Women... what am I doing so wrong?

Edwards1984 · Apr 8, 2011

little_tigress said:
wait, wait, wait... you mean thats not true?

Lawl, yes, it's not true.

Ladies, I can safely assure you, if you're man spends 6 24-hour days with you, and decides on the seventh day to spend maybe one or two hours with his friends...believe me, he still loves you.

Varicose Brains · Apr 8, 2011

ab8907 said:
I can get a phone number but not a date... you text me one day then randomly stop? We text text text then I ask you out and then no more texts... I mean what the heck?! I am starting to think God is not wanting me in a relationship because every single one just ends before a date... I am almost 22 I am good looking and have a career... I don't understand.. This is mainly me venting because it just keeps building up but man o man.. I am christian I treat women right I am charming good looking athletic I just don't get why I am single.. I know this is wrong but I see just gorgeous women with... again im sorry but ugly weird guys.. and I just think in my head how the heck does that work? I hope someone can shine some light on all this because I been having some baaaad days lately with this and now my back is messed up and missed some days of work.. ugh

If a good looking woman is with an ugly man, it means the ugly man is loaded with cash. Women are attracted to men with money, whether they're ugly or not. Now, women will say this is crud and that they go for men who are nice, caring and have good senses of humour. Don't believe them. They like money. They also like bad-boy types though; the James Dean's of this world. Rebels. If you don't have much money but are a bad-boy type/free spirit, then women will like you (until a man with more money comes along). If you're an average guy with a mediocre career and/or low income your chances with women are low.

I think you're failing with women because you're probably (despite what you may think of yourself) in that latter category I just mentioned (average looks, low income). If you genuinely are good looking and have cash to splash, perhaps you're coming across as too needy/creepy. Women can tell when guys are desperate. Also, are you trying to date Christians or non-believers? Non-believers (especially educated women) won't date Christians; you'll spend all your time trying to convert them and they don't like that because it doesn't make for fun dates. If you're trying it on with Christian women, then you're either coming across as needy/creepy or you don't have enough money (or maybe both).

Tips; Wear suits, look flash, be confident and pretend you're not interested in them; women hate being ignored, even by fat ugly blokes with no money (though they still wouldn't date you). Oh, if you're overweight, stop eating the cakes and run like Forrest Gump every day until you can actually see your feet instead of your manboobs. Next, be genuinely interested in what they're saying. Women love to talk about themselves. You don't have to say much and it's better if you don't because then they think you're a good listener. Don't pester them with texts as soon as you've met one you like (again, you come across as desperate). Wait a day or two. Pace your texts out, and again, ask them about themselves; but not shallow stuff like "How are you?" Ask them what they think of their job, whether they like it, etc. The trick is to be interested in their personality and not their breasts; they're not a piece of meat and they don't like being treated that way.

I hope that helps because it's about all I've got.

liesje · Apr 8, 2011

Varicose Brains said:
If a good looking woman is with an ugly man, it means the ugly man is loaded with cash. Women are attracted to men with money, whether they're ugly or not. Now, women will say this is crud and that they go for men who are nice, caring and have good senses of humour. Don't believe them. They like money.

This is not true.

The trick is to be interested in their personality; they're not a piece of meat and they don't like being treated that way.

But this is true.

ab8907 · Apr 8, 2011

lol this is funny so many different answers... ha but all seem true.

BranwenUerchLlyr · Apr 8, 2011

If a woman is going for a guy's wallet, she ought to just get a job and support herself. If she is incapable of doing so, she has no grounds to sneeze at men who are equally incompetent. I do understand why a woman who is a high achiever would want her guy to be equally so. Don't try to make judgments about a couple based on the way each person looks--just too many wrong assumptions.

Also, don't hit on random people off the street, people you just met, or people at parties--especially if you have nothing to go on beside the fact that you like her body. If you're running the risk of getting rejected in public like you said, you're probably bothering women who don't want to be bothered. Most women don't want to be bothered for dates by random men, they want to date someone they like. If you begin a text messaging relationship under meaningless pretenses, ("hey you're hot, can I have your number?") is it really that big of a surprise when it ends similarly?

Also, avoid an attitude of entitlement in dating. Life doesn't promise you success with every attempt, and women don't owe you anything.

ab8907 · Apr 8, 2011

I don't go up to them and say your hot can I get your number. I do not go after someone just because of there looks. I go up to them at first because of there looks yes but I talk to them and see if they are what I am looking for. Big difference.. I don't understand why I can't go talk to a women? Your sorta saying I can't talk to any women I don't know because I am a random.

Gwendolyn · Apr 8, 2011

SneakerPimp53 said:
It's a species of dishonesty, and recipe for frustration and hurt feelings, to build a faux friendship when you want to date someone. It also reeks of leading someone on when you build a "friendship" knowing they want something else. Not to mention an easy way to make yourself out to be the good guy when they discontinue the relationship.

If you want to date them, you ought also want a good, solid friendship - because a relationship won't survive unless you have a good friendship as a solid base. I'm talking about patience - being patient and getting to know a woman before launching yourself immediately into a romantic situation.

I'm just not a fan of "let's immediately get romantic even though we don't know each other" thing. I know that it is common today, but I honestly think it is backwards. I'm not saying that he should lie about having feelings for a woman. I am just saying that he should be prudent and patient and calm down. Taking time to get to know a woman in a friendship shows her that you might genuinely care about her, rather than just going after her because you felt some spark of shallow sexual attraction (and it would be shallow because you don't know her well yet).

ab8907 · Apr 8, 2011

Gwendolyn said:
If you want to date them, you ought also want a good, solid friendship - because a relationship won't survive unless you have a good friendship as a solid base. I'm talking about patience - being patient and getting to know a woman before launching yourself immediately into a romantic situation.

I'm just not a fan of "let's immediately get romantic even though we don't know each other" thing. I know that it is common today, but I honestly think it is backwards. I'm not saying that he should lie about having feelings for a woman. I am just saying that he should be prudent and patient and calm down. Taking time to get to know a woman in a friendship shows her that you might genuinely care about her, rather than just going after her because you felt some spark of shallow sexual attraction (and it would be shallow because you don't know her well yet).

I agree!

Gwendolyn · Apr 8, 2011

Varicose Brains said:
If a good looking woman is with an ugly man, it means the ugly man is loaded with cash. Women are attracted to men with money, whether they're ugly or not. Now, women will say this is crud and that they go for men who are nice, caring and have good senses of humour. Don't believe them. They like money. They also like bad-boy types though; the James Dean's of this world. Rebels. If you don't have much money but are a bad-boy type/free spirit, then women will like you (until a man with more money comes along). If you're an average guy with a mediocre career and/or low income your chances with women are low.

This is hilarious. None of that is true for me AT ALL. I despise "bad boys" because they are immature and full of trouble. I have dated guys who some people would call "unattractive", but they were beautiful to me because of their personality - and that isn't a lie, that is just how I am. I also am not concerned about money, because guys around my age are at a point where they are just breaking into the working world and they don't have money. If I must be honest, I actually wouldn't want a guy who was rolling in cash - I wouldn't know what to do and the things I want for my life don't involve having tons of money.

Your post is so cynical that it is sad. Maybe you'be been interacting with immature women.

Fremdin · Apr 8, 2011

Varicose Brains said:
If a good looking woman is with an ugly man, it means the ugly man is loaded with cash. Women are attracted to men with money, whether they're ugly or not. Now, women will say this is crud and that they go for men who are nice, caring and have good senses of humour. Don't believe them. They like money. They also like bad-boy types though; the James Dean's of this world. Rebels. If you don't have much money but are a bad-boy type/free spirit, then women will like you (until a man with more money comes along). If you're an average guy with a mediocre career and/or low income your chances with women are low.

I think you're failing with women because you're probably (despite what you may think of yourself) in that latter category I just mentioned (average looks, low income). If you genuinely are good looking and have cash to splash, perhaps you're coming across as too needy/creepy. Women can tell when guys are desperate. Also, are you trying to date Christians or non-believers? Non-believers (especially educated women) won't date Christians; you'll spend all your time trying to convert them and they don't like that because it doesn't make for fun dates. If you're trying it on with Christian women, then you're either coming across as needy/creepy or you don't have enough money (or maybe both).

Tips; Wear suits, look flash, be confident and pretend you're not interested in them; women hate being ignored, even by fat ugly blokes with no money (though they still wouldn't date you). Oh, if you're overweight, stop eating the cakes and run like Forrest Gump every day until you can actually see your feet instead of your manboobs. Next, be genuinely interested in what they're saying. Women love to talk about themselves. You don't have to say much and it's better if you don't because then they think you're a good listener. Don't pester them with texts as soon as you've met one you like (again, you come across as desperate). Wait a day or two. Pace your texts out, and again, ask them about themselves; but not shallow stuff like "How are you?" Ask them what they think of their job, whether they like it, etc. The trick is to be interested in their personality and not their breasts; they're not a piece of meat and they don't like being treated that way.

I hope that helps because it's about all I've got.

That sounds like great advice for getting a terrible woman and building a relationship on insecurity and lies. Though Your name is very good.

BranwenUerchLlyr · Apr 8, 2011

ab8907 said:
I don't go up to them and say your hot can I get your number. I do not go after someone just because of there looks. I go up to them at first because of there looks yes but I talk to them and see if they are what I am looking for. Big difference.. I don't understand why I can't go talk to a women? Your sorta saying I can't talk to any women I don't know because I am a random.

You certainly can talk to any woman you like. It just may prove to be a very ineffective method.

ab8907 · Apr 8, 2011

So your saying talking to women is ineffective but not talking to any women is effective? That makes no sense... If I don't talk to any.. i will NEVER find one.. lol

Blank123 · Apr 8, 2011

ab8907 said:
So your saying talking to women is ineffective but not talking to any women is effective? That makes no sense... If I don't talk to any.. i will NEVER find one.. lol

I think what she means is going up to a woman out of the blue and trying to talk her up to start a relationship is going to be ineffective. And it will. Its an unnatural way to start a relationship.

Thats not to say you can't randomly meet someone at the grocery store, for example, if you happen to talk to a woman and click with her. but to actively be on the lookout for women you can approach that wouldn't know you from Adam in hopes of starting a relationship... thats not going to work.

SneakerPimp53 · Apr 8, 2011

Gwendolyn said:
If you want to date them, you ought also want a good, solid friendship - because a relationship won't survive unless you have a good friendship as a solid base. I'm talking about patience - being patient and getting to know a woman before launching yourself immediately into a romantic situation.

I'm just not a fan of "let's immediately get romantic even though we don't know each other" thing. I know that it is common today, but I honestly think it is backwards. I'm not saying that he should lie about having feelings for a woman. I am just saying that he should be prudent and patient and calm down. Taking time to get to know a woman in a friendship shows her that you might genuinely care about her, rather than just going after her because you felt some spark of shallow sexual attraction (and it would be shallow because you don't know her well yet).

And I would say you point out exactly why this is a species of dishonesty. A friendship isn't a romantic relationship, apples and oranges. A sibling relationship isn't a friendship. Just because relationships share some characteristics of other relationships doesn't mean they're the same thing. Romantic feelings are the basis of a romantic relationship, not a friendship. Dating someone doesn't mean you have to get overly romantic right away. You can take your time to get to know someone without pretending your interest in the other person is something it isn't. If you're over there telling someone your feelings for them then it's pretty clearly not a friendship anyway. You don't have to rush to touchy feely romance to be straight forward about why the relationship exists and where you're expecting it to go. If it's not going to go there because one person lacks interest then the other person has the right to know that so they can move on. As opposed to wasting months of someone's life building a "friendship" when they want something else and you don't.

Gwendolyn · Apr 8, 2011

If one person doesn't have romantic feelings for the other, then you aren't in a romantic relationship. It takes two to tango.

Edwards1984 · Apr 9, 2011

You know what? I couldn't help it. Every time I saw the title of this thread...it begged me to make one...

SneakerPimp53 · Apr 9, 2011

Gwendolyn said:
If one person doesn't have romantic feelings for the other, then you aren't in a romantic relationship. It takes two to tango.

It does, and that's exactly when you start leading the other person on. If you don't share their feelings it's just extremely crass and selfish to waste their time. A real friendship is devoid of romantic feelings on either side. It's a faux friendship when one person has romantic feelings and the faux friendship only exists because of their belief that a romantic relationship will be the outcome. It's just dishonest when you know how someone feels, and you don't feel that way, to allow them to continue to hope for something that isn't going to happen.

OGM · Apr 9, 2011

SneakerPimp53 said:
And I would say you point out exactly why this is a species of dishonesty. A friendship isn't a romantic relationship, apples and oranges. A sibling relationship isn't a friendship. Just because relationships share some characteristics of other relationships doesn't mean they're the same thing. Romantic feelings are the basis of a romantic relationship, not a friendship. Dating someone doesn't mean you have to get overly romantic right away. You can take your time to get to know someone without pretending your interest in the other person is something it isn't. If you're over there telling someone your feelings for them then it's pretty clearly not a friendship anyway. You don't have to rush to touchy feely romance to be straight forward about why the relationship exists and where you're expecting it to go. If it's not going to go there because one person lacks interest then the other person has the right to know that so they can move on. As opposed to wasting months of someone's life building a "friendship" when they want something else and you don't.

I would agree 100% with this. If I am interesting in a romantic relationship with a women; I will not try to go for a buddy friendship first; while all of the while hoping for her to like me romantically at some later date. That is not fair to her or me.

First; that would be a very deceptive practice on my part. Trying to be friends with a woman to ultimately have a romantically relationship is something I could not do. That would be like trying to be friends with a person so you could be in their will.

Secondly; if I entered friendship thinking I wanted to date this womanwhat happens if she rejects me when I ask her out? Should I just hang out with her as if she is just another buddy? Would she even be comfortable being around me after she realized I had feelings toward her that she obviously did not like. Would she feel I had feelings for her all along and that I was trying to use friendship to win her over romantically? Would she justifiably dump the friendship?

Thirdly; would it be okay for a guy to try to friend several women in the hopes one of them would like him romantically or vice-versa? Or should it be an exclusive pre-dating friendship where he (or) she does not date anyone during this time while they see if there is a hope for romance?

Fourthly; there is a question on what the duration of this friendship period should be before a guy should ask a female friend out. 3-months, 6-months, a year, play it by ear?

Ohhhhtrying to befriend a woman while your ulterior motive is to date her strikes me as dishonest. Butif the guy was honest with her in the beginning and told her he wanted to be friends with her first, because he thought that there was a hope for romance laterwell I see problems doing that too obviously

Now if both of them had no romantic feelings in the beginning of their friendship and romance bloomedI would not interpret that as dishonest.

Gwendolyn · Apr 9, 2011

SneakerPimp53 said:
It does, and that's exactly when you start leading the other person on. If you don't share their feelings it's just extremely crass and selfish to waste their time. A real friendship is devoid of romantic feelings on either side. It's a faux friendship when one person has romantic feelings and the faux friendship only exists because of their belief that a romantic relationship will be the outcome. It's just dishonest when you know how someone feels, and you don't feel that way, to allow them to continue to hope for something that isn't going to happen.

I think that your point of view neglects the fact that most lasting marriages do so well because the couple are friends as well as lovers. It isn't about deception. It is about being patient and prudent.

I don't believe that friendship is ever a waste of time. I find it insulting when men only want to give me the time of day because they are sexually attracted to me. That is shallow. I have expressed a desire to wait and get to know each other and build a friendship first, but they take off. That tells me that they only want to get into my pants, and don't care about who I am as a person unless they can get something out of it. That is selfish... but I suppose according to your understanding, at least they are being honest that they don't care about getting to know me first.

broken_one · Apr 9, 2011

Gwendolyn said:
I think that your point of view neglects the fact that most lasting marriages do so well because the couple are friends as well as lovers. It isn't about deception. It is about being patient and prudent.

I don't believe that friendship is ever a waste of time. I find it insulting when men only want to give me the time of day because they are sexually attracted to me. That is shallow. I have expressed a desire to wait and get to know each other and build a friendship first, but they take off. That tells me that they only want to get into my pants, and don't care about who I am as a person unless they can get something out of it. That is selfish... but I suppose according to your understanding, at least they are being honest that they don't care about getting to know me first.

If your assumption is true, then the list of available women is like zero. There are a lot of attractive women out there, but that I actually connect with....so small of a number.

Women... what am I doing so wrong?

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