Not a good enough Christian?

How should I feel here?

My ex and I broke up a little while back...

We've remained pretty good friends and he has helped me in terms of getting closer to God. He goes to bible study with me, reads with me, etc. We're both pretty cool about the break up.
We broke up because he didn't feel that I was a good enough Christian (I was slacking a lot) and he was starting to make that change to better himself as a Christian...but here is where I get fired up and hurt.

No, we weren't perfect in our years together. God was not the head of the relationship, we had sex pretty much the entire time that we dated, etc. I feel pretty bad about it now and this is why I'm striving for change (not for him, for me) However, I feel that he takes the things from our relationship and holds them against my character as a Christian and a person. He has a crush on this girl and a mutual friend had been telling me that he told this girl "I have been wanting a good Christian woman for SO long..."
We broke up 1 month ago. That hurt.

1. This is a guy that not only from early on in our relationship (5 years) lied to me about other girls and ultimately cheated on me with a married woman he met at another church last year.
2. It takes two to have sex. I was a virgin when we met and I didn't force him.
3. Constantly chastised me for not being into Church enough, supporting him spiritually, not being a "good enough" Christian (Although he never actually said those words)...but then when I would ask him to read together he would excuse it or when I tried to stop having sex he would be okay until the urge hit and then REALLY pushed it. Even if I tried to leave the room before things got too far.

I just feel that he holds my mistakes of not making effort to be closer to God in our relationship against me and my character as a person but refuses to see anything about himself in the same light. It just fires me up because I am genuinely trying! I don't want to get back together, neither does he. It still hurts though to think that he doesn't even see my character capable of being a "Good Christian woman..."

How should I feel here because I am at a loss for words!

If God does not convict you, do not let his immorality inflict your faith. He has shown himself to be a liar and that the truth is not in him. Pray for him. You have acknowledge your weakness and failings and are striving to overcome with prayer and living of a new life in Him. Let not the past burden you down. What Christ has forgiven, you are not to bring up, and carry again.

I would get away from him b/c he's bringing up your past mistakes (some of which are also his past mistakes) and making you feel like you can't change and are inadaquate. When people throw around the "good Christian" card; it's usually because they are very insecure about their own self. Instead of judging if a woman is a "good Christian" maybe he should be focused on his own self and worrying if he is a "good Christian". Just from the little you have posted here about him, I think you dodged a bullet. Being the best christian we can be helps us be a blessing and encouragement to our SO not so we can keep tabs on other's spirituality and relationship with God. I understand breaking up with someone b/c you don't edify each other spiritually and don't help encourage each other (and being in different places or unequally yoked), but to keep dogging someone about their shortcomings to pull them down and not encourage them after the fact is really quite a nasty thing. I don't think it's very "Christian" of him to do what he is doing and saying in regards to you. Seek out friends that are going to build you up, encourage you in your faith, and will remind you that who you were in the past CAN be changed with God's help.

AtticusFinch said:

He has a crush on this girl and a mutual friend had been telling me that he told this girl "I have been wanting a good Christian woman for SO long..."

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Lol is he serious?, doesn't he realise that those who practice sexual immorality don't make it to heaven? that is end up in hell forever. Maybe he should first get saved then look for a women who's also saved. He dosn't see the log in his own eye.

Psalm 36:2 For he flatters himself in his own eyes that his iniquity cannot be found out and hated.

Being as he isn't exactly a prize himself, I don't think that his opinion matters that much. Besides, he has a track record of lying, according to you. How do you know what he (allegedly) said wasn't another lie?

Don't let him be your teacher anymore. Find a cell group that does not include him.

Honestly, it sounds to me like it's a good thing you broke up, since it probably saved you a ton of heartache down the road.

The reason Christ had to die is because none of us are good enough on our own.

I think everyone is being hard on him. It is harder to be celibate once you have already had sex, and it is ten times harder to celibate once you have had sex with the person you are in a relationship with. You said that you did not want to be in a relationship with him so what does it matter. Also I don't know how particle it is having bible study with someone you had sexual intercourse with. Also you said he cheated on you and lied to you about having other women then broke up with you because you weren't helping him in his walk. Maybe he saw you as a weakness, maybe he didn't want to be tempted with you or maybe lust is something he deals with and needs a woman that can be stronger in turning him down.

I am not one to jump down the throat on someone that believes in Christ especially when they are trying to flea temptation, in search of a woman that they view as being Godly and clearly trying to work on their walk on Christ by removing anything they see as holding them back(even though it was probably both of you holding them back).

QUOTE]I think everyone is being hard on him.[/QUOTE]

Everyone makes mistakes but the guy cheated on her...more than once. I don't think anybody is being particularly harsh on this guy.

Also I don't know how particle it is having bible study with someone you had sexual intercourse with.

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If God can forgive it and forget it then why not?

Though for this particular situation I don't know that it is the best idea...

Also you said he cheated on you and lied to you about having other women then broke up with you because you weren't helping him in his walk. Maybe he saw you as a weakness.

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I'm very confused. I'm not trying to attack or insult somebody but it does kind of seem as if you see that as her own fault that he cheated on her...wrong is wrong. He was in the wrong and has no right to make her feel like less of a Christian because of her mistakes while he ignores the weight of his own. She sounds like she's trying.

I don't see where anyone was particularly harsh on the boy. She is obviously trying to get right as well and honestly it seems as if he doesn't see his mistakes in same light as hers (Though some of them were the same committed mistakes) All that is doing is dragging her down.

That sounds tough. Yes, he's a hypocrite and he's justifying himself like Adam. It's common to shift the blame because it's hard to view yourself as a bad guy. They'll go to whatever mental gymnastics it takes to avoid that conclusion. We all think ourselves as basically good people who might have made a couple mistakes here and there and have good excuses for it or maybe not but we're still good people nonetheless, but other people don't get that kind of leeway.

Sounds like it's time to break off contact with him, not doing anyone any good.

Go tell a mutual blabber-mouth friend that you have been looking for a good Christian guy for so long, because he wasn't a good enough Christian for you, and definitely not the spiritual leader you'd want to be with!

Seriously though, I wouldn't even think about him anymore. Go find someone worthy of you or better yet keep working on yourself and praying that God sends you your perfect person.