What Do I Do About My Wife?

BrandenHarvey · Jun 19, 2011

I need advice. I'm 27. I got married five years ago last Friday (June 17th). When my wife and I met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. I didn't mind. But I hated church for myself. Eventually, after we got married, my wife started following my ways.

Ironically, at the beginning of 2009, I started going to the SDA Church. I went to an evangelistic series and, after it was over, I started preparing for baptism. I was baptized on August 29, 2009.

None of this has sat well with my wife. She has been very antagonistic about it since I started, even spending all Sabbath, every Sabbath screaming at me for keeping the Sabbath. She gets irate when she sees me reading my Bible and starts slamming doors and everything. All I've done is pray for her.

Today, it escalated to a new level. We have a stun gun in our house, just in case of a break in. Today, she asked me to help her make a budget. I said we could do it tonight. She asked why we couldn't do it then. I told her that it was the Sabbath. She got irate and screamed, "I'm tired of all this Sabbath bull****." She got up and tried to kick me. I moved. She swung at me. I ducked and pushed her down, out of instinct. I feel bad for pushing her down. I've never laid a hand on my wife before. Anyway, she gets up and grabs our stun gun and ran at me with it. I quickly left our bedroom and held the door closed until she calmed down.

But this is getting out of control. We have a three year old son and, even though he was in the bath this time and didn't see it, what if he isn't next time? He doesn't need to see that. Jesus says not to leave your spouse unless they've cheated on you, and then it's still better to stay. So what do I do? I pray for her several times a day and I try to be as nice to her as I can possibly be but it just gets worse and worse. Today she actually attacked me. That's never happened before. Please help me.

k4c · Jun 19, 2011

BrandenHarvey said:
I need advice. I'm 27. I got married five years ago last Friday (June 17th). When my wife and I met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. I didn't mind. But I hated church for myself. Eventually, after we got married, my wife started following my ways.

Ironically, at the beginning of 2009, I started going to the SDA Church. I went to an evangelistic series and, after it was over, I started preparing for baptism. I was baptized on August 29, 2009.

None of this has sat well with my wife. She has been very antagonistic about it since I started, even spending all Sabbath, every Sabbath screaming at me for keeping the Sabbath. She gets irate when she sees me reading my Bible and starts slamming doors and everything. All I've done is pray for her.

Today, it escalated to a new level. We have a stun gun in our house, just in case of a break in. Today, she asked me to help her make a budget. I said we could do it tonight. She asked why we couldn't do it then. I told her that it was the Sabbath. She got irate and screamed, "I'm tired of all this Sabbath bull****." She got up and tried to kick me. I moved. She swung at me. I ducked and pushed her down, out of instinct. I feel bad for pushing her down. I've never laid a hand on my wife before. Anyway, she gets up and grabs our stun gun and ran at me with it. I quickly left our bedroom and held the door closed until she calmed down.

But this is getting out of control. We have a three year old son and, even though he was in the bath this time and didn't see it, what if he isn't next time? He doesn't need to see that. Jesus says not to leave your spouse unless they've cheated on you, and then it's still better to stay. So what do I do? I pray for her several times a day and I try to be as nice to her as I can possibly be but it just gets worse and worse. Today she actually attacked me. That's never happened before. Please help me.

Hi Branden,

It's a very hard situation to be in but we have to always keep in mind that God still loves her whether she follows His ways or not.

I believe the keeping of the literal Sabbath is of lesser value than understanding what it represents. The reason I believe this is because people can keep the Sabbath and still not be right with God.

Jesus put healing and caring for the hurt above keeping the literal Sabbath. Right now we have to view your wife as one who is hurt and if laying aside the literal Sabbath as issues arise beween you and your family will help bring healing than thats of much more value to God. Remember, God calls woman the weaker vessel. They are very emotionally and romantically created. She needs to know that you love her. Jesus says we are to love our wives like He loved the church and gave His life for it. I believe once she begins to see your love for her above all else I believe will awaken her love for you and God once again or at least she will be more open to your expressions of faith. Remember, God's love for us first inspired our love for Him and what did He have to do to make that happen? Just know that God knows your hearth so whatever you do to bring about healing in your wife is of a higher calling than reading your Bible in front of her or refusing to do something on the Sabbath because helping to heal your wife by laying aside these outward religious acts is more rooted and grounded in love than doing the acts inspite of her.

EastCoastRemnant · Jun 19, 2011

Brother, I am truly sorry you are having to experience this...

It would seem (I'm just postulating) that your wife, in order to go from being a devout SDA to the state she is in now must be controlled by an evil spirit. This is the only thing I can see with her being so adversarial towards you regarding Sabbath. Is she like this at all during the rest of the week?

Regarding the future of your relationship, yes, the Bible does tell us to stay with an unbelieving spouse and to witness to them through our spirit of faithfulness. In this case, however, especially in light of the escalation, I would council you to consider a couple of passages from Proverbs.

Prov 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Prov 21:9
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

While we are not permitted to divorce a spouse for bad behaviour, the Bible here seems to indicate that living in the same space with your spouse is not necessary and even advisable. I would also be concerned for the welfare of your son if your wife is truly being controlled.... I'm sure you have, but speak to your pastor as well to get his advice.

I hope this helps brother, I will pray the Lord give you the wisdom you need to deal with this most unfortunate circumstance...

Stay strong in the Lord and pray continually... He is faithful and will show you the way.

visionary · Jun 19, 2011

Sounds like an evil spirit to me.. just two cents worth.. but dealing with evil spirits is not SDA training or understanding.. you might have to go to a congregation that deals with demon possession to help your wife.

k4c · Jun 19, 2011

Argy Lacedom said:
< staff edit > .

I believe she needs to have a real personal encounter with the life changing love of God that is beyond herself, her husband, her kids and even the church. This is something that surpasses doctrinal facts. Doctrinal facts and prophecies can be amazing and very interesting to learn but many come to the knowledge of these things without ever really experiencing the unconditional love of God.

Stryder06 · Jun 19, 2011

visionary said:
Sounds like an evil spirit to me.. just two cents worth.. but dealing with evil spirits is not SDA training or understanding.. you might have to go to a congregation that deals with demon possession to help your wife.

Visionary, we've had experience in our church dealing with demonic possession. Why do you think we don't have an understanding about that?

Stryder06 · Jun 19, 2011

BrandenHarvey said:
I need advice. I'm 27. I got married five years ago last Friday (June 17th). When my wife and I met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. I didn't mind. But I hated church for myself. Eventually, after we got married, my wife started following my ways.

Ironically, at the beginning of 2009, I started going to the SDA Church. I went to an evangelistic series and, after it was over, I started preparing for baptism. I was baptized on August 29, 2009.

None of this has sat well with my wife. She has been very antagonistic about it since I started, even spending all Sabbath, every Sabbath screaming at me for keeping the Sabbath. She gets irate when she sees me reading my Bible and starts slamming doors and everything. All I've done is pray for her.

Today, it escalated to a new level. We have a stun gun in our house, just in case of a break in. Today, she asked me to help her make a budget. I said we could do it tonight. She asked why we couldn't do it then. I told her that it was the Sabbath. She got irate and screamed, "I'm tired of all this Sabbath bull****." She got up and tried to kick me. I moved. She swung at me. I ducked and pushed her down, out of instinct. I feel bad for pushing her down. I've never laid a hand on my wife before. Anyway, she gets up and grabs our stun gun and ran at me with it. I quickly left our bedroom and held the door closed until she calmed down.

But this is getting out of control. We have a three year old son and, even though he was in the bath this time and didn't see it, what if he isn't next time? He doesn't need to see that. Jesus says not to leave your spouse unless they've cheated on you, and then it's still better to stay. So what do I do? I pray for her several times a day and I try to be as nice to her as I can possibly be but it just gets worse and worse. Today she actually attacked me. That's never happened before. Please help me.

I'm sorry for this situation you have found yourself in Branden. I would say that you should pray and fast over this situation with your wife, and speak to your pastor about it. I don't know if I'd go so far as to say she's possessed but I wouldn't consider it far fetched. What kind of activities or music has she been in to lately? Has she been reading any new kinds of books or dealing with anything related to spiritualism or the occult? I've heard testimony of how such things have been avenues through which Satan has gained control of the minds of people. I'll be sure to say a prayer for you and your wife this evening. Stay encouraged, remember we don't wrestle against flesh and blood.

SoldierOfTheKing · Jun 20, 2011

Dear friend,

Get out of the house NOW. If you are home as you read this, go to a friend or relative's home, or if that is not possible check into a hotel. You are in physical danger if you stay. Your wife has lost control. Last time it was a stun gun. For all you know, next time it could be a butcher knife.

Furthermore, the is a very real possibility that you could injure her while defending yourself next time she attacks you, and you could be the one to end up with a domestic violence record, FOR LIFE. If she goes to the police and screams abuse, they will be inclined to believe her.

I'll leave it to you to judge whether she could be a danger to your son, but I think that if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't want to take any chances.

Once you're safely out of the house, I'll be happy to discuss this further.

k4c · Jun 20, 2011

Argy Lacedom said:
< staff edit > .

It's possible they both need professional counselling. Remember, we're only hearing one side. At face value she has a problem with at least him keeping the fourth commandment. I don’t think she has a problem with him keeping the seventh commandment. She also has a problem with him reading his Bible. The Sabbath and reading our Bibles are the two main issues people have when they have a problem with their belief, not a church. The reason for this is because these two activities are outward, visible it takes time and has to do with God. Everyting else can be hidden or benefits others.

lindart · Jun 20, 2011

k4c said:
Hi Branden,

It's a very hard situation to be in but we have to always keep in mind that God still loves her whether she follows His ways or not.

I believe the keeping of the literal Sabbath is of lesser value than understanding what it represents. The reason I believe this is because people can keep the Sabbath and still not be right with God.

Jesus put healing and caring for the hurt above keeping the literal Sabbath. Right now we have to view your wife as one who is hurt and if laying aside the literal Sabbath as issues arise beween you and your family will help bring healing than thats of much more value to God. Remember, God calls woman the weaker vessel. They are very emotionally and romantically created. She needs to know that you love her. Jesus says we are to love our wives like He loved the church and gave His life for it. I believe once she begins to see your love for her above all else I believe will awaken her love for you and God once again or at least she will be more open to your expressions of faith. Remember, God's love for us first inspired our love for Him and what did He have to do to make that happen? Just know that God knows your hearth so whatever you do to bring about healing in your wife is of a higher calling than reading your Bible in front of her or refusing to do something on the Sabbath because helping to heal your wife by laying aside these outward religious acts is more rooted and grounded in love than doing the acts inspite of her.

k4c, you are a wise man indeed! Your advice to Branden is so full of God's Light and Spirit! I hope to see your Godly wisdom often at Christian Forums! :amen:

k4c · Jun 20, 2011

lindart said:
k4c, you are a wise man indeed! Your advice to Branden is so full of God's Light and Spirit! I hope to see your Godly wisdom often at Christian Forums!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow...thanks for the encouragement...

OntheDL · Jun 20, 2011

Hi Branden,

From reading your story, I think the Lord's hand was definitely at work in consummating your marriage that led you into the faith.

Obviously the Lord knew in advance what would happen. If the marriage was approved of Him, He already has made provisions for it.

The enemy has been attacking her and now is using her to attack your faith. So now it's time for your faith to be tried and shine. If you are justified and is being sanctified, you are under the Lords' coverings. No harm can come unto you without His consent. Remember God is using you now because you may be the only link for your wife to get back to God. God loves her. Now you are a disciple, you have to show that love.

When it's difficult for you, just think of Jesus on the cross, He was the Lamb, did not fight back, did not curse, but did bless His persecutors.

Jesus did not teach a special way of dealing with demons to a specific denomination, but told all His disciples to pray and fast. Faith is the way to overcome the enemy. Waiting on the Lord may be the hardest thing to do. But faith is not knowing God can, but knowing God will.

BrandenHarvey said:
I need advice. I'm 27. I got married five years ago last Friday (June 17th). When my wife and I met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. I didn't mind. But I hated church for myself. Eventually, after we got married, my wife started following my ways.

Ironically, at the beginning of 2009, I started going to the SDA Church. I went to an evangelistic series and, after it was over, I started preparing for baptism. I was baptized on August 29, 2009.

None of this has sat well with my wife. She has been very antagonistic about it since I started, even spending all Sabbath, every Sabbath screaming at me for keeping the Sabbath. She gets irate when she sees me reading my Bible and starts slamming doors and everything. All I've done is pray for her.

Today, it escalated to a new level. We have a stun gun in our house, just in case of a break in. Today, she asked me to help her make a budget. I said we could do it tonight. She asked why we couldn't do it then. I told her that it was the Sabbath. She got irate and screamed, "I'm tired of all this Sabbath bull****." She got up and tried to kick me. I moved. She swung at me. I ducked and pushed her down, out of instinct. I feel bad for pushing her down. I've never laid a hand on my wife before. Anyway, she gets up and grabs our stun gun and ran at me with it. I quickly left our bedroom and held the door closed until she calmed down.

But this is getting out of control. We have a three year old son and, even though he was in the bath this time and didn't see it, what if he isn't next time? He doesn't need to see that. Jesus says not to leave your spouse unless they've cheated on you, and then it's still better to stay. So what do I do? I pray for her several times a day and I try to be as nice to her as I can possibly be but it just gets worse and worse. Today she actually attacked me. That's never happened before. Please help me.

OntheDL · Jun 20, 2011

Hmm...I think you are well meaning. Here's the problem I see: lets say his marriage is healed by him not keeping the sabbath and doing what his wife wants, how do you expect it not to be a problem again when the time comes when he wants to keep the sabbath again

Lets consider what Jesus wants us to do.

He foretold that the world would hate us for His name sake. It might be your friends and/or your family. He also said the one who loves his family more than loves Him is not worthy to Him.

One wrong can't cure another wrong. If the solution to a sin is compromise and breaking God's law, it's hardly a solution. Know ye not every apostasy started out as small 'harmless' compromise?

Believe in His promises, stand firm on His truths, He will deliver you out of the hands of thy enemy.

k4c said:
Hi Branden,

It's a very hard situation to be in but we have to always keep in mind that God still loves her whether she follows His ways or not.

I believe the keeping of the literal Sabbath is of lesser value than understanding what it represents. The reason I believe this is because people can keep the Sabbath and still not be right with God.

Jesus put healing and caring for the hurt above keeping the literal Sabbath. Right now we have to view your wife as one who is hurt and if laying aside the literal Sabbath as issues arise beween you and your family will help bring healing than thats of much more value to God. Remember, God calls woman the weaker vessel. They are very emotionally and romantically created. She needs to know that you love her. Jesus says we are to love our wives like He loved the church and gave His life for it. I believe once she begins to see your love for her above all else I believe will awaken her love for you and God once again or at least she will be more open to your expressions of faith. Remember, God's love for us first inspired our love for Him and what did He have to do to make that happen? Just know that God knows your hearth so whatever you do to bring about healing in your wife is of a higher calling than reading your Bible in front of her or refusing to do something on the Sabbath because helping to heal your wife by laying aside these outward religious acts is more rooted and grounded in love than doing the acts inspite of her.

k4c · Jun 20, 2011

OntheDL said:
Hmm...I think you are well meaning. Here's the problem I see: lets say his marriage is healed by him not keeping the sabbath and doing what his wife wants, how do you expect it not to be a problem again when the time comes when he wants to keep the sabbath again

Lets consider what Jesus wants us to do.

He foretold that the world would hate us for His name sake. It might be your friends and/or your family. He also said the one who loves his family more than loves Him is not worthy to Him.

One wrong can't cure another wrong. If the solution to a sin is compromise and breaking God's law, it's hardly a solution. Know ye not every apostasy started out as small 'harmless' compromise?

Believe in His promises, stand firm on His truths, He will deliver you out of the hands of thy enemy.

The key words are, "for the purpose of healing" I never said as a life style. There will come a time for him to proceed to the next level, according to the Lord.

Byfaithalone1 · Jun 20, 2011

BrandenHarvey said:
I need advice. I'm 27. I got married five years ago last Friday (June 17th). When my wife and I met, she was a devout Seventh-day Adventist. I didn't mind. But I hated church for myself. Eventually, after we got married, my wife started following my ways.

Ironically, at the beginning of 2009, I started going to the SDA Church. I went to an evangelistic series and, after it was over, I started preparing for baptism. I was baptized on August 29, 2009.

None of this has sat well with my wife. She has been very antagonistic about it since I started, even spending all Sabbath, every Sabbath screaming at me for keeping the Sabbath. She gets irate when she sees me reading my Bible and starts slamming doors and everything. All I've done is pray for her.

Today, it escalated to a new level. We have a stun gun in our house, just in case of a break in. Today, she asked me to help her make a budget. I said we could do it tonight. She asked why we couldn't do it then. I told her that it was the Sabbath. She got irate and screamed, "I'm tired of all this Sabbath bull****." She got up and tried to kick me. I moved. She swung at me. I ducked and pushed her down, out of instinct. I feel bad for pushing her down. I've never laid a hand on my wife before. Anyway, she gets up and grabs our stun gun and ran at me with it. I quickly left our bedroom and held the door closed until she calmed down.

But this is getting out of control. We have a three year old son and, even though he was in the bath this time and didn't see it, what if he isn't next time? He doesn't need to see that. Jesus says not to leave your spouse unless they've cheated on you, and then it's still better to stay. So what do I do? I pray for her several times a day and I try to be as nice to her as I can possibly be but it just gets worse and worse. Today she actually attacked me. That's never happened before. Please help me.

BH . . . Thanks for having the courage to share so openly. I suspect your situation has little to do with the sabbath and much to do with the dynamic between you and your wife. You've received a lot of advice in this thread. Mine is just another $.02 from some guy on the Internet.

First, your wife is beloved of God. She was fearfully and wonderfully made and you have been called to love her as Christ loves the church. That's a significant calling. It is a sacrificial love that lays down your own interests for the sake of your wife's happiness.

Others have suggested counseling for your wife and I agree that this is a good idea. However, whether or not she agrees to go, I would strongly recommend that YOU go. You may need some support in understanding whether there is an immediate threat to your safety. If there isn't, then you may need some support in learning how to move toward your wife . . . . to love her in the way she needs to be loved. Someone needs to take the first step . . . it might as well be you.

I've found that marital battles over religion are often merely a smokescreen for much deeper issues. The religious back-and-forth is merely the boxing gloves the couple uses to vent their frustration about those unaddressed, deeper issues. With some help, you may be able to dig a little deeper to find out what's festering under the surface. When you address the core problem, the symptoms may be easier to manage.

My thoughts and prayers are with you my brother!

BFA

stevendale · Jun 20, 2011

It's so obvious what you're doing is wrong. Yes you! Quit throwing the blame on your wife. repent and ask God to help you first then you can pray for your wife. Cast off that spirit of religion and love your wife. We are not under the 10 commandments any more. Galatians 5:14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor ( or wife ) as thyself.

k4c · Jun 20, 2011

stevendale said:
It's so obvious what you're doing is wrong. Yes you! Quit throwing the blame on your wife. repent and ask God to help you first then you can pray for your wife. Cast off that spirit of religion and love your wife. We are not under the 10 commandments any more. Galatians 5:14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor ( or wife ) as thyself.

So what you're saying is since he is not under the Law he can leave the wife that he loves and be with his neighbor's wife who he also loves?

Oh but you might say he can't love his wife and his neighbor's wife too. Says who? There are no guidelines for new covenant Christians. It's whatever floats your boat.

Our relationships are governed, at their basic level, by the godly principles set forth in the ten commandments. Every sin and crime committed in the world has its root in God's Law. The first four teach us love for God and the last six teach us love for others. Sometimes our relationships come in conflict with God's standard in which we need to work these things out with grace, prayer, mercy and God's love and influence.

stevendale · Jun 20, 2011

So you don't believe in the new testament? You don't believe that Jesus died on the cross for are sins?

stevendale · Jun 20, 2011

He needs to quit being self righteous. He's causing strife in his marriage because doesn't want to work on the sabbath. But he does work on the sabbath! because no matter how hard you try you will do something. Like wipe your butt for instance. Besides The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath. Mark2:27

k4c · Jun 20, 2011

stevendale said:
He needs to quit being self righteous. He's causing strife in his marriage because doesn't want to work on the sabbath. But he does work on the sabbath! because no matter how hard you try you will do something. Like wipe your butt for instance. Besides The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath. Mark2:27

There is a difference between forgetting the Sabbath and doing necessary things on the Sabbath. You are right when you say the Sabbath was made for man and not man for the Sabbath. Keep in mind, those words confirm the Sabbath, they don't deny the Sabbath. I say this to help you to be careful not to call people wrong or religious for obeying God.

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