Overcoming inappropriate contentographic Activity and Addiction-Couples Support and Recovery Thread

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Photo Tane

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I have a Question for the group to get the ball rolling.

I have been FREE from inappropriate content and it's allure for 3 years now. My cure is very different from what most would accept. I faced the TRUTH. In facing the truth I found Freedom. Not more bondage like accountability partners, web site tattal tellers and the like.

My question for the group is....

If you ladies could be assured that facing the truth regarding the goodness of your bodies along with your husbands gaining an understanding of being "Naked and Unashamed" before the Lord would be the CURE for your husbands would you give it a try?

Follow up statement or advice.

Visit a Christian Nudist Convention with him. I can assure you he will be Cured and you will be blessed with a man who loves you and only has eyes for you. He will be confronted with the vast array of God's creation and realize we are essentially all the same. Sinners saved by Grace. We are not the airbrushed fanatacies of the inappropriate content mags. We are flesh and blood created to be "Naked and Unashamed before our Creator"

Prov 5:15-20

18 Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.


NKJV
 
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Religious Crisis

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I struggle with this everyday. My problem is that when I stumble and look at inappropriate content, I hide it, I feel so ashamed that even though my Wife has told me many times that if I tell her she will be less mad; I can't bring myself to do it. So then she finds the inappropriate content and is hurt. So there we are, her hurt and me asahmed. While I understand what is needed to help me, I don't know how to comfort her. What do I say or do?
 
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JanniGirl

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You be honest. Don't let shame be your moral compass. You've done something that you should feel ashamed/guilty of . . . . its still your job to be honest with your wife. So, step one would to be honest and not lie about your activities. Second step would be for you to get some real help -- counselors, support groups, etc. Third, get some sort of help for your wife -- counselors, support group, etc.
 
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You be honest. Don't let shame be your moral compass. You've done something that you should feel ashamed/guilty of . . . . its still your job to be honest with your wife. So, step one would to be honest and not lie about your activities. Second step would be for you to get some real help -- counselors, support groups, etc. Third, get some sort of help for your wife -- counselors, support group, etc.

I agree with the honesty and getting help for both of you part, and also remember that sin, turning from Gods purposes for us, is often rooted in our fear that God will not provide and that we have to do things our own way. The inappropriate contentographic way of seeing sexuality distorts how God wants us to see it, which is better, wiser, and more lovely and passionate than the distortion. You are missing out on Gods promise by avoiding dealing with your sin.
 
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I Art Laughing

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I have a Question for the group to get the ball rolling.

I have been FREE from inappropriate content and it's allure for 3 years now. My cure is very different from what most would accept. I faced the TRUTH. In facing the truth I found Freedom. Not more bondage like accountability partners, web site tattal tellers and the like.

My question for the group is....

If you ladies could be assured that facing the truth regarding the goodness of your bodies along with your husbands gaining an understanding of being "Naked and Unashamed" before the Lord would be the CURE for your husbands would you give it a try?

Follow up statement or advice.

Visit a Christian Nudist Convention with him. I can assure you he will be Cured and you will be blessed with a man who loves you and only has eyes for you. He will be confronted with the vast array of God's creation and realize we are essentially all the same. Sinners saved by Grace. We are not the airbrushed fanatacies of the inappropriate content mags. We are flesh and blood created to be "Naked and Unashamed before our Creator"

Prov 5:15-20

18 Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.


NKJV


Are we talking about public nudity here? That isn't the solution to lust. If that is the case it sounds like you "parlayed" an overactive lustful imagination into the real deal. Why imagine when you can put feet to your lust? Next, open marriage will be suggested as a means of fidelity. If not, I am completely oblivious to what "nudism" is.

I want my wife to be comfortable with her body and fully realize just how attractive she is to me (always has and always will) standing on our 20th Anniversary. We don't need to go out in public to do that.

*****************************************************************************

Fighting lust/inappropriate contentography is a self-control submission to Jesus Christ moment to moment affair. When our frequency is satisfactory to my needs it is easier for me to keep it tamped down. In my experience it is a lot like fasting. When I'm into the several day point of a fast I HAVE to stay focused completely on HIS sufficiency/provision. When I do that I'm on a cloud of well being. The moment I stop I'm in the dump of despair. It's quite a roller coaster.

My suggestion, when your flesh is too loud, start fasting from food. Move the battlefield to the stomach and learn to depend on Christ there. After missing a few meals you won't be worried about the other. Eventually, IT will break.

It is a discipline, we have to work at it. It is our reasonable service.
 
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Romanseight2005

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Are we talking about public nudity here? That isn't the solution to lust. If that is the case it sounds like you "parlayed" an overactive lustful imagination into the real deal. Why imagine when you can put feet to your lust? Next, open marriage will be suggested as a means of fidelity. If not, I am completely oblivious to what "nudism" is.

I want my wife to be comfortable with her body and fully realize just how attractive she is to me (always has and always will) standing on our 20th Anniversary. We don't need to go out in public to do that.

*****************************************************************************

Fighting lust/inappropriate contentography is a self-control submission to Jesus Christ moment to moment affair. When our frequency is satisfactory to my needs it is easier for me to keep it tamped down. In my experience it is a lot like fasting. When I'm into the several day point of a fast I HAVE to stay focused completely on HIS sufficiency/provision. When I do that I'm on a cloud of well being. The moment I stop I'm in the dump of despair. It's quite a roller coaster.

My suggestion, when your flesh is too loud, start fasting from food. Move the battlefield to the stomach and learn to depend on Christ there. After missing a few meals you won't be worried about the other. Eventually, IT will break.

It is a discipline, we have to work at it. It is our reasonable service.


Good post. I want to clarify something you said. Are you saying that fasting from literal food helps you in the area of sexual lust? If you are, that is good to know, and interesting.
 
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I Art Laughing

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Good post. I want to clarify something you said. Are you saying that fasting from literal food helps you in the area of sexual lust? If you are, that is good to know, and interesting.

Yes it does. I try to let my wife know when I'm coming under pressure so that she can help me out. There is only so much she can do though, and ultimately it is up to me. I think Maslow's hierarchy applies here, I'm not interested in sex if I am freezing, feverish, or very hungry. Biblically, I can fast to overcome the flesh (I personally think that is what it is for).

I wouldn't recommend any wife suggesting this to her DH as a solution to frequency issues. This is a tool HE needs to pick up if necessary. I believe the wife's "tool" is to submit to Christ, pray for her husband and be as empathetic and accommodating as the Lord can help her to be.
 
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I Art Laughing

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Yes absolutely, lets elevate celibacy in marriage as the apogee of sexual good function....the fast from sex is more holy after all than the sexual union itself. Everyone knows that

Who suggested that? On the contrary, I think that withholding sex is controlling and abusive. I think that "rewarding" with sex is controlling and abusive. I can't imagine the point of celibate marriage (given what the Apostle Paul had to offer on the subject). What Godly wife wants to see her husband suffer and burn?
 
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Conservativation

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Who suggested that? On the contrary, I think that withholding sex is controlling and abusive. I think that "rewarding" with sex is controlling and abusive. I can't imagine the point of celibate marriage (given what the Apostle Paul had to offer on the subject). What Godly wife wants to see her husband suffer and burn?

The other poster, I exaggerate her point for effect, i confess, but if youve been here awhile you will realize that my silly statement can actually resemble much of what passes for marital sex discourse here, and I suspect you have seen that elsewhere too
 
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I Art Laughing

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Some women are so worried about their husbands inappropriate content addiction I think they forget that they are sinners too. Some want to use the Bible and the Church to beat their husbands into unGodly submission and then wonder why their "Godly" example is not followed. Many women say they want their husbands to submit to God while never for one moment intending to be budged from that position themselves. They then are perplexed and amazed that their recipe is a flop.

If your husband has a hearing ear relationship with God, he will be converted. God will transform and sanctify all of us on HIS timeline. We are all working out our salvation, but not to anothers drumbeat. Anyone expecting to inject themselves between God and their spouse is in for a letdown. It won't work, God isn't the tool to chisel out a perfect spouse. Soooorry if that's what you are looking for you came to the wrong place (in the sense that there is no right place for that).
 
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JaneFW

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Some women are so worried about their husbands inappropriate content addiction I think they forget that they are sinners too. Some want to use the Bible and the Church to beat their husbands into unGodly submission and then wonder why their "Godly" example is not followed. Many women say they want their husbands to submit to God while never for one moment intending to be budged from that position themselves. They then are perplexed and amazed that their recipe is a flop.

If your husband has a hearing ear relationship with God, he will be converted. God will transform and sanctify all of us on HIS timeline. We are all working out our salvation, but not to anothers drumbeat. Anyone expecting to inject themselves between God and their spouse is in for a letdown. It won't work, God isn't the tool to chisel out a perfect spouse. Soooorry if that's what you are looking for you came to the wrong place (in the sense that there is no right place for that).
You're wrong that one spouse cannot provide the catalyst that opens the eyes of the other. That's why there is scripture about iron sharpening iron. That's what we're supposed to do. Just like when a wife is sinning, her husband should be working with her, not just ignoring it, and leaving her to flounder alone.
 
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earagun

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To get free from inappropriate content, one must come to the realization that looking at inappropriate content is a lust that is never satisfied, no matter how much you watch, it is never satisfied and will always want more and more and wilder and wilder to reach the same heights of excitement.......thus the realization you must come to, is that inappropriate content is a LIE! it never delivers what it promises, always leaves you feeling dirty and sinful, it puts a block between your relationship with God and your never satisfied. when tempted start rebuking it for what it is......A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL! continue rebuking it as a lie and it will lose its power and hold on you
 
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I Art Laughing

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You're wrong that one spouse cannot provide the catalyst that opens the eyes of the other. That's why there is scripture about iron sharpening iron. That's what we're supposed to do. Just like when a wife is sinning, her husband should be working with her, not just ignoring it, and leaving her to flounder alone.

So what is the wife's ministry? If that "catalyst" is withdrawing sexually then it is not Biblical. It's like trying to put the fire in your house out with the "catalyst" of Jet A fuel. It will go out, when your house is burned down. Yes, the wife can provide a Godly example to her husband but clearly she needs to be careful.
 
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Romanseight2005

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Who suggested that? On the contrary, I think that withholding sex is controlling and abusive. I think that "rewarding" with sex is controlling and abusive. I can't imagine the point of celibate marriage (given what the Apostle Paul had to offer on the subject). What Godly wife wants to see her husband suffer and burn?


Some of us are far more worried about the effects that the inappropriate content use has had on our husbands, than we are about the inappropriate content itself.
 
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JaneFW

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Okay, how does the wife act out "iron sharpening iron"? What does that look like?
I quite clearly said BOTH spouses should be doing this. It looks like however it needs to look like in each particular marriage, and according to the sin issues taking place. For instance, when I was drinking, it looked like my husband refusing to go and get wine for me when I had finished the first bottle and was hankering after more. It looked like him counseling me on how I had behaved the night before, which I often didn't remember. It looked like him saying a LOT of hard things I did NOT want to hear, but which sank in, over time, especially when coupled with a great deal of scripture which I wrote out in copious amounts. When he confessed his inappropriate content addiction to me, he asked me to keep him accountable. Not the smartest choice but he refused to find anyone else. I didn't really want to hear what his thought processes were or how he dreamed about accessing inappropriate content (typical addict dreams - I had them about alcohol too), and how hard it was not to use inappropriate content. I attempted to keep him focused on the long term plan, and encouraged him that "this too will pass". I also let him know if I saw signs he was slipping (which he did). I did not withhold from him, in fact our history is that he consistently withholds from me.

IMO, it's much easier to "sharpen" a person with a non-sexual sin. My drinking did not impact him sexually, but his inappropriate content use did impact me sexually. Sexuality seems to me to be the absolute most deeply personal and private thing in most people's, um, psyche? (Not sure how to put that.) So that made it hard to listen to my h talking about how badly he wanted to get off on looking at naked women who weren't me. But at the same time, knowing all about the shameful nature of addiction (all addicts are ashamed) I had to abstain from showing my feelings about the things he told me, so that he would not be ashamed of telling me, because if he could not talk to me, there was nobody else to talk to.

Anyway, that is my experience of us "sharpening" each other.
 
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Some of us are far more worried about the effects that the inappropriate content use has had on our husbands, than we are about the inappropriate content itself.

How do you act on that worry? What do you do to help your husband?

When men come to me I can tell them to abstain from lust, to fast from food when they are struggling, to appreciate their wife and to look for God's provision for them IN THEIR WIFE. I tell them that God has given them their wife to provide a "way of escape" for them so that they can overcome lust. I pray with them and frequently ask them how they are doing. I love them and let them know I care about them. I can't be their wives. Wives can provide for them in ways that I cannot (and I can provide in ways that they cannot).

What does a wife do? How is she God's provision for her husbands needs?

What do you do to help your husband?
 
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