers your friend.
All deaths are registered, so if you know where he died, his name and date of birth, you may be able to get a copy of the death certificate from the local registrar for a small fee. With any luck the death certificate will say where he died, the cause of death, and the person notifying the death. In the UK you could do all of this, but I am not sure of the US; it may have different rules.
The second option is to contact local undertakers; someone has to have organised his funeral. If you take a directory and ring round, with the name and date of death, again someone may have information for you. I am sure if you explain the situation they will be more than happy to help. If you are lucky, you may be able to find out where he or his ashes ended up, so that you can go to pay your last respects.
Failing all of that, somebody has to have put that page online about him; see if you can contact them, perhaps put a note next to their message asking them to get in touch.
I'm not sleeping well now cuz I keep waking up and wondering if it's really true--and if it is--I want to know what happened. Then I lay awake remembering all our years together and all the stuff we did. It's hard to fall back asleep. Then I start kicking myself thinking I should of tried to get in touch with him sooner. But, in the past, we always bumped back into each other or he would call and the relationship would resume.
Bereavement is a very, very difficult thing to deal with, C. It will take a long time to get through this one, to the easier days. Your friend was not an easy person to be around, clearly, and it was not your fault that you lost touch, or that he died. I lost my ex husband to alcoholism in April, so I know how destructive drink can be to a relationship. I, like you, still expect him to ring any time, and still be there. It is going to take a long time before I really believe that he is gone.
Take the time you need to grieve in your own way, and don't be hard on yourself. You did what you could, but it is not always possible to be around self destructive people.
I'm so bummed out. I met him when I was 19 (I'm 45 now). We would drift apart here and there, but always ended up as friends again. Over a year ago, we drifted apart again cuz of his drinking. But, I thought he'd straighten up at some point and we could go out. We never dated (he was bi-sexual and I had no interest in dating him). But we were friends for 26 years, so I can't believe I'll never see him again. 
