Single...And Hating It

Hediru

Newlywed Wife, New Pastor, Loving the ride!
Sep 23, 2005
1,999
89
41
Ohio
✟17,747.00
Country
United States
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
Hi all.
I know you don't know me. It's been a very long time since I posted, and before it was always in the committed relationships forum where I gave and received advice based on a relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry at the time. Well, we split up over 3 years ago, and I haven't had a date since. I've tried to make peace with it. I've put my singleness in God's hands - and taken it right back again as soon as I see a good-looking man or watch a romantic movie. I have this ache that just won't go away. I want to be loyal to God's will, and while I can quote you all the reasons why being single is better (quote Paul!), deep down, I have this deep ache of loneliness. I don't just want a romantic fling. I don't even necessarily want a husband right now, or at least in the sense that I'm so desperate to be married that I throw myself at every single man I meet. I want a man to be my partner in life and in love. And yet, I have just about given up hope that this is ever going to happen. Have any of you ever felt this way? If so, what have you done in order to get past this and make peace with your current single state?
 

LadyOfMystery

Heart of Gold
Mar 25, 2007
38,436
8,272
36
North Carolina
✟278,993.00
Country
United States
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Republican
First off, hi :wave: Im Jennie.
Secondly, yes. I've felt the same way, and Im sure a lot of people here have. Honestly, I know it sounds silly but get involved in something. And I don't mean a singles group, to remind yourself that you are in fact single. lol I meant get a hobby, take photographs, get into a female book club. I'm not saying it'll work right away, but after you get into whatever you've started doing stick with it. You'll never stop wanting that special someone, but atleast you'll be doing something else besides thinking about it so much. The point is to destract yourself, from..well.. yourself. lol
 
Upvote 0

tapi

Regular Member
Apr 19, 2010
1,497
498
Stockholm
✟147,794.00
Country
Sweden
Faith
Eastern Orthodox
Marital Status
Private
I certainly know what you are talking about.. Personally, I sort of bounce back and forth between longing for a romantic relationship, and the feeling that maybe a lifelong singleness would be the right way.

For me I guess, in finding a sort of a calm in these matters, the main thing has been just realizing that if one tries to hasten up these matters by him/herself, hurtful problems and mistakes are more than likely to happen. A very wise archbishop said that instant love is very rare, and that usually couples start to understand what love *really* means only after they have lived together for atleast 5 years, and know basically every positive and negative thing about each other.
 
Upvote 0

Hediru

Newlywed Wife, New Pastor, Loving the ride!
Sep 23, 2005
1,999
89
41
Ohio
✟17,747.00
Country
United States
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
Thanks all. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. But to Jennie: I am very busy and should be sufficiently distracted! lol. I'm in seminary working on my master's degree and working part time. The irony is that between those two very demanding commitments, I don't have time for love, really. But that doesn't mean I don't want it. Oh well. Thanks for the advice though. Maybe I can get a group of girlfriends together and go do something. And Tapi: yeah, I don't want to rush things. I mean there's a guy in some of my classes that I'm interested in, but I've been hurt before, and if I ever date again I want it to be the right man at the right time. But I want that time to be now, ya know? ;) And lifetime singleness - I've wondered if that's the life that God is calling me to. If it is, I'll do it because it's His will, but I really don't want that. That idea just makes me want to cry. Leo: In general, Loved your comment! Made me laugh, which I need right now. :D Wouldn't all of life be easier if we could just get to the point of stop caring about the future (something I tend to do a lot) and just live in the present?
 
Upvote 0

Hediru

Newlywed Wife, New Pastor, Loving the ride!
Sep 23, 2005
1,999
89
41
Ohio
✟17,747.00
Country
United States
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
Additional thought. I ran across this scripture not too long ago, and it seems like it was written for this topic. I'm still trying to figure out what it means to me, but I thought I'd share.
For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.



Isaiah 54:5
 
Upvote 0

LoneSheep

Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
Apr 11, 2009
1,982
307
44
Pennsylvania
✟11,248.00
Faith
Methodist
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
It's a good idea to stay away from "romantic" things like movies or places that can trigger loneliness.

Also if you are busy with school, you might want to keep relationships at a distance for a while so you can complete your work. It's tough enough to balance school, work, family and friends. Throwing in a person who demands a lot of your time just makes things very stressful, and a possible breakup will really make your concentration suffer.
 
Upvote 0

hisbloodformysins

He's my best friend
Nov 3, 2003
4,279
217
45
✟5,464.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Republican
Hi all.
I know you don't know me. It's been a very long time since I posted, and before it was always in the committed relationships forum where I gave and received advice based on a relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry at the time. Well, we split up over 3 years ago, and I haven't had a date since. I've tried to make peace with it. I've put my singleness in God's hands - and taken it right back again as soon as I see a good-looking man or watch a romantic movie. I have this ache that just won't go away. I want to be loyal to God's will, and while I can quote you all the reasons why being single is better (quote Paul!), deep down, I have this deep ache of loneliness. I don't just want a romantic fling. I don't even necessarily want a husband right now, or at least in the sense that I'm so desperate to be married that I throw myself at every single man I meet. I want a man to be my partner in life and in love. And yet, I have just about given up hope that this is ever going to happen. Have any of you ever felt this way? If so, what have you done in order to get past this and make peace with your current single state?


I understand, i feel the same way :hug:
 
Upvote 0

miss-a

Newbie
Jul 12, 2009
4,325
818
Snowy Northeast
✟35,831.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
something I got in my email on waiting for God. Thought it might help: well it printed gigantic and I don't know why. Here's the link if you it's too big for your screen: http://www.bridgegap.org/ezine/index_btg_tm_jan11.asp

Jan2011edevoFull.jpg
 
Upvote 0

Spirit_Star

Newbie
Dec 14, 2008
382
16
USA
✟8,107.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Politics
US-Others
Honestly you are still young I’m sure you will find the right guy. Maybe God feels you are not truly ready yet to find that guy. The way you seem to desire a life partner I don’t think its God’s plan for you not to have one. I think those who have a desire for something it is God who put it there. Sometimes it can be hard to accept that things don’t run on our time they run on God’s time. Some say people find love with they least expect it. You might also pray about this to God.

I'm the same age as you and sometimes I wonder if the right guy will ever come around but I just have to trust God that he will.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

leothelioness

Well-Known Member
Apr 4, 2006
10,306
4,234
Southern US
✟112,055.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Celibate
Leo: In general, Loved your comment! Made me laugh, which I need right now. :D Wouldn't all of life be easier if we could just get to the point of stop caring about the future (something I tend to do a lot) and just live in the present?
Glad I could dish out some humor. :p

I hear you about not worrying about the future. It is possible, but it's really hard to get there, y'know?
 
Upvote 0