Does God give up on us?!?

I am STUCK!!! Seriously!!! I have fought this depression.. & yet my mind has been so consumed with negativity that I took the semester off only to find out I am even miserable. I am lost completely with which way to go in my life. My mental state is stuck on despair that I keep missing my opportunities. I am terrified of being or acting happy because I just go back to feeling sad. Maybe its the environment Im in but at the same time I dont have anywhere else to go right now. Mentally beaten down verbally to the point Im losing severe hope in life & God. I know that he cannot just beam me out of the situation that I have to find light in the darkness but every time I find light I either blow it out or some else does.

I have some big plans for my life that this is about the worst time for all these setbacks to happen. I feel like giving up. Infact I think I have already.. all I do is sleep. I make a decision to go ahead the next day and do something great.. than I just feel unmotivated. I want out of this scary mental situation. I know I can do better than this. I know I can find a door someway.. but Im getting very bitter & praying to God that he doesnt give up on me.

Im 2 months into the new year... I want this year to go GREAT!!! So far Ive overcome going to far into depression. When I feel like going back where I was I stop myself.. I now TRY to look at my situation that there is hope.. Even though I dont see anything happening or anything.. that life will change & all my opportunities & dreams in life will happen!!! But I dont feel it.. I dont know how.. I was so ready to start over for this year.. Start over with school.. To better this time.. But I scared away from school.. I do it online.. its a lot of work.. Im terrified of failing.. or even succeeding.. Suddenly Im not making any right choices.. at least to me dont feel to be the right choices but to God I dont know..


All I know is I cannot wait to have my own house someday.. where I can sleep peacefully & listen to him (God) but I know that God doesnt just want me to rush off into a hiding place he wants me to be still & strong even in the darkest environment but Im lost. Im scared that if I give anymore time to something other than my dreams... I will be a failure.

But then I tell myself who am I to run off and pursue those dreams w/o doing Gods work first.. After all god gave me those dreams.. He gave me the revelation of whats going to happen... Im tired of sleeping so much!!! My brain feels like it has been stretched beyond repair!!!


Could someone please tell me all this Im going through is worth it!!!!

Because I really dont want to run off like a rebellious teenager trying to prove something to someone again like I did a month ago... =P

BY THE WAY .. Its feels good to be home here again!!! I missed EVERYONE!!! I kinda isolated myself there for awhile!!! Ill be adding to my blog!!!

Thank you!!! I just responded to your post!!!

It is hard!! No we dont get everything we want in life.. but I DO know this that Ive gotten better than I ever dreamed or asked most of the time. Its certain people in my life that Im loyal to that bring a lot of pain to me that many times it over bears God.

I believe God is teaching me through this that there is only ONE God who I should be serving that way.

You should try to get more ambitious about life, uplift yourself.. break out of the sleep patterns. You will do it!!! I didnt think I would but I did.. Now I just have to overcome this situation I am in. It is very hard to look at my life as finding a way out right now as this has been the biggest obstacle Ive ever had in my adult life. But I know I will even if it takes me another year to do it. God RESTORES TIME!!

Thank you all for you replies!! Yes I have put myself through a lot. Since moving in with my mother my old ways of thinking had come back & I allowed her the negative power she put on me to really bring me down but I know God put me here for a reason to learn to overcome her. She has been my BIGGEST obstacle in my life. She has never EVER allowed me my own life. My intentions of moving in here were not to be in the place that I am at physically and mentally but again is a good lesson for me. I had to teach myself when I got out of high school how to better maintain my life & how not to put so much on myself but I had felt it all went out the window when things got chaotic here.

But Im using this experience as an opportunity to pursue bigger things in my life. The challenge has stressed me very much but it has also pushed me to pursue bigger things in my life. Im learning through though it is crazy.. How to love myself.. how to pick myself up ALONE. Sometimes God doesnt show us the way because he wants us to learn to find there is also strength in ourselves to stand up through & find the door that he has open for us.

Its been a crucial experience.. but when I gave my life to God this is something I knew one day would come but I had thought a different purpose would come out of it. I didnt know that Id learn that my family was a very HUGE OBSTACLE in my life.

My mother becomes the center of everything in my life.. and she expects that to the point even my bills suffer but they never did because God has provided in some way each time. Its a shame for her that she is the block in my purpose because my determination to succeed with my passion would definitely lift her out of the financial mess she is in but I came to a point where I was obsessed with death.. I feared it terribly before the new year... that it woke me up .. & I realized this is MY LIFE. Not hers anymore.. I can be anything & everything I ever wanted to be and they only reason not all of it has happened yet was because of the mental block I had in my mind & the doubt placed on me by her... it became a part of who I was..

I pray that God takes this away.. Ive ran in circles my entire life trying to be someone I am not because Im terrified of being made fun of... or abandoned for making a mistake .. That its gotten to the point that Ill RISK IT!! I never cared when I was younger only did when my mother reminded that I needed to care what others thought. Too bad shes chasing everybody elses opinion and glorifying everybody elses kids and not her own... Honestly I dont need it anymore because God made me not her. Her children were a GIFT from God.

God had to teach me about the severe loyalty I had towards my mother. That even he had to suffer... I learned this I didnt know at all before that I always put her above him (God)...

I had to take a step back from school because I was more obsessed with doing it to make money than doing it out of passion. I needed to have a break & find out if this is what he wants me to do... but I needed a different perspective! As of now it seems to be a yes... But you know how God works everything is always another door to another door... =)

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