I remember being here and being pleaded with a Christian to please understand the gravity of my sin of homosexuality. The poster didn't know me, didn't know how I expressed my sexuality, but just assumed that she knew better. I told her that I have talked about this with God literally once a week but as regularly as daily, since I was around 13 or 14, and I am 47 now, and still go to God, to make sure that I understood Him, that he is ok with me. Every time I pray like this, I feel only God's love, and nothing more.
This is quite different than when I wrong another. I will try to justify it, try to blame the victim, but there is a quiet voice that says, "Beanie....you know better." And I do, and it continues until I right the wrong.
However, with my orientation, I have never known anything from God in my prayer time except love and welcoming. It is only those in the Church that I have made me to endure accusations, condemnation, and daring to claim that God didn't love me, and that I disgusted Him.
She then told me that I needed to pray, not to "my" god, but to the One True God, hers. I said, "Ok, ok. I will promise to do this: I will take all of this to God, and address God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and Saviour, and the Holy Spirt. I will tell God that I am seeking his guidance, and to show me if I am in error of my understanding of homosexuality, and I will listen and obey."
I then asked that since I agreed to her plea, if she would pray the same prayer. She was incensed. "Why should I????" How dare I question whether she could possibly be mistaken.
I argued, "If you are right, you will be more confident in your faith. If you are wrong, you will be a little closer to God. I will say nothing to taunt you, but rather, rejoice for you and God for being a little closer. It's a win-win."
But she refused.
She asked me to turn to God about it, but was unwilling to humble herself before God, to admit that she may be wrong, and ask for His guidance.
I followed through with my promise anyway. I prayed specifically to God the Father, Jesus Christ His Son, and the Holy Spirit. I asked for guidance. I said that if I had strayed from God, even though I prayed during my Buddhism, that I was very sorry, and was only seeking to understand Truth and Love better.
What happened next I can't explain. It was kind of like a dream, and one that rarely happens. God spoke. God said, "You have never strayed from me, but I have been with you always. I have known you since your infancy. I continue to hold my hands out to offer you my love. But you have been deceived that it wasn't there. You have every right to pick up the title of calling yourself a Child of God. All you have to do is just accept my love."
What I suddenly understood is that we don't fall in or out of God's favor. God loves us. We sin, and God loves us. We love, and God loves us. So, we are free to live without fear of losing God's love, and because of that, I felt happy. I felt like a weight had been lifted. I knew that to thank God for loving me, I could love others as He showed me, and not need that they love me back. Being Christian wasn't about this or that sin, and feeling guilty. It was about living Christ by living everyone moment in love, by allowing God's love to simply flow through us. It was about forgiveness rather than a demand to be perfect.
And that really was Good News.
I felt happy.
So, I wrote about it.
The response? A Christian poster was angry that I had changed my icon to Christian. He said that I was NOT a Christian. I said, "And yet, I am. " He said that it was impossible to be gay and Christian. I said, "Well, God has done the impossible, and I am a miracle of God's power." He accused me of not knowing God. I said, "And yet, I do." Livid, he demanded that I deny that I know Christ, and deny that I am saved.
Now think about that: a Christian demanding that I deny Christ.
I finally told him that just because he says I have blue hair doesn't make it so. He is free to say what he wishes, accuse me of what he wishes, but I know better because my faith it strong, and all he has are pointless words.
But kind of a weird reaction, huh?
So, I find that atheists usually make far more sense to me that fellow believers sometimes, and agree with them when they think that some believers are bonkers.
