I became a Christian about 5 years ago, went to church heavily and all that jazz, stayed out of the world, it was good for the most part, kept me out of trouble, met other Christians, was in music ministry. Definitely knew the biblical God was the correct perspective. But, I was still a baby and was headed for disaster.
When I moved out with a friend we somehow came to the conclusion that we didnt need church or christians anymore and we would be fine with just Jesus and live in sin. I think mainly because we were so hurt and fed up with the hypocrisy it was a great excuse. Anyway I was unable to handle both full time work and school much less one of them and eventually they both cracked. I ended back at my moms in for a world of hurt.
I started hanging out with the world and smoking weed 24/7 which was making me even more vulnerable then I was. I tried to help this kid by letting live at my moms but her ended up robbing us. I was at the weedman's house all the time hanging out with him and his girlfriend. She started to take a "liking' towards me, I tried to avoid it but I was ready to crack. Up until I left the church I was very disciplined in this area, never even kissed a girl, would avoid dates for fear of falling into fornication, was almost there waiting till marriage saving myself.
I allowed myself to be seduced and a pawn in this chicks game, i thought we sincerely liked each other, and her abusive boyfriend was the only one to blame. She started coming to my house all the time, with his car and everything, we were having sex doing drugs and everything. Im lucky her boyfriend didnt hurt me. I really didn't care at time, I recalled a story a friend told me about two christian virgins getting married, and then the girl leaving him shortly after for a football player getting the house and everything. I was like its all a joke, but the joke was on me.
When her boyfriend finally changed the locks on her, she jumped from his house to mine. Later on she told me she was saving up her share of the weed money to eventually leave. Well I was her easy way out. I looked past all of this at the time, I became very emotionally attached to her, but she wasn't who I thought she was. She said she really liked me and I felt bad for her and wanted to help her at the expense of myself. She had borderline personality disorder and alot of baggage but I was so smitten. A half a year later she calls the cops on my brother for something stupid and my moms orders her to leave, ofcourse she can legally stay for a month. My brother was like shes just using you, she doesn't care about you, shes a good actor, but I didn't listen. I started looking for a place to move out with her because I didn't want to loose her. We started going to a home church too and hanging out with my old Christian friend who was concerned , she just played games though, didn't want to be a Christian, I wanted too become one again though. I finally came to my senses and didn't move out with her. She was very upset but still kept me around after that while living with her male roommates cause she didn't have a car and stuff to get to work. I finally just stopped messing with her but some how she kept reeling me back in to the point of telling me she wants to talk to my christian friends and be a christian! I had a hard time letting go and just kept getting hurt more and more. Once she got a car she then left me for her roommate.
Oh I am so glad its over and I am glad to be a Christian again, its tragic I had to learn the hard way but o well. Maybe I'm to sensitive but I am deeply scarred from this crazy girl, I am so hurt. I spent alot of time with her and I can't get her out of my mind, she was so manipulative and I gave her my long kept virginity. I started drinking heavily but now I stopped and take meds now but its not a quick fix. This is the biggest regret ever, I feel so used and I talk to people about it but I don't think the understand the pain I am feeling, it is unbearable. I was not thinking clearly, so dumb, just a tool. It amazing me how she has no remorse. On top of that, I am burdened with all the sexual memories, what a soul tie. I guess in time it will get better.
When I moved out with a friend we somehow came to the conclusion that we didnt need church or christians anymore and we would be fine with just Jesus and live in sin. I think mainly because we were so hurt and fed up with the hypocrisy it was a great excuse. Anyway I was unable to handle both full time work and school much less one of them and eventually they both cracked. I ended back at my moms in for a world of hurt.
I started hanging out with the world and smoking weed 24/7 which was making me even more vulnerable then I was. I tried to help this kid by letting live at my moms but her ended up robbing us. I was at the weedman's house all the time hanging out with him and his girlfriend. She started to take a "liking' towards me, I tried to avoid it but I was ready to crack. Up until I left the church I was very disciplined in this area, never even kissed a girl, would avoid dates for fear of falling into fornication, was almost there waiting till marriage saving myself.
I allowed myself to be seduced and a pawn in this chicks game, i thought we sincerely liked each other, and her abusive boyfriend was the only one to blame. She started coming to my house all the time, with his car and everything, we were having sex doing drugs and everything. Im lucky her boyfriend didnt hurt me. I really didn't care at time, I recalled a story a friend told me about two christian virgins getting married, and then the girl leaving him shortly after for a football player getting the house and everything. I was like its all a joke, but the joke was on me.
When her boyfriend finally changed the locks on her, she jumped from his house to mine. Later on she told me she was saving up her share of the weed money to eventually leave. Well I was her easy way out. I looked past all of this at the time, I became very emotionally attached to her, but she wasn't who I thought she was. She said she really liked me and I felt bad for her and wanted to help her at the expense of myself. She had borderline personality disorder and alot of baggage but I was so smitten. A half a year later she calls the cops on my brother for something stupid and my moms orders her to leave, ofcourse she can legally stay for a month. My brother was like shes just using you, she doesn't care about you, shes a good actor, but I didn't listen. I started looking for a place to move out with her because I didn't want to loose her. We started going to a home church too and hanging out with my old Christian friend who was concerned , she just played games though, didn't want to be a Christian, I wanted too become one again though. I finally came to my senses and didn't move out with her. She was very upset but still kept me around after that while living with her male roommates cause she didn't have a car and stuff to get to work. I finally just stopped messing with her but some how she kept reeling me back in to the point of telling me she wants to talk to my christian friends and be a christian! I had a hard time letting go and just kept getting hurt more and more. Once she got a car she then left me for her roommate.
Oh I am so glad its over and I am glad to be a Christian again, its tragic I had to learn the hard way but o well. Maybe I'm to sensitive but I am deeply scarred from this crazy girl, I am so hurt. I spent alot of time with her and I can't get her out of my mind, she was so manipulative and I gave her my long kept virginity. I started drinking heavily but now I stopped and take meds now but its not a quick fix. This is the biggest regret ever, I feel so used and I talk to people about it but I don't think the understand the pain I am feeling, it is unbearable. I was not thinking clearly, so dumb, just a tool. It amazing me how she has no remorse. On top of that, I am burdened with all the sexual memories, what a soul tie. I guess in time it will get better.
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