Any other Grandparents raising Grandchildren?

lavenderskies

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I am a 39 (till next month LOL) year old grandmother. My daughter is 20 and has a baby girl that is 8 months old. She was dating a man and they were out with the baby one night. When they got home my granddaughter had been hit. The entire side of her face, ear and skull were black and blue. CPS got involved and Dec 22 they called me to meet them at the courthouse and gave me emergency custody of my granddaughter. We had court Dec 23, and I was given custody and my daughter was made to move out of my home. She went to stay with a friend of mine who is an amazing christian lady but my daughter took advantage of her and did not like being told she needs to get her high school education and get a job so she left and moved in with the baby's father. He is not a christian and is a drug addict who has not had a job in the 2 years I have known him. He lives with his mother who has been evicted from 3 homes in 2 years. She is a pill popper.
My daughter has only seen her daughter a little over an hour since Dec 30 and I have told her she is welcome any time. CPS has given her a list of things she must do if she wants her baby back. Since getting the list Dec 23, she has not done any of them. In fact she has quit her job and does not even see her baby now.
My relationship with my daughter is being destroyed and if she does not change things I will be raising Aurora.
I have had to quit working so I can be with the baby since she has been through so much I think she needs time to adjust.
 

lavenderskies

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Thank you Crystal. I am learning there are a lot of grandparents in my small town raising their grandchildren also. Its hard though when protecting your granddaughter means losing your relationship with your own daughter. I just wish my daughter could see how much I love her.
 
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Spirit_Star

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Sorry to hear that but thank God little Aurora has you. I think you are smart to take time off to allow your granddaughter to adjust living with you. Unfortunately it sounds like your daughter does not care about her daughter at all and is not going to try do what the court has mandated her in order for her to get custody back. At this point the little girl is better off with you. I know this is starting to become quite common grandparents raising their grandchildren because the child parents are unable or unwilling too. I’m sure its hard having to pick between a child and grandchild but children need to come first. Your daughter is young maybe one day she will mature a bit. :crossrc:
 
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Singermom

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I'm with Spirit Star; this baby is blessed to have a grandmama like you. It must be so hard to basically start all over again, especially after...what, 20 years?

While I'm old enough to be my girls' grandmother :D I'm not raising grandchildren...but my brother is. His oldest son got a girl pregnant and they had a daughter (they were both around 25). He did marry his girlfriend, but neither of them had a parental bone in their body. My nephew is handsome, charming (not in the good way), and incredibly narcissistic; his wife is flighty, immature, and self-centered. Add to all this is the fact that eventually their daughter was diagnosed with Autism.

They messed up that poor little girl ten ways to Tuesday, including making her positively terrified of potty training (case in point: she's 8 now, and has only been potty trained for about a year). Finally my brother and his wife had had enough. Long story short, they now have full and complete custody of their granddaughter.

The change in the little girl since they gained custody has been nothing short of remarkable. When we get together she my girls have a wonderful time playing with her (she's one month younger than my oldest) and she's a sweet and affectionate child.

It takes a special kind of person to (as I said) start all over again and take in their grandchild...and you, my dear lavenderskies, fit that bill. God bless you!
 
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lavenderskies

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I just want to say thank you for all the support. Aurora has always lived with me. Her mom moved back home in February before Aurora was born in May. I am the one who cut her cord! I love both Aurora and Amanda so much! I know there must be another woman on her in my situation and sometimes I feel so alone in all this. I quit working and that has put all the pressure on my husband. Our marriage was already struggling, infact we had separated twice. We only reconciled a year ago. He loves having the baby around but misses that we have no time for us anymore. Its not supposed to be this way though the mom is supposed to be here unless she is at work caring for her daughter or unless she is at school or work. Well she has not seen the baby in over a week, infact since Dec 30 she has only spent an hour and half with the baby. She does not work, has no high school education, its a mess.
 
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tdrubadue

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Lavenderskies, My heart breaks for you. I googled looking for information on raising grandchildren and found your post. I am also a Christian, am 42, and am raising our 13 month old granddaughter who we have had since she was 6 months old. Her father is 23, has never had a job, did not graduate from HS, and is an abusive drug addict that has been in and out of jail. Our daughter is only 19 and is so very lost. She blames me for her situation, along with everyone and everything else. She has never been able to see beyond herself, and lies, steals, and manipulates to get whatever she wants and she has struggled with drugs and lifestyle choices since she was 14. We have raised her in a Christian home and we have a wonderful family with 7 kids. It is a blended family. Her father died when she was 10 of brain cancer, leaving me with four beautiful children. The wonderful man I married later on gave up his retirement so we could pay to get her therapy and drug rehab-- over $200,000 worth in 5 years. Now we are raising our sweet granddaughter, so he will be working even longer. I also had to quit working so I could stay home with our sweet little one. I would love to hear how things are going with you. I see you haven't posted in a long time. Please email me if you feel like it.
 
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jredman941

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I am 50 years old and my wife is 46, we are married right at a year, my daughter lost custody of her children due to drug abuse, we now have my grandchildren, 4 months and 2 years old, we found very quickly that we were not financially prepared for this, the state of Tn says I make to much money for childcare assistance but this is something we cannot afford, my wife is now not working and taking care of the children but this is causing our finance's to crumble. If anyone knows of free or very low cost daycare in the Knoxville Tn area, or any other child day care assistance that may help our situation, please respond or send me email.
 
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Valerie McDonough

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lavenderskies
I just spent 30 minutes typing you a reply, hit post a poof gone?
Just wanted to let you know I'm 40 and raising our son's baby. She is now 2 1/2 and we have adopted her. If you want to "talk" email me.
I have posted a blog with a few more details. I keep checking every day hoping I will find another set of grandparents who has been through this
I just want to say thank you for all the support. Aurora has always lived with me. Her mom moved back home in February before Aurora was born in May. I am the one who cut her cord! I love both Aurora and Amanda so much! I know there must be another woman on her in my situation and sometimes I feel so alone in all this. I quit working and that has put all the pressure on my husband. Our marriage was already struggling, infact we had separated twice. We only reconciled a year ago. He loves having the baby around but misses that we have no time for us anymore. Its not supposed to be this way though the mom is supposed to be here unless she is at work caring for her daughter or unless she is at school or work. Well she has not seen the baby in over a week, infact since Dec 30 she has only spent an hour and half with the baby. She does not work, has no high school education, its a mess.
Hi Lavenderskies. I am a widowed Grandmother @ 58 years old. My daughter too is and addict to heroin/morphine and lives a state away. i could have wrote a lot of your story :my relationship with daughter is pretty bad; she wont even speak to me. Her kids have been with me for about 3 years. They came from a very dysfunctional home with violence and drugs etc. They were 8,9, and 15 at first. They are now 11,12 almost 13, and 18 years of age. The beginning was very rough and a little traumatic, because they all had issues from their surviving of all their trauma. I did have to quit my job 1 1/2 years ago due to stress and health problems(stroke and brain surgery months before them). and them breaking so much stuff in the house when I wasn't at home. It seemed like my world was turned upside down from my quiet prayerful studying of scripture life. The kids had had lice in their hair for a year and it took me 5 more months to get it out! They had been out of school for 6 months and my daughter who had been gone a lot leaving them with the older daughter. She was only with me for 5 months. They were thrown from their home with Dad in prison and mom not there. the landlord told them to each pack a bag and get out at 6 in the morning. He put a dead bolt on their door. Oh the sorrow that came from my heart as I learned about other things. The tears rolled with my crys out to the Father. He has worked out many things and I can see it in their lives. My trouble is more health with diabetes, kidney disease, bp, and some complications. In last 2 moths i had visted the hospital 5-6 different times. I had 2 stents put in my heart, and problems with bringing down the blood pressure. all in all I have loved them and had many trials through it. the kids have changed a lot and as they grow their personalities do too. One thing I could say is that God is Faithful and in control. how else could all of this been working. There is now 1 believer in Jesus and 2 that are not. I won't mention the spiritual battles because as you know ONLY God gets the Glory! Blessings to you! Its been a long time since you wrote here and I hope this one reaches you. We could talk if you wanted too.
 
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JAM2b

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I work with a lady who has just adopted her three grandchildren. The youngest is 18 months and the oldest is 8 years old. It's for the same reason, child abuse and neglect due to drug addiction. They have had custody of the children for years, and they brought the 18 month old home from the hospital when he was born.
 
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Mama-Mia

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I am a 39 (till next month LOL) year old grandmother. My daughter is 20 and has a baby girl that is 8 months old. She was dating a man and they were out with the baby one night. When they got home my granddaughter had been hit. The entire side of her face, ear and skull were black and blue. CPS got involved and Dec 22 they called me to meet them at the courthouse and gave me emergency custody of my granddaughter. We had court Dec 23, and I was given custody and my daughter was made to move out of my home. She went to stay with a friend of mine who is an amazing christian lady but my daughter took advantage of her and did not like being told she needs to get her high school education and get a job so she left and moved in with the baby's father. He is not a christian and is a drug addict who has not had a job in the 2 years I have known him. He lives with his mother who has been evicted from 3 homes in 2 years. She is a pill popper.
My daughter has only seen her daughter a little over an hour since Dec 30 and I have told her she is welcome any time. CPS has given her a list of things she must do if she wants her baby back. Since getting the list Dec 23, she has not done any of them. In fact she has quit her job and does not even see her baby now.
My relationship with my daughter is being destroyed and if she does not change things I will be raising Aurora.
I have had to quit working so I can be with the baby since she has been through so much I think she needs time to adjust.
 
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Mama-Mia

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You are a young Grandmother and that works for your benefit.You are still very young and you can do it.This little one will bring JOY into your life and she will be a Blessing to you.

Your daughter ? The issue is not love.She knows you care about her.She knows you care about her child. Otherwise you would not have done what you did...by providing loving care for the little one.

Sometimes,our adult children get caught up in lifestyles that take over.It is not that they dont care for their children.They do ...but the lifestyle takes over.Addictions are terrible thing and at this moment your focus is to love this little one and go forward in life.

Your Legacy in life...is that you LOVED and you PRAYED and that is important.We don't give up although our adult children make poor choises. We don't get angry.We simply keep walking with God and He giveth more Grace. Each day.

Be Blessed and Trust God...He will Help you.
 
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