Fighting lust

HazelWings

There is no one like our God
Apr 17, 2011
1,661
268
Oregon
Visit site
✟18,056.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single

My 2 cents is that I don't think most gals have a CLUE how consuming/miserable this is for the guy, especially the Christian guy that wants to live a pure life. I'm the eldest of 4 brothers and we are so relieved to be older. My one brother said he mb'd sometimes 5X a day! Praying, staying active and distracted, and marry as soon as you find a suitable mate are the best remedies IMHO.


I would never marry a man who thinks a man's problems are worse than a woman's because temptation and sin are not gender specific. I also would stay clear of any man who "mb'd 5x a day" because he's obviously not in a healthy position to be putting himself into a healthy relationship. IMHO.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wren
Upvote 0

Blueforest

Created well and commanded to be sick
Jun 10, 2011
888
33
✟1,191.00
Faith
Other Religion
Marital Status
Private
Whenever you feel lust, just hate yourself as much as you can, until sexual attraction and self-loathing become so entwined that you will never be able to have a healthy, adult relationship then die alone and ashamed.

I don't know why, but I like this post.

Must be my hidden humanism, or something...
 
Upvote 0

OGM

Newbie
Mar 22, 2010
2,561
153
✟11,065.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
Make yourself busy. By doing a job or working on something, you shift your attention to that and not sex. The thing about lust or sexual desire is that it's strong, but temporary. It goes away and comes back again. So just go with the flow. Accept that sex will enter your head, but don't make too much of a fuss about it. And that's that.
A lot would depend on the person. For some people desire keeps building and building. For others, it is barely a thought.
But that's not to say sex isn't a valuable and natural part of being human. You shouldn't ignore it, that's unhealthy.
Many singles try to ignore it because if they think about it they often feel even more lonely and depressed. So depressed they seek “professional” help. At which point they are prescribed anti-depressants. Ironically these drugs often reduce/eliminate libido. Now the person may not feel depressed and may have turned-off their desire so they are no longer frustrated.

Many, many Christians are on anti-depressants nowadays. I know quite a few myself that have been on them for years. The pills may take away desire/lust…but at what cost!
I agree completely with Thankful that we've been conditioned to think so many things are "wrong" and it leaves us with a warped view of what's natural.
All so true! That is one reason why so many singles hate their sexuality. To some it is worse than a prison sentence because at least a prison has a release time.
My pastor when I was a teen said "You'll be fighting that thing your whole life", TRUE! Sexual temptation will be part of us before AND after marriage. It helps to be married but boundaries and self-control have to rule the day.
It seems the pastor sees it similar to an addiction. Or more accurately an addiction that is unbreakable and unlikely to be “prayed away” or eliminated. The “curse” of puberty…so to speak.
My 2 cents is that I don't think most gals have a CLUE how consuming/miserable this is for the guy, especially the Christian guy that wants to live a pure life.
It might be consuming/miserable for some women as well.
I'm the eldest of 4 brothers and we are so relieved to be older. My one brother said he mb'd sometimes 5X a day!
A symptom of a bigger problem perhaps?
Praying, staying active and distracted, and marry as soon as you find a suitable mate are the best remedies IMHO.
The age of puberty keeps decreasing. Yet our age of first marriage is mid-20’s or above; this is a huge problem they may not have a solution!
I can't talk for women, but I know it's not easy being a guy, especially if you're young and almost everything you see makes you aroused.
Men are designed to be that way. Hormones levels are at their highest but can fluctuate wildly within a few hours. Just as women are designed to have periods.
Girls probably aren't completely aware, but men in general are extremely horny beings and being a Christian doesn't miraculously fix that. It only makes it harder knowing that it's sinful to act on such urges. Lust and temptation is a hard battle indeed...
Women read men’s blogs and postings just as men read theirs. So if they are to believe, “men in general are extremely horny beings and being a Christian doesn't miraculously fix that. It only makes it harder knowing that it's sinful to act on such urges.”

Can you see why some women might be very reluctant to want to date… much less marry? How about having an “extremely horny being” around their children!? I might have to start another thread on this topic.
 
Upvote 0

Nooj

Senior Veteran
Jan 9, 2005
3,229
156
Sydney
✟19,215.00
Faith
Other Religion
Politics
AU-Greens
Whenever you feel lust, just hate yourself as much as you can, until sexual attraction and self-loathing become so entwined that you will never be able to have a healthy, adult relationship then die alone and ashamed.
I would only add that this works better if you take out a tub of ice cream and gorge yourself whilst sobbing. Not that I'm speaking from experience. :p
 
Upvote 0

Migdala

Follower of Yeshua
May 7, 2010
738
36
USA
✟8,563.00
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Single
Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.

That's interesting, but when you think of the imaginary wife, what do you think about? Just her face, or her doing a mundane task like washing dishes? If you create her as your "dream wife", then wouldn't you be creating her with a body like you like in a woman, and don't you think of that too, more than her face? I like the idea, but am not sure it would work for me, because once the lustful thoughts start bothering me, then I cannot stop thinking of them.

I am divorced (3 times now) and so I know that remarriage is a sin, so I will be alone for the rest of my life. I have begged and begged God to completely, totally take away my sex drive so that I won't sin by masturbation, but so far He has not taken it away completely. I still struggle horribly. I have been looking into Anaphrodisiacs as well, which is the opposite of Aphrodisiacs-to stop the sex drive. So far I have not found one that works for me.
 
Upvote 0

Gym

CF's Ruskie
Sep 10, 2009
2,926
382
✟12,239.00
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Single
Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.
Blind post in reply to OP.. sorry if someone's said something similiar
Also forgive me for I'm going to be incredibly, unrelenting blunt.

Bullcrap. ESPECIALLY for the bolded. All that you have done is feed the desire. Assauging a fixation with a 'controlled environment', if you will, does not change the status quo.. You're still left with dirty hands.
 
Upvote 0

Nooj

Senior Veteran
Jan 9, 2005
3,229
156
Sydney
✟19,215.00
Faith
Other Religion
Politics
AU-Greens
That's interesting, but when you think of the imaginary wife, what do you think about? Just her face, or her doing a mundane task like washing dishes? If you create her as your "dream wife", then wouldn't you be creating her with a body like you like in a woman, and don't you think of that too, more than her face? I like the idea, but am not sure it would work for me, because once the lustful thoughts start bothering me, then I cannot stop thinking of them.

I am divorced (3 times now) and so I know that remarriage is a sin, so I will be alone for the rest of my life. I have begged and begged God to completely, totally take away my sex drive so that I won't sin by masturbation, but so far He has not taken it away completely. I still struggle horribly. I have been looking into Anaphrodisiacs as well, which is the opposite of Aphrodisiacs-to stop the sex drive. So far I have not found one that works for me.
Since when is masturbation a sin?
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Migdala

Follower of Yeshua
May 7, 2010
738
36
USA
✟8,563.00
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Single
It is not a sin to remarry when you're divorced.
It is only a sin to remarry a woman that you have divorced.

Where does it say that in the Bible? I'm going by Matthew 19:9, which says....
"And I say unto you __ Whosoever __ shall put away his wife except it be for fornication and shall marry another committeth adultery and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery"

Also Luke 16:18....

Whosoever putteth away his wife and marrieth another committeth adultery and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery

It looks pretty clear to me that if someone marries a person who is divorced, they are committing adultery, and if a divorced person remarries, they are committing adultery as well. Very clear.
 
Upvote 0

iambren

Newbie
Mar 2, 2008
3,224
163
newark, ohio
✟12,121.00
Faith
Nazarene
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
"I would never marry a man who thinks a man's problems are worse than a woman's because temptation and sin are not gender specific."

You are just plain wrong. The genders are different and are at risk of yielding to different temptations. If women had the same drive as men we all would be much more "busy" and the world's population would be catastrophic.



"I also would stay clear of any man who "mb'd 5x a day" because he's obviously not in a healthy position to be putting himself into a healthy relationship."

You probably have not "steered clear" already when you've dated---I mean, what man is going to tell you that?
 
Upvote 0

GoodNewsJim

Senior Veteran
Aug 2, 2006
3,836
246
47
Visit site
✟20,152.00
Faith
Presbyterian
Where does it say that in the Bible? I'm going by Matthew 19:9, which says....
"And I say unto you __ Whosoever __ shall put away his wife except it be for fornication and shall marry another committeth adultery and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery"

Also Luke 16:18....

Whosoever putteth away his wife and marrieth another committeth adultery and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery

It looks pretty clear to me that if someone marries a person who is divorced, they are committing adultery, and if a divorced person remarries, they are committing adultery as well. Very clear.

Yes of course, if you divorce your wife for any reason other than her unfaithfulness, that is a sin.

But it is interesting, I must of not read these verses. I didn't know marrying a divorced woman is a sin.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

OGM

Newbie
Mar 22, 2010
2,561
153
✟11,065.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
I am divorced (3 times now) and so I know that remarriage is a sin, so I will be alone for the rest of my life.
That is a very sad thing to hear Migdala!
I have begged and begged God to completely, totally take away my sex drive so that I won't sin by masturbation, but so far He has not taken it away completely. I still struggle horribly. I have been looking into Anaphrodisiacs as well, which is the opposite of Aphrodisiacs-to stop the sex drive. So far I have not found one that works for me.
I wish you the best in your search. I know for a fact that many of the SSRI of anti-depressants have this affect some people. Of course they might change other aspects of your personality. Hence a physician may resist giving you a prescription to try out. I know some Brothers that have been on Paxil and Prozac for years now. Some tell me their libido is pretty much dead. They are single, not dating and claim a libido would be a nuisance. They were originally given the prescriptions to deal with clinical and manic depression. Though now they say this side effect (benefit) has ended their lust/temptation/frustration problem.

Be aware that the effects can sometimes last permanently. I am not pro or con on the matter. If a person feels that have issues that are causing them to move away from God…I can’t fault them for trying to bring their feelings under control. They just need to be aware that medications have side-effects that may last forever. Though it appears that is what some might want. Here are two quotes from the following link: Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“Post-SSRI sexual dysfunction (PSSD) is a name given to a reported iatrogenic sexual dysfunction caused by the previous use of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants. While apparently uncommon, it can last for months, years, or sometimes indefinitely after the discontinuation of SSRIs. It may represent a specific subtype of SSRI discontinuation syndrome

“The true prevalence of PSSD has yet to be determined, although published calls have been made for post-marketing epidemiological studies. It is known that SSRIs can cause various types of sexual dysfunction. Initial studies found that such side effects were reported in less than 10% of patients. When doctors have specifically asked about treatment-emergent sexual difficulties, some have found that they are present in up to 60% of patients.”

It is your decision to make. I wish I could provide a less extreme alternative. Whatever you decide I hope you find a way to combat the struggle and loneliness you speak of.
 
Upvote 0
E

Edwards1984

Guest
I am always, always - yes, always - amazed that when the topic of lust comes up on a Christian internet forum, the most relevant passages of scripture are never brought up.
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell." [Matthew 5:27-30; NASB; emphasis mine]
As I've pointed out many times on the forum before, many people try to get out of this by claiming Christ is talking about married people, but the original Greek reads πᾶς ὁ βλέπων - "all those looking." What our Lord is doing here is showing the depth at which the commandment regarding adultery strikes at our conscience. It wasn't enough to just not have sex with someone not your spouse - you couldn't even lust after someone who wasn't your spouse. The seriousness of the matter is so much that we are suggested (figuratively, of course) to cut off our eyes and hands if they lead us to commit such sin.

Regarding desire vs. lust, there is nothing inherently wrong, in and of itself, with the desire of a man for a woman. God designed it so that husband would be attracted to wife and vice versa, and they would procreate. The very reason I exist is because my mother and father desired one another. That is what scripture means when it speaks of becoming "one flesh" (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:5; Eph 5:31). This is why sex, within the way God intended it, can be a beautiful and perfectly non-taboo thing.

However, lust is a separate animal. It is inherently selfish and is not for the point of becoming one flesh in marriage. It is a distortion of God's original design. When I lust after a woman, it is not because I love her (although some certainly masquerade lust as love) nor because I want to engage in a long-term relationship involving children with her - it's because there's something about her I want for my own pleasure. That is not how God intended it to be, hence why lust in and of itself is considered a sin.

Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.

In the words of Margarete Thatcher: "No, no, no!"

That's finding a loophole for sin to sneak in. That's no different than thinking about a real girl and fantasizing about her, but making it so that in your fantasy she's your wife. I highly advise you, out of brotherly concern, to stop doing this and seek a more biblical belief regarding lust and how to handle it, and to seek advice from your elders regarding this.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Nooj
Upvote 0

Nooj

Senior Veteran
Jan 9, 2005
3,229
156
Sydney
✟19,215.00
Faith
Other Religion
Politics
AU-Greens
It seems to me that you're saying the point of desire is to make babies (within marriage). Is there a point to desire other than that? For example, a desire for pleasure? Do you think couples should only have sex to make babies or is it okay to have sex for the sake of pleasure?

In your Christian viewpoint, sex is aimed towards the production of children and so desire escapes the selfish nature of lust. Maybe so, but it also seems to me to denigrate what sex is also, almost primarily about in modern day society. I get the impression that you think everything that is selfish is wrong. Can you defend that from a Christian perspective?

Also, how are you distinguishing between lust and desire? What are their definitions? In Greek, there really isn't a distinguishing between lust and desire. The verb used does express strong desire, but there's no negative or positive associations per se with that. Which is why you'll find various translations of the passage. The distinction between lust and desire seem to be concepts foreign to Greek. I'm sure you can see the problem if we translate it as 'do not desire another woman other than your wife'. Clearly either lusting or desiring another woman is wrong, but is desire itself wrong now?

Do you think that no one can lust for or desire a woman (or a man) for selfish and non-selfish purposes? Admittedly there are people who want sex only for their own personal enjoyment, but there are many more people who want to give their partner pleasure as well.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0
E

Edwards1984

Guest
It seems to me that you're saying the point of desire is to make babies (within marriage). Is there a point to desire other than that? For example, a desire for pleasure?

I think you're misunderstanding me. By desire, I simply mean the attraction of the husband for the wife. When a man and woman marry, they aren't simply mindless entities occupying the same house - they feel an identity for one another. This isn't necessarily limited to sexual feelings, either. They will have the desire to spend time with, the desire to be with for prolonged periods, and generally to be one in union - part of which involves sex (whose purpose, yes, is for the growth of a family). If my mother and father did not desire one another to this day as husband and wife, they would not still be married.

Do you think couples should only have sex to make babies or is it okay to have sex for the sake of pleasure?

Think for a moment what the entire phrase for sex is: sexual reproduction. Why do we have sexual organs? Why do they function the way they do? It is because they are designed to have children or to aid our people in reproduction. We use our ears to hear, our mouths to eat and speak, and our eyes to see. Likewise, our sexual organs are used for sexual reproduction.

Of course there is nothing wrong with a couple enjoying their act of union. I'm not suggesting the wife just sit back and think of England. :p The apostle Paul writes: "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (1 Cor 7:4). In the union of marriage, the man and woman act as one unit, and everything they do is meant to be one unit - even their sexual relations. Yet the wife is not solely an object of sexual pleasure for the man, and the husband is not solely an object of sexual pleasure for the woman. They are husband and wife. They are one flesh within marriage. Just as my right lung doesn't fight with my left lung for air within my one body, so too should the man or woman have an unequal burden in regards to pleasing their partner within marriage.

In your Christian viewpoint, sex is aimed towards the production of children and so desire escapes the selfish nature of lust. Maybe so, but it also seems to me to denigrate what sex is also, almost primarily about in modern day society.

Society has never changed. Society - nay, man in his fallen nature - always finds the selfish pleasure within sex, and seeks to justify it. When you read about how the society was during the time of the apostles, you realize that it has never changed at all - in fact, if anything, it was worse. Man's nature is to distort the good that is given to him. Just as eating is meant to refresh our bodies and give us strength - not for our indulging - so too is sex meant to continue on our species and for the union between man and woman - not for perverse pleasures of the flesh. And man, left on his own, will continue to degenerate, just as Paul wrote: "Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them" (Rom 1:24).

The only thing that might have changed throughout history is the suppression of such sentiments or practices within society as a whole. Whereas in the past society may have simply swept it under the rug and ignored it was there, now they have allowed it to run rampant. However, that doesn't change what the word of God says and how God has defined sex and marriage by His word and in His word. That people will fight against it is, of course, nothing new. Paul spoke of it when he wrote: "and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them" (Rom 1:32).

I get the impression that you think everything that is selfish is wrong. Can you defend that from a Christian perspective?
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; [Phi 2:3]
Everything done for our own pleasure or benefit - when it comes at the expense of another human being - is selfish to some degree. If my brother is in need of money that I can give him, but I do nothing - not because I think he would use it badly, or because it is beyond my power, but because I simply don't want to depart from that money - then I am being selfish. If I have a plethora of food and my neighbor has none, and I refuse to give him any - not because he is able to provide food for his own but rather because I simply do not want to depart with my surplus - then I am being selfish. Likewise, when I look at a woman and treat her as nothing but an object for my pleasure, I am not treating her as one made in the image of God, but as one who is simply there for me to feel personal sexual joy about.

But it is not the mere selfishness that turns lust into a sin. It is because, in the eyes of God, it is as bad as the act of adultery itself. What point is there in respecting a woman with my manners if I'm ravishing her with my heart? It is from such seeds that come the very actions of adultery, hence why even the mere temptation is dangerous.

Also, how are you distinguishing between lust and desire? What are their definitions?

Hopefully I've explained this in this post at various parts, and I believe I touched on it briefly in my last post.

In Greek, there really isn't a distinguishing between lust and desire. The verb used does express strong desire, but there's no negative or positive associations per se with that. Which is why you'll find various translations of the passage. The distinction between lust and desire seem to be concepts foreign to Greek. I'm sure you can see the problem if we translate it as 'do not desire another woman other than your wife'.

The original Greek phrase is: πᾶς ὁ βλέπων γυναῖκα πρὸς τὸ ἐπιθυμῆσαι ("all those looking at a woman with lust"). The root word used for lust is ἐπιθυμέω, which means to lust or crave after, and literally translates (being a compound word with ἐπί and θυμός) as "focus on with great desire." It is translated in other areas of the New Testament as "covet" (Acts 20:33, Rom 7:7 and Rom 13:9 being some examples) and is used in the same context which we are all familiar with the Ten Commandments using it. It is sinful coveting, and rightly placed, for lust does nothing but turn the other person into an object.

Christ's point is that this isn't merely looking at a girl and thinking, "Oh, she's attractive." This is looking at a girl and thinking of her in ways that are only permitted within marriage. A man may never commit adultery, but if he is unrepentantly entertaining adulterous thoughts in his mind, yet claims he has never committed a sexual sin (as the Pharisee did in Luke 18:11), then God who knows the hearts of all men (cf. Luke 16:15) will see through his facade.

Do you think that no one can lust for or desire a woman (or a man) for selfish and non-selfish purposes? Admittedly there are people who want sex only for their own personal enjoyment, but there are many more people who want to give their partner pleasure as well.

There is no such thing as unselfish lust. Lust with a pretext is still lust, just as murder with pretext is still murder. There are some who want to give their partner pleasure, yes, but generally many of them either get some of their own pleasure from it, or they are in essence submitting themselves to the pleasures of the other individual at the expense of their person, which (as shown in the previous quotation from Paul in 1 Corinthians) is contrary to the Biblical teaching of sex.

Hopefully that's answered your questions. :)
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
Jun 18, 2011
3,097
664
San Francisco Bay Area
✟65,034.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Divorced
Every day people like us struggle to keep lustful thoughts out of our minds. This temptation never goes away.

Pray about this first but it might be an idea to create an imaginary wife. When a lustful thought pops into your head you can think about her instead of fantasizing about the thought.

It sounds weird but it works for me.
Wow!,and I thought tha I have heard and have seen it all! It takes all kinds of people to make a world. Personally, I see nothing wrong with it.
At least in a fantasy world,your "wife" will never nag you,berate you,exasperate you,or never disappoint you. having an alternate reality is one of the nicest things about being human. If there is not any beauty in our lives,we can always create some beauty in our lives.Did not God create us for his glory and for his pleasure?
 
Upvote 0