So Afraid

Thanks for your post. I'm so sorry to hear what all you're going through. It really seems to me that your OCD has flared up really bad and it's causing you a lot of anguish. You mentioned that it was a terrible mistake to go off the meds you were on and try something different. If I were you, I would try going back on the meds that you were on and perhaps that'll help you out somewhat here. There's no shame in being on meds for OCD. Some of us around here can't do that (it doesn't work well for us) and some of us can do it and need to do it because it helps. God knows you're just trying to do the best you can to manage your anxiety so do what you have to do and ask him for help with the rest.

Maybe others will have a different opinion on the situation but to me, in reading what you've read here, I don't really see it as a 'cold feet' situation. I think your OCD is just really bad right now and it's causing you to think about a whole bunch of scenarios as OCD does best. I think if you can go back to whatever you were on and get your OCD somewhat minimized that it'll help you see clearly and you'll feel better about things.

You asked: How do you know if something is OCD or if God is talking to you? That's a very good question. I'm sure all of us have struggled with that at some point and maybe still do even now. All I can tell you is that if God wants to get your attention to make sure you get the right message than trust me when I say HE WILL get your attention and give you the direction you need. I can promise you that. Ask God for his guidance in your life. Ask him for his peace. And, I believe that's exactly what you'll get from him.

Elzic,


Sorry to hear of your struggle. It does sound like maybe coming off the medicine caused a flare-up and now maybe it's taking a while for the meds to stabilize again. My feeling is that because of the OCD you are over-sensitive about wanting to please God and over-anxious that you might accidentally do something to displease Him. Of course it is completely right to want to please God and make godly decisions, but in the end God knows your deep desire to please Him and I don't believe He would let you make a massive mistake while your heart is set on pleasing Him.

Nothing in your post indicates that your fiance is in any way bad for you. He seems to be very patient and understanding with your OCD and he doesn't sound as if he is doing anything to drag you away from God. As for your worry that you are bad for him, I think you should let your fiance decide that for himself. It's good that he already understands about your OCD before marriage. If he still wants to be with you, then why should you worry on his behalf more than he worries for himself? When it comes down to it, all married couples will have struggles to contend with, whether it be illness, unemployment or whatever, and that is the test of whether we really mean what we say in our wedding vows.


It's terrible trying to make decisions when you have OCD, isn't it? I find I'm always second guessing myself. The bottom line is: do you yourself want to marry this man? If so, I don't believe God wants to deliberately destroy our happiness just to make a point about us being ready to give things up for His sake. Do you know what I mean? So I would try not to read something into every little verse you read. If there was an actual reason why you think Daniel is not right for you, that would be different (such as if he was encouraging you to do something contrary to God's Word or stop going to church or something). But I suspect it's just your OCD making you doubt yourself. I think God would let you know clearly if it was something more.


You say that you are 'overcome by fear'. I think it's important to remember who we are in Christ. Christ has overcome fear. This is a fact, not just wishful thinking. It might help to proclaim some Bible verses like these:


I'm sure you can find plenty more such verses. Speak them out with your mouth, because Satan will try to get you to believe that you have reason to fear, when the truth is that God drives out fear. Wear the belt of truth and carry the shield of faith. Jesus has the victory over fear, so praise Him as often as possible and don't listen to the doubts.


I will pray for you.


HeatherG

As far as Biblical marriage goes, the only requirement is even yoke. Beyond that, if you fall in love you should get married. You know if that person is physically attractive in your eyes, if they have a personality you like, if you could see yourself with them. As long as they are godly, you have nothing to worry about. God isn't going to have 2 believers, be a wrong match. If you desire to be married, you should go for it. That is Biblical also. The Bible says that it is better to be married, than to burn with passion. If you have passionate feelings for this person, God wants you to have the desires of your heart, not to burn with feelings for a person and yet force yourself to stay single.
Paul decided to stay single, but Paul also said that he had a special gift where he didn't desire woman, just the ministry. When Paul talked about it being better to stay single, and staying single, I believe those types of people already have that in their heart. I have met people who truly have no desire to marry, they only want to be apart of the ministry and thats all. In that case, for them to marry would only interfere with their utmost desire, which is ministry.
My Pastor has confessed that he would not be nearly as effective, if he were single. He met the woman he loved, and it was his desire to be with her. God gave him the desire of his heart which was his wife, and because of it, he is a more effective minister.

Have you told your fiance all this, or have you been keeping it to yourself? How much does he know about your OCD? If you haven't told him everything, I think you should do so. He seems like a very good and patient sort of man, so even if he doesn't know everything already I'm sure he will take it in his stride.

As to the subject of your OCD - remember: the number one rule of OCD is that it always attacks what is most important to you. For example; my greatest desire is for heaven, so I am threatened with hell. Here on earth, my greatest wish is for my own small piece of land, enough to be self-sufficient on. But my OCD tells me that I cannot have it; that I am being idolatrous and selfish, that I should set my life and passions aside to serve God in some other way.

I recognise the same kind of thought patterns with your obsessions: so painfully OCD - mostly false, but with enough truth to make you think they might just be real. Your episodes with the involuntary vows are typical OCD too!

If I were you, I would try to relax and step back. Try to ignore the thoughts and think about other things. Treat the thoughts as OCD and wait a bit. The best recoveries are always those where you forget about the thoughts and then one day, many weeks later, you realise that some time in between, you stopped worrying about them. I know it is a ridiculous thing to ask this of you close to what is probably the biggest milestone in your life, but you must try!

Sounds tough. Just know that God does have a plan and that He will work it out. Acknowledge Him and He shall direct you paths. Prov 3:6

Definitely you DO want to tell your spouse-to-be about your OCD. Trying to hide it from him will be highly frustrating and ultimately won't be successful either once you're married and around each other consistently every day.

Ask God to help you get to a point where you recognize your OCD thoughts from your regular thoughts. It is certainly possible to have this recognition. No, it doesn't necessarily mean that your OCD thoughts will disappear - you will likely still have them - but you'll know what to do when you get them. You'll know that they're not real and that they're not to be feared.

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Dear Elzic,

My heart goes out to you. OCD is horrible and it comes to steal your joy and your hope.

My story is so similar to yours, and I have been battling it for over a year. Here it goes:

I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend and started talking to this amazing man. I started to really like him. I knew it was too soon for me to see someone, so i asked my friends what they thought about it. I have great godly friends who were just trying to help me. My family had faith for the relationship and told me to go for it. One of my close friends asked me whether I thought I was making an idol out of relationships. And that is where my OCD began. I kept asking myself over and over, am I making an idol out of relationships?

I thought, why let anxieties keep me from a wonderful relationship, and said yes to this great godly man.

Then I looked up idol in the Bible, and one verse in Ephesians 5 states that everyone who is covetous- that is idolater- has no inheritance in the kingdom of heaven. boom. In my mind I was keeping an idol and lost my salvation.

Now, this is all a LIE that I believed in. And we need to be sensitive to the lies that we are letting ourselves believe in. I fell hard. OCD stole my joy. It stole my eagerness to serve the Lord. It broke my communion with the Lord. I was anxious and fearful all the time. I came into prayer with a heavy soul- as if I was doing something wrong. I had no peace. Every time that I was having a good time with my boyfriend, I felt guilty. I felt like I was choosing him over the Lord. And it sounds silly to say this now, but I actually believed it. OCD is horrible in that we trust our feelings over everything. My thought process was, if I feel condemned, then I must really be condemned.

My feelings or anxiety and fear grew. I shared it with many people. It was not until 7 or 8 months into it that I figured out by the grace of the Lord that it was an OCD.

I did have moments of peace and clarity, which gave me faith to continue in this relationship. As I got to know my boyfriend better, I could not help but fall in love with him. He is totally gospel centered and his life reflects the gospel so clearly. He is the biggest blessing in my life, after my salvation. And not long ago he asked me to marry him.

And that is when I fell in the trap of "what is this is not God's will?" And if is is not God's will I am in sin and God is not happy with me. This is another lie that we believe in.

All I can say is that the Lord is good and He is faithful. The way out of this kind of OCD, in my experience, is getting to know the Lord. Really knowing Him, knowing His character.

The Lord is your heavenly father, who wants the best for you. You can come to Him with empty hands and He will fill them. In Matthew 11:28 Jesus said "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" Jesus came to give us peace and freedom and to release us from slavery. Go to Him. One thing I highly encourage you to do is to read your Bible! That is the LORD Himself speaking to you! Right now you are listening to your feelings, and that is so dangerous. The Lord has good things to say to you. I wouls recommend Deuteronomy- where you learn about the God who fights your battle. And also John!

Another big thing is speaking truth to yourself- the Bible says that marriage is between two Christians. If you are doing this, you are in His will, because that is what He says.

God's will for your life is in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-22

"Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. DO not despise prophesies, but test everything; hold fast to what is good. Abstain from every form of evil"

Pretty simple, huh? We just complicate it all.

I still struggle. Sometimes I am like what if it is not God's will? Then the Lord gives me grace and strength to thank Him for providing such an amazing godly man for me to marry. For me to to believe these lies. Marriage is a good gift. This man is leading me closer to Christ. I need to hold on to God's goodness and faithfulness in my life more than I hold on to these fears. This is a gift to you from the Lord. If he is Christian, leads you to Christ, you love him, he loves you, the families are both happy about, there is nothing left to figure out. Psalm 37:5

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will act"

I apply that to myself. I trusted. I waited. I surrendered. all by His grace and He acted and chose to give me the best man in the world.

Sister, there is hope, and His name is Jesus. He is powerful. And He will lead you out of this. He has done so much in my life. Just go to Him in prayer and be honest. Lord I am broken, tired, and fearful and I want to give up. He loves to hear from you.

Now that I am engaged, I had tough days, but they are almost gone. I say this to encourage you in the word. Pray that the word of the Lord and His truth will have a greater say, as it should, than your feelings that only lead you to fear.

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed" Deuteronomy 31:8

Take this to heart. and rebuke your fears in the name of Jesus.

Psalm 18 is great to read when you feel so down.

Praying for you!

1. Tell your boyfriend you have OCD


Now if I understand you correctly you made a vow not to marry, then you met a guy and want to change your mind? Is this correct so far?