I have anger issues and need help

Do your parents guilt trip you into a lot of things? What is your communication like with your parents? A lot of the ways we react, communicate, express (etc, etc, etc) ourselves we actually pick up from our parents and/or form because of what our parents do or have done in the past. It translates over into how we interact with, respond to, and express to non-family.

You might want to consider writing down different feelings you experience, the different situations you have felt these feelings in, and why you have felt those feelings during those experiences. It might help you recognize the underlying reasons why you withdraw and act cold towards others. Then once you realize the reason, you can recognize what is happening and find a way to make the situation better.

For example, I used to shut down when my boyfriend and I would fight about how I should approach my mom regarding me wearing a head covering. I would just stop talking and avoid his glance. I would do this because he would trigger my personal sense of inadequacy I had about myself and make me feel like a child. And in his family, they're non-confrontiational so as a reaction to that, he can be forceful in his approach to issues he wants solved. Although, at times, he can be very non-confrontional about things that may bother him. Then, when I shut down, he feels ignored and disrespected which triggers his sense of inadequacy about himself....Now, where does this inadequacy come from? Fear. Fear of failure, for example. Fear of not being good enough.

I realize that whole entire example sounds like a lot of drama, but it's amazing how, as humans, there is so much about our own behaviors, habits, defensive mechanism, reactions, etc, etc we don't understand. My boyfriend and I started going through a book called A Spiritual Journey. It has helped us out a lot with communication. So, when I start feeling like he has touched that nerve, I communicate with love, that he has triggered my sense of inadequacy. He apologizes and gives me a moment. We are more sensitive about the kinds of words we use to communicate, and we try to keep our line of communication flowing. Of course, no one is perfect, but we're most certainly at a better place.

You may want to consider getting a Christian exorcism. I'm not joking, btw. Sometimes we have alot of demonic influence in our minds, and getting rid of it can sometimes help our issues when they're uncontrollable.
Also when you pray, you may want to ask God to show you what could be causing these problems. It may be something as simple as forgiving someone who hurt you long ago, and giving that anger towards them to Jesus. Sometimes that solves most (if not all) of the problem. HTH GBU

Lord Herdsetk said:

SwissMiss, i'm sure you are a nice person and all, but that website is a scam. Buy our stuff and you'll be saved. I don't like that at all. Just because i have a flaw i'm trying to deal with, doesn't mean i can pass it off as a demon screwing with me. Yeah i do think demons exist, but i can't say that everything bad that happens or my imperfections are on the account of demons. I'm human, i screw up.

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never said every little bad thing we do is the devil's fault. Of course we have faults. We're imperfect. And you know what? I only suggested to consider it. Good heavens, if you're having this much annoyance over a simple suggestion, why even ask? The site never tells you to buy stuff to be saved. That's simply not true. I don't like merchandise being promoted, either (who does?) but dismissing the whole idea because ONE ministry wants to sell videos is a mistake. But it's yours to make. I don't intend to discuss this any further. It's obvious that suggestions aren't what you want (at least, not from me. ModestGirlsRock also made a suggestion and didn't get the same type of reply). Not sure what you DO want, but hopefully you'll find it.

I’m glad you didn’t take that test. That site does not seem like a genuine one to me. Darkness cannot be fought with darkness. Everything you need is in your Bible, not some online demon test. Turn to God, ask Him for understanding regarding why you’re behaving the way you do. Read your Bible and get into His word. Many times, our behaviours are led by the devil, of course. But other times it may be that we just simply need to search deeper (and you already have an idea where your anger issues stem from) to figure out why we behave the way we do and then take responsibility for our actions. And these you can overcome and achieve with the help of God. You taking that test may end up hindering you in your path to healing rather than helping because I do not think the site’s a Godly one. Do you have a Church you attend? Speak to your Pastor/s, ask them for prayer. Most importantly, talk to God yourself and ask Him for help. He's always The Answer.

I agree, that demontest website is complete trash. The fact that it was even suggested here...

Herdsetk, the fact that you're seeking help and looking the issue in the face is a great start. It shows a lot about your character and that you truly want to be a good person. In this day and age, it's easy to become jaded it seems. Things like the internet are helping desensitize and wreck the emotional strings of humanity. The thing you need to do is actively seek out counsel from professionals; be it pastors or doctors who have positive experience in dealing with anger issues.

One of the major things that feeds anger is negativity. Stay away from it if at all possible. If you have negative friends, maybe it's time to get new ones. If you visit websites that are full of antagonistic, detrimental, pessimistic people, then go to places that feed you positive influence. Put positivity in your life and you will see change.

Good luck, mate.

It isnt easy to do, but if you havent already, be sure that you have forgiven your Uncle for his actions.

Demontest website? You dont need a site to know if you have demons, you can feel them creeping inside (moving around), hearing strange voices; typically those with demons tend to believe they are mad-and express their need to be put in the "looney bin".

The first step is to admit that there is a problem that you wish to confront, that alone shows you want to make a change. It's always helpful to talk to people about the issue (maybe a counselor or your pastor) and let them know what you're going through and how you want to resolve the issue. I wish you the best of luck, and god bless.

You need to embrace your anger. Gain strength from the power of your rage. Blame every vestage of anger within you on the TRUE SOURCE of it: Yourself!

You don't get angry because of other people or circumstances. You get angry at your own failure and, tolerating weakness in your mind, allow cowardice and denial to control you.

Reality doesn't care how you feel. Live in reality by not feeling sorry for yourself. The world doesn't revolve around you. The world doesn't even care that you exist. The sooner you face that reality, the sooner you will be liberated from the destructive elements of anger.

The sum of your actions equals the sum of your life product. If you are angry, the only person left to blame is yourself. You are on this website looking for understanding. That is a sign of weakness. Any form of self-pity is a breeding ground for the vices of humanity.

Heroes don't gripe.

Joshua Howard said:

You need to embrace your anger. Gain strength from the power of your rage. Blame every vestage of anger within you on the TRUE SOURCE of it: Yourself!

You don't get angry because of other people or circumstances. You get angry at your own failure and, tolerating weakness in your mind, allow cowardice and denial to control you.

Reality doesn't care how you feel. Live in reality by not feeling sorry for yourself. The world doesn't revolve around you. The world doesn't even care that you exist. The sooner you face that reality, the sooner you will be liberated from the destructive elements of anger.

The sum of your actions equals the sum of your life product. If you are angry, the only person left to blame is yourself. You are on this website looking for understanding. That is a sign of weakness. Any form of self-pity is a breeding ground for the vices of humanity.

Heroes don't gripe.

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Unfortunately, the last statement you made is controversial. Look at the armed forces of the United States? Rising suicide rates in the Army and Marine Corps-the problem you ask? Being too bold/scared/what have you to ask for help...nuff said. I heavily disagree with looking for understanding being a "sign of weakness", I believe it takes a true man/woman to ask for help.

Don't take my previous statement wrongly. I'm not saying that being a pent up maniac is a good thing, or trying to imply that people should hide the truth of their mental situation.

My main goal is to express the idea that focusing on something really strong is the way to overcome anger problems. I'm not talking about PTSD, or anything like that. I'm talking about typical anger problems that haven't come about as a result of combat or such-like.

Fire fights fire. Diamonds cut diamonds. Mushy, happy lovey stuff won't fix a hate or anger problem. You've got to use your own inner strength - the same stuff that makes you mad in the first place - to command change from within.

Vaccinate yourself against anger with anger. Use the antibiotic of something, or someone who is really inspirational and pure as a way to focus and accentuate the better spirit within yourself.

When I want to yell at someone else, I yell at myself and, many times, succeed in talking sense back into my own head during times of poor discretion.

I'm not sure i completely agree Mr. Howard.

I've had a similar experience as herdstek, and i can say that focusing on bettering myself didn't exactly help in getting over the bad things that happened in my life. Long story short, i had to let bygones be bygones, not fight fire with fire. Sentimental crap didnt' help me, time and God intervening did.

Keep in mind this as well: The only difference between a hero and a fool is that the hero fights alone because he must, but the fool fights alone because he can. Admitting you have a problem is a sign of weakness, but not admitting you have a problem would be a sign of arrogance and weakness(es). In other words, you are a better person for asking for help, even if it means others looking down upon you.

He's not asking for pity, he's asking for help; trying to overcome something as serious as anger issues alone is not a good thing. You risk becoming numb to the source of your anger instead of letting it go and going on with your life. There is a major difference between dealing with your anger, with your coldness, and getting used to being angry and just sweeping it under the rug or focusing on that anger to get you through. It may work in the short run, but I can almost guarantee that you will have some repercussions.

To be honest herd, you do seem a little angry even still at your uncle. That's fine, i understand deep wounds heal with time, if they do at all.

But i think you should consider this as well; you really aren't angry at your uncle so much as you are scared of how much your perception of people changed from this event in your life. Your uncle, a preacher, turned out to be two-faced. What he stood for, or claimed to stand for, was crushed into the ground when he wronged your aunt. It sounds like you valued your family a lot if this hurt your perceptions this much.

You do sound a bit sheltered if this was earth-shattering to you, not that i'm downing you for growing up in a nice family, but you have to realize that these kind of things happen all the time to people. Perhaps, even to those friends of yours. Maybe you were too harsh on them. Did you try explaining your situation to them, or did you assume they were ignorant in these matters without asking them for their advice?

Whatever the case, if any of what i said rings true, let me give you this last bit of advice. Don't continue to be bitter and cynical of others. Yeah, there are some pretty nasty things and people in this world, but mistrusting those you meet or know and expecting the worst of them only creates a self fulfilling prophecy. That is, you expect someone to do bad of treat you badly so they more than likely do.

I have been very bitter these last few years. It's a lot of years i'm not gonna get back. Fortunately, i'm still young, i've learned from my mistakes and am working on being a better person and am honestly trying to move on. I don't trust people easily and i even question if God is real on several occasions, but i havent' given up on either.

You want to change? Then the next time you feel yourself starting to act cold towards others, deliberately stop and think about what you're doing. Realizing when you're doing something wrong is the first step to change. You will have to swallow your personal pride doing so, but make every effort you can to ignore what you impulsively want to do and let it go.

That doesn't sound like "serious anger issues" it sounds like getting upset and sulking, which 99 percent of us do at some point. Unless it's a constant thing it just sounds like you react badly sometimes, like anyone else. I used to have serious issues, as in, outbursts and destroying property. One day, it just hit me how ridiculous it was, and I just learned to express myself better. That's really where anger comes from.

Lord Herdsetk said:

Hey, I'm kinda new to the forum. Well yeah i'm really new to the forum, i actually signed up because i felt something pulling me to ask a question on here to you guys.

This isn't something I've wanted to admit, but I've self reflected and noticed this: i have anger issues, some pretty bad ones.

First things first, no i don't get violent. I'm quite the opposite. I get incredibly cold towards others, family and friends included. And its always the little things, things that shouldn't get to me but do.

Today for example, I was planning on going to a friend's house to watch the oregeon game. At the last minute, my folks guilt tripped me into going my little sister's basketball game. I got really pised and pretty much withdrew myself from everyone for the evening. I had been planning on going to my friend's house for the last week or so and it just rubbed me the wrong way with them asking at the very last second and then trying to make me feel bad for not wanting to go. they more or less threw the excuse out there that i was still living in their house and i gotta follow their rules as long as i'm in their house and etc, etc, etc.

i know that sounds more like i'm just spoiled, but i can be quite cold to others when i'm like this. i don't like being like this and i think i have driven a lot of potential friends away because of my cold nature. how can i change? thanks.

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To sum it all up; I was a real rage-a-holic!! I mean, seriously! But one thing I've come to learn is that anger in general is an 'excuse emotion' to hide what's really going on inside! People throw anger around but really, it's not anger they're feeling. They really think it is, but deep down, it's not! Simple as that! To get rid of my anger, I had to go inside, pull that fithy, rotting junk out of me, and clean it all up! I had some internal house cleaning to do in a serious manner! Now, I can honestly say, in the past 6 years, I'd be lucky if I've been angry 3 times! Whereas before, it was a 24/7 thing! And I mean that almost literally; certainly a daily thing! It got to a point where I'd just blast over the smallest thing and something pulled me up and said, 'Whoa, wait up! What's going on here!? Is that really worth getting angry over? Okay, so what's going on?' That's where my journey began!

TanteBelle said:

To sum it all up; I was a real rage-a-holic!! I mean, seriously! But one thing I've come to learn is that anger in general is an 'excuse emotion' to hide what's really going on inside! People throw anger around but really, it's not anger they're feeling. They really think it is, but deep down, it's not! Simple as that! To get rid of my anger, I had to go inside, pull that fithy, rotting junk out of me, and clean it all up! I had some internal house cleaning to do in a serious manner! Now, I can honestly say, in the past 6 years, I'd be lucky if I've been angry 3 times! Whereas before, it was a 24/7 thing! And I mean that almost literally; certainly a daily thing! It got to a point where I'd just blast over the smallest thing and something pulled me up and said, 'Whoa, wait up! What's going on here!? Is that really worth getting angry over? Okay, so what's going on?' That's where my journey began!

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I like your reply. I want to emphasize the bolded part because I just love it and because I think it's so true. Sometimes it isn't anger but other things coming out as anger. And those are the roots you've to tackle before getting rid of that mask -aka. anger. I'm glad you were able to get to the root/s of yours and get rid of it/them, as well as the anger.

TheOliveSeed said:

I like your reply. I want to emphasize the bolded part because I just love it and because I think it's so true. Sometimes it isn't anger but other things coming out as anger. And those are the roots you've to tackle before getting rid of that mask -aka. anger. I'm glad you were able to get to the root/s of yours and get rid of it/them, as well as the anger.

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Our lack of dealing with what's really going on, we don't want to show it and so anger becomes the good old 'excuse'. That's what I found and what I've observed from other folks.
Thank you! And yes, it might be painful to go through all those things but the aftermath is total freedom!

Blind post: I'm sure you've gotten some good positive advice in this thread, but I have a big "DON'T" to recommend.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you to act on your anger. Control it; do NOT let it control you. Venting, acting out, hurting yourself, hitting inanimate objects, etc. may alleviate the symptoms of anger temporarily, but they do nothing to address the problem itself. Anger is not a physical substance; your mind and soul are not physical containers. Anger does not have to be "released". It has to be suppressed, mastered, controlled - ultimately, transformed.

If you find yourself angry AT someone, here's something you can do: be honest with them about it. Tell them "I'm angry at you. I know I shouldn't be, but I am". And if they are worth having in your life, they will be willing to work through it with you. That is acting out of love and patience, rather than acting out on your anger, and I've found in my own life that it helps to put out the fire before it catches, so to speak.

Hi, Lord Herd.

I think it's really positive that you self reflected and you're trying to change. This is the first and most important step. You dont want to be cold towards people you love, which means that deep down you are not so cold as you think you are. I've been there before. I know how you feel (i reckon).

Ask Jesus to warm your heart. I'm sure He'll give you what you need. It's apparently a stupid request, but it will be the beginning of your change.