I'm a horrible person...

I honestly do not know where to even begin. I have dug myself in a HUGE hole and I don't know how to get out of it.
I guess I should start from the very beginning...

I consider myself a Christian. I don't believe I am a very good Christian, but I am a Christian nonetheless. I was not raised to be a Christian however. I was raised by my mother from the age of 4 to 10 (my father took long business trips and he would be gone for months) and so I had a kinder and gentler female upbringing. I never learned to do manly sports or to be aggressive, so I got along better with girls.
Starting from about 10 years old, kids at my school would tease me and call me "gay" and other similar words. This still goes on today but not as harsh. I am a sophomore in college btw. So because everyone was calling me gay, no guys would ever want to be my friend because they were all "homophobes." It really started to hurt me during my freshman year in high school because I started to get really fed up with being called gay and having no guy friends. The really weird thing is that I started to believe everyone... I started believing I was gay. I figured "well no girl wants me because they all think I'm gay, and no guy wants to be my friend." I think I just wanted that male-male relationship because I didn't have a strong one growing up and I never had a lot of guy friends. And going to gay guys was the only place I thought I would find love and friendship.
The summer after I graduated from high school, was when I first kissed a guy. We made out, then things got carried away.<edit> It was something I have never done before. Long story short, he ended up being a real jerk and ruined some friendships I had which caused me to go into a deep depression. I would cry at night for months because I thought I deserved everything I had coming to me and I thought I was worthless. After I started college things started to get better for me, I met new friends, was living in the dorms, life was great. But I was still missing something. I was very shy starting college. Most of the friends I made were females. And even the guys in the dorm thought I was gay...so I just wanted to avoid them. Making friends with girls was easier anyway.
This year, my sophomore year in college, I basically screwed everything up. I came out to my 4 best friends. I came out as Bisexual to them. They are very understanding and supportive of me. But I know that being bisexual is wrong.

I started to talk to this one guy I met at Disneyland. We texted each other for about 2 weeks every day, and we had a "date" at Disneyland again. But this time, I went to Disneyland as a whole different person. I went as gay man.
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I wanted to make sure i was gay, bi or straight. And although it was awkward doing those things at Disneyland (with all the smirks, laughter, fingers pointed) I really didn't care because I didn't know anyone there that day.
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Basically this guy I went on a date with fell really hard for me. He is madly in love with me. He wants to spend every moment with me and text me all the time. I didn't realize the mess I created because now I have to tell him I can't be with him. I do not enjoy it. I can't continue this sinful life any longer. But he is hooked on me...and I never wanted to be that guy who breaks peoples hearts. I feel like a horrible person. I led him on for my own selfish desires and now I have to let him go because I love the Lord more. I can't stand to make him sad. He truly is a very sweet guy and he is extremely kind...that is why this saddens me. But i have to do it.
Please, everyone pray for me. Pray that I have the strength and courage to get through this. Pray that his heart will not be broken. Pray that God will still love me even though I am a horrible person and that I do not deserve anything. Pray for me, but most of all, pray for Jared (the guy I went on a date with). Please pray for him...I do not want him to be hurt. I just want this whole mess to go away!

i'm praying for you. and i want you to do something, look at my profile picture. i was 28 in that picture. i met a sweet guy named ken. we loved alot of the same things, including cooking, baking, gardening, etc., i actually thought he was gay. we were friends for three years and decided to marry. he's deffinately not gay or bi either. he has tons of girlfriends. a few guy friends. he just is charmming in personality. i feel like the most blessed woman in the world. my hubby is still my best friend. i admire how he shakes off the way people think; and how well we fit as friends. i've never met another guy like him until now. you. i know you are stuck at the moment. but get out and receive exsperiance and healling. healling from a mistake that is easy to make. bless your heart! message me if you want to talk further. xo dee

hey there!

I am not gay personally, however these advices might help you...
1)stop these gay relationships... Tell him that u cant stand it anymore...
2)Enroll in church community service or something like this... There will be good and honest christian girls. Try to date them( I said date, no making out or any kind of sex). See how you feel yourself. I assume that you are not gay, and all these thoughts were caused by these scoundrels and jerks at high school.
3) You are not horrible! Trust me, there are many persons who messed up more then you. As long as you confess and repent your sins, God will forgive you! Remember, he loves you unconditionally! He wants only best for you!
Praying for you brother!
God Bless!

everybody makes mistakes even the ones that are adored by GOD(like David,. . .) you, me everybody is a worthless sinners. you might think there is no hope for you or forgiveness but let me tell you something Jesus came for the sick(like me and you) not for the healthy. why the healthy need a doctor if they aren't sick. but for some one like you and me that needs a doctor(Jesus). Don't be discouraged and fill broken cos the GOD that created you is more than this heart aches and guilt. it's OK if you fell but don't forget to repent and get up. i think you know this what Jesus said about the sheep "he will leave the 99 to search for the one that is lost" and here is another one "the son that took his share from his father and spent it and after a long troubled life get back to his father. And how his father accepted him with love and open heart". All i am trying to say is that God loves you more than you love yourself. just try to stick with him in every situation even if you fail. He doesn't hate you or wants to punish you he is just as desperate as you, to save you to talk to you if you comeback to him he will accept you just like the previous father. Well it's easy to talk about something unless someone is really in your place. i am not gay, to your surprise i didn't even kissed a girl to this day(no sex obviously) i am 22 years old but i have this addiction for sin(inappropriate content and masturbation) and i am trying to live like GOD wants me to live. it's hard but i will take it one day at a time. The same might work for you please keep in touch cos we can help each other and pardon my grammar

happy leaving blive me if you stick by God it's not far for you and me to laugh

ThankUJesus said:

I honestly do not know where to even begin. I have dug myself in a HUGE hole and I don't know how to get out of it. Pray that I have the strength and courage to get through this. Pray that his heart will not be broken. Pray that God will still love me even though I am a horrible person and that I do not deserve anything. Pray for me, but most of all, pray for Jared (the guy I went on a date with). Please pray for him...I do not want him to be hurt. I just want this whole mess to go away!

Click to expand...

just posted, but another thing is that sometimes we have to "preach" the Word even when its inconvenient... as the Mass readings recently said (sunday)

we must spread the Word whether "convenient or inconvenient" ... words to that effect

I would strongly advise against dating a female just to see what it's like. However, if you go that route be sure to be honest with her. You don't have to say you've been with men unless it gets serious (since honesty in a serious relationship is important), but at least let her know she is the first girl you've dated and you wish to take it slow. I honestly think you should work on yourself before you began dating anyone. I know you don't want to hurt anyone and you might end up doing that if you rush into anything too soon. Tell this guy you are a Christian and even if he is hurt, he might understand that your faith is against same sex relationships. I will keep you in my prayers. I have friends that struggle with this and I definitely feel for you. I have heard some people who said they believed when people told them they were gay so they went along with it. Don't allow someone else to tell you who you are. You are a child of God and that is one thing you should boldly claim. Be strong and listen to what God wants you to do. Remember that he loves you no matter what. Seek love and comfort from God first and he will direct you on the right path. Feel free to PM me if you are feeling down, I am here for you.

We all mess it up at some point, and to some degree. The Christian who says &#8216;I never ever sin&#8217; is not a true follower of Christ. This is because when we begin to walk with absolute perfection we see ourselves as we really are - the best of us is as filthy rags: Isaiah 64:6 'All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.' The bible is full of people who fail God, except one - Jesus! Those who are in Christ have no condemnation: Romans 8:1. God does not differentiate between certain type of sin. He dose not have OFF days, like us. He does not have mood swings and vacillates in His ability to forgive us ALL - when we truthfully repent. His love is unchanging. Sorry, of this sounds almost clichéd but it is a fact! We who are in Christ are forgiven. Its as simple, and as straightforward as that.

However, certain types of sin can be a lot more addictive and ensnaring than other types of sin. Homosexuality, is a by-product I believe from (from experience) other previously sinful behaviour. Whether that takes place, in thought, with our eyes, or in deed. I remember reading recently in my bible about what happened too some of the army of the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah: Genesis 14 : 10: 'Now the Valley of Siddim was full of tar pits, and when the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled, some of the men fell into them and the rest fled to the hills.' Sexual sin, especially homosexuality, could so very easily be compared to falling into a tar pit! Could the above verse be an implicit metaphor to the terrible enslaving character and nature of Homosexuality? For those who have been bound with this sin may well think it possibly could... But rather than focus to much on sexual sin, it is better to look at this from a more general perspective. The flesh is always wanting to take the upper hand in our lives. Satan knows how the flesh can be effectively used to 'break' that which is most likely to lead to freedom from sin - an on going relationship with the one true and living God. In the original Hebrew, Satan means accuser!!! Revelation 12:10
'&#8230;For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.' This is a central facet of his nature - to put us on an ongoing guilt trip to weaken both our resolve to fight sin in our lives, as well as to draw us away from our Heavenly Father, who cares for us as a father would his own children. The key component to walking in ever greater victory, over our flesh, is to learn to walk ever closer to our friend, brother and companion - the Lord Jesus Christ. No other man can do this. Whatever transitory temptations the flesh may offer, simply pale into insignificance when contrasted against His omnipotent and everlasting Glory.

God bless you brother.
A will pray for you.