Can't relate to people my own age

seekHISface said:

I live in a ridiculously ghetto small town, EVERYONE drinks/does drugs etc.
I find it near impossible to even relate to people my own age,
does anyone have a simaler situation? what helps?

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I have a hard time finding friends, myself. It's not because everyone I know does drugs or gets drunk though, it's because the friends I used to have are too busy for me now. They're either married now, dating someone, working all the time or are in school all time. All of them are perfect excuses to ignore me. So here I am. There's no churches or social activities in my area that I am able to attend, so I'm pretty much a loaner. The only thing that's helped me even a little is reading the Bible and listening to Biblical teaching. That doesn't help the issue of meeting friends, though. I wish I knew what I could do about that. I have met some very nice people here, though, so that helps

SwissMiss said:

I have a hard time finding friends, myself. It's not because everyone I know does drugs or gets drunk though, it's because the friends I used to have are too busy for me now. They're either married now, dating someone, working all the time or are in school all time. All of them are perfect excuses to ignore me. So here I am. There's no churches or social activities in my area that I am able to attend, so I'm pretty much a loaner. The only thing that's helped me even a little is reading the Bible and listening to Biblical teaching. That doesn't help the issue of meeting friends, though. I wish I knew what I could do about that. I have met some very nice people here, though, so that helps

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Yeah, I know the feeling of old friends that are too busy. All the friends I graduated with are all married and/or have kids, in college, all the things you said. I have some friends from work, but it's hard to hang out with them outside of work. I live in a smaller southern, country town and there are a lot of "Christians", but a lot of them are kind of hypocrites. A lot of them go to church just for the social status of "they go to church, they're nice and high up". I go to church to worship God, most importantly. The social aspect of church, finding fellow believers and making friends is a added bonus of going.
There are a lot of cool people here, that I hope to be friends with. It helps to have some people to go through this crazy world with, lol.

SwissMiss said:

I have a hard time finding friends, myself. It's not because everyone I know does drugs or gets drunk though, it's because the friends I used to have are too busy for me now. They're either married now, dating someone, working all the time or are in school all time. All of them are perfect excuses to ignore me. So here I am. There's no churches or social activities in my area that I am able to attend, so I'm pretty much a loaner. The only thing that's helped me even a little is reading the Bible and listening to Biblical teaching. That doesn't help the issue of meeting friends, though. I wish I knew what I could do about that. I have met some very nice people here, though, so that helps

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Yeah, I know the feeling of old friends that are too busy. All the friends I graduated with are all married and/or have kids, in college, all the things you said. I have some friends from work, but it's hard to hang out with them outside of work. I live in a smaller southern, country town and there are a lot of "Christians", but a lot of them are kind of hypocrites. A lot of them go to church just for the social status of "they go to church, they're nice and high up". Not that I hate them or anything. I go to church to worship God, most importantly. The social aspect of church, finding fellow believers and making friends is a added bonus of going.
There are a lot of cool people here, that I hope to be friends with. It helps to have some people to go through this crazy world with, lol.

MyEverything said:

I'm in the same boat. I guess my explanation is that I went through a long rough patch in my life and ended up without any friends. I haven't made any sense, so I'm pretty much alone as well. It's hard for me to relate with people my own age because I don't share their interests or tastes. I tend to get along with older people though; people like my parents age. That doesn't do much for me though because everyone that age is busy with kids, careers, etc.

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mwright7 said:

I go to church to worship God, most importantly. The social aspect of church, finding fellow believers and making friends is a added bonus of going.

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See, I totally look at it the other way around. I don't go to church regularly right now, but when I go, the nicest thing is making friends. I can worship God any time, anywhere. I can't say the same about meeting people who share my belief system.

As for the original question, I went through a phase when the only people in my life who more or less shared my convictions were my family and my girlfriend. Then my girlfriend left me; I think part of the reason was because she didn't share my convictions as much as I thought she did. It was lonely when we were together. It was WAY more lonely afterward.

I don't know if I'd say I have trouble relating to people, but I know it can wear on a guy when no one else lives a similar lifestyle. If you can't find that one person you can relate to, there's always the internet. It's not as cool, I know. But it's something, at least.

mahlalie said:

See, I totally look at it the other way around. I don't go to church regularly right now, but when I go, the nicest thing is making friends. I can worship God any time, anywhere. I can't say the same about meeting people who share my belief system.

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Yeah, I see your point. I don't have to go to church to worship. It's nice to meet fellow Christians there to worship with, hang out with.

seekHISface said:

I live in a ridiculously ghetto small town, EVERYONE drinks/does drugs etc.
I find it near impossible to even relate to people my own age,
does anyone have a simaler situation? what helps?

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Read the book "Wounded by Love: Life and Wisdom of Elder Porphyrios".

seekHISface said:

I live in a ridiculously ghetto small town, EVERYONE drinks/does drugs etc.
I find it near impossible to even relate to people my own age,
does anyone have a simaler situation? what helps?

Click to expand...

Calling people "ghetto" is always a very very bad start. If you think that you are better than most people then they will not want to be around you, it's a simple as that. If you are better than them (in actuality) then you shouldn't need to hang out with them.
You could probably try to find a Church you like, or try to find some groups that support your interests.
Relating to people is not about finding points of contention, ergo they drink and you don't, but about finding points of common ground and then approaching each other over those.

Teufelhund said:

Calling people "ghetto" is always a very very bad start.

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I think you'll find he's calling his town/village Ghetto, and in all fairness it could well be, I mean I live in a village with 2 pubs, a church hall, and probably no more than a 100 souls.

You could probably try to find a Church you like, or try to find some groups that support your interests.

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Not everywhere has these sort of facilities. My only connection with the outside world, or folks around my age is the 1 trip a week to the main town of the area, and internet.

explodingboy said:

I think you'll find he's calling his town/village Ghetto, and in all fairness it could well be, I mean I live in a village with 2 pubs, a church hall, and probably no more than a 100 souls.



Not everywhere has these sort of facilities. My only connection with the outside world, or folks around my age is the 1 trip a week to the main town of the area, and internet.

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In all fairness to English, or at least Americanized English, or rather slang Americanized English calling a town ghetto in most places in America would imply a certain caliber of people living in it. That would be druggies and the like. Yes it is possible to live in a small town with no on to relate to, and that sucks.

To the OP: If that is the case then I would try to either obtain a method of transportation, which may or may not be possible and go to a better area, which also may or may not be possible. If you really don't have anyone your age to relate to, then find friends who are not necessarily your age, if this fails, then you don't really have a lot of options. I spent a lot of my life without much social interaction so I know that sucks, and you can either hang out with the people you don't relate to so well, or not hang out with anyone. I chose the latter but if it's a huge deal to you then maybe the former is a better option, but that's something you'll have to decide.

Edit Note: Evidently I shouldn't really be talking about English, at least not without insuring I'm spelling English correctly...

Teufelhund said:

In all fairness to English, or at least Americanized English, or rather slang Americanized English calling a town ghetto in most places in America would imply a certain caliber of people living in it. That would be druggies and the like.

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Yeah, I never associated his claim of living in a ghetto town with the class of people there. To me, that phrasing may imply that the people are poor, but not much else.

I don't hang out with the religious crowd because I'm not religious. I also don't hang out with the morally degenerate crowd because I've got values. That rules out a great deal; but in the end, I'm happier not spending time with those people, because even if I did, we wouldn't have any commonalities.

If you are picky about who you are willing to fraternize with, the ultimate result is not having any (or many) friends. That isn't necessarily bad. The good part of being selective is that in the end the few people who you do establish as friends are the kind of quality contacts that you wind up cherishing.

There is nothing I dislike more than having to worry about keeping up with a schedule that includes useless "chatter appointments" with people who I just don't really care anything about. That kind of social clutter is even worse than loneliness. Accept the realities of your life and circumstances, and move on from there. It is all up to you.

ITT: Elitism.

Get over yourselves, and then you may find that you "have common interests" with others. Get off your moral/religioius/intellectual/preference high horse.

Shabby said:

ITT: Elitism.

Get over yourselves, and then you may find that you "have common interests" with others. Get off your moral/religioius/intellectual/preference high horse.

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Right on! Mediocrity is your friend, everybody! Never pursue excellence; it alienates your peers.

MacFall said:

Right on! Mediocrity is your friend, everybody! Never pursue excellence; it alienates your peers.

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The fact that you associate "high horse" with "pursuing excellence" is very telling. (I'm in graduate school, I would never, ever, ever, ever tell someone to "just be mediocre!")

I'll make it even more clear, for those like Mac that don't know what "high horse" means. Stop being pretentious. Acting like you are too old for your skin is a completely normal teenage thing to do, but it's a complete waste of time. If you try to forge commonalities with people, you will be able to.

Shabby said:

The fact that you associate "high horse" with "pursuing excellence" is very telling. (I'm in graduate school, I would never, ever, ever, ever tell someone to "just be mediocre!")

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You're the one who associated moral and religious principle and intellectual rigidity with pretense, not me. Unless you meant to make two entirely separate propositions within your post, which your language did not indicate.

If you simply wanted to tell people to stop thinking so highly of themselves, you should have said that, plainly, and without using those things (morals, religion, and intellect) as indications of pretense.

MacFall said:

You're the one who associated moral and religious principle and intellectual rigidity with pretense, not me. Unless you meant to make two entirely separate propositions within your post, which your language did not indicate.

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It really saddens me that I have to explain this... yet again. Get off your high horse means essentially stop being pretentious, it has nothing to do with being morally principled, intelligent, or of a certain religious belief.

Get off your moral high horse is basically saying "just because people do bad things, doesn't mean you can look down on them". Get off your intellectual high horse is basically saying, "just because you are smarter than other people, doesn't mean you can look down on them". Get off your religious high horse means "just because people don't believe the same thing as you, doesn't mean you can look down on them".

This is not the same as being a principled, intelligent, and/or moral individual.

MacFall said:

If you simply wanted to tell people to stop thinking so highly of themselves, you should have said that,

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From now on, I'll post a note at the end of my post breaking it down into the simplest terms I can possibly think of.

Note: I won't use big words so everybody can get it!

MacFall said:

without using those things (morals, religion, and intellect) as indications of pretense.

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This is exhausting. They were NOT indicators, they were various kinds of pretense.

I wasn't saying "all of these moral people are on their high horse".

I said "get off your moral high horse".