Does this make me a freak?

LoveJC9 said:

Just how does one bring $300 worth of food, most of which needed to be put in the freezer to someone without them knowing?

You would have to know my personality. I am a servant. I have been sending food to them for six months now.

I can tell you what each of the 150 people in my church drink on Sundays at dinner after church, I can also tell you who eats what. So, when they line up after church and I start serving I don't have to wait for someone to tell me they want this or that I know because I am a servant. It is something God must have put in me, I don't know.

There are 18 people who live here right now. I can tell you all of their favorite foods, what I need to do special as far as likes and dislikes and allergies when I cook every day. I like to take care of people, it brings me joy. So you don't know what you are talking about when you said that I only did that because he is there.

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I did NOT say you only did that because he was there. What I said was that it sounded like you were justifying your actions because he was there. I KNOW you are a servant, I get THAT. I also know about feelings and have had similar feelings that you are having, but the difference is that I don't act on those feelings. And another thing is that you say how can you deliver groceries anonymously. Well what about a gift card to the grocery store? What about having the grocery store deliver them? What about having ANYONE else that you know deliver them? Anyway I am not trying to take away from the good that you are doing, it's just the whole snacks for him thing really, plus the giving of scriptures, and whatever else you are doing that keeps the relationship in this hopeful state for you. Like K9 said, we aren't talking about your "service" and you are the one that started this thread. I may not be privy to your whole situation, but to say I don't know what I'm talking about when I give my opinion seems just a tad rude to me, just sayin'
Look I saw an old boyfriend from (30 years ago) about 2 years ago and ever since then I can't get him out of my mind. He wasn't a good boyfriend but he was my first real love. I used to think of all kinds of ways to contact him (he lives in a different state) but I stop myself EVERY time because I KNOW it would never work and I KNOW the only reason I am even thinking about him is because I saw him, and my husband had died, but still I STILL THINK ABOUT HIM AND WHAT IF'S, so I think I DO KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT on that subject anyway, and that is what I was referring to, not how kind you are or what a great servant you are.

I wish they'd stop you from making threads that concern him, but since they won't, I'm inclined to put you on my ignore list.

You know your behavior is not helping you, and it's not helping him. He doesn't love you and he doesn't want you. I don't care WHAT kind of "signals" you think he's giving. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. GET OVER IT by whatever means necessary.

Goodbye, Laurie.

ordinary.girl said:

I wish they'd stop you from making threads that concern him, but since they won't, I'm inclined to put you on my ignore list.

You know your behavior is not helping you, and it's not helping him. He doesn't love you and he doesn't want you. I don't care WHAT kind of "signals" you think he's giving. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. GET OVER IT by whatever means necessary.

Goodbye, Laurie.

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Wow, if this is true you have to move on. Git on Giddy. Find someone else.

However, leaving him snacks may be strange. I've said and done some strange things. But I at least realize they were strange. It would only be strange if you didn't know it was strange. Clearly, you can see that or you wouldn't have asked. I think I said strange too much.

If I loved a man I would do those things, so I don't think you are a freak.
But, after 6 months, and knowing who I am dealing with, I would also know that I am and can be mentally strong enough to push things away. I always think I am weak mentally. I always think that I can let things get to me, easily and not be able to work themselves out. But, I've learned that I can be strong. I can be because life is too short to run around after someone who is not worth my self worth!

Do what you must JC. I don't know anything else I can say that others have not said, or I would not say to myself.

My only advice is to think of our daughter and as LT said, set her a good example of what a man should be like and who a woman should love and look for in a man! You owe her that much.

I've only been keeping semi-up with what's going on, but I too would counsel you try and cut this man out of your life as much as possible.

I pray you come to realize this on your own. I am all too familiar with feeling, even KNOWING, that others are wrong about me needing to stop doing X, and going on doing it. And sometimes, the only way to get around that is to stumble upon it yourself.

So, I pray you do.

Metherion

One thing is very very clear here. And that is that the OP has no intention of cutting this man out of her life, nor taking herself out of a bad/unhealthy situation.

LoveJC9 said:

I don't even know who this person is, but apparently they think they know what is going on in my life better than I do.

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You asked for opinions. You cannot get offended when those opinions are something you don't want to hear. you've given everyone here enough information about the whole Richard saga to know that what is going on now is not good or healthy.

Gwenyfur said:

Just wow...

I know my advice isn't truly welcome here...
But I suggest you get some counseling...it sounds to me as if you're incredibly co-dependent, and ripe for an abuser to come along, trick you and everyone else into thinking he's great...just in time for him to beat the living crap out of you...

get help...
now...

This is really self destructive and dangerous behavior.

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I agree. Sorry, LoveJC9, I don't mean to make you feel bullied. From all the posts I've seen you make since you came to CF, I feel there are certain aspects of your personality that bring you unnecessary sadness and suffering. I empathise with you deeply, and I wish you could see that there are certain things you should change about yourself, for your own benefit.

LoveJC9 said:

So today I go buy groceries for this family from church who is having some financial problems. Well, this just happens to be where Richard (the guy that I am still very in love with who I should have ran from 6 months ago) lives. So, I had a special bag of all the snack foods he likes in it. I gave it to the lady and asked her to put it in his room. Does it make me a total stalker type person to know all of his favortie foods and to leave them for him??? He has to think I am just a complete freak....

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Worry less about how your actions appear to him (or anyone else, for that matter) and more about how they affect your well-being.

You know you should cut ties with him, but you're struggling b/c you still have feelings for him. Doing nice/thoughtful things for him are self-destructive for you if you are truly trying to create a boundary and heal your heart. They will only cause you to romanticize the relationship in your head, rather than allow you to accept that it's unhealthy and move on.

I've read through the thread. The "friend zone" that you feel you have created is probably not helping your effort to move on. Find a neutral way to deliver his mail - or ask him to get a PO Box and have it forwarded there. Having him frequently is probably the most damaging part, though. No matter how benign you feel the situation is, I'm guessing you understand how detrimental it is to the healing process.

LoveJC9 said:

I have been to their house one time since he has lived there and he wasn't even there.

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Then all that means is you got lucky and dodged a bullet. "Don't put the Lord your God to the test" by doing things like this that will get you closer to Richard.

You should also let your pastor know that his coming over twice a week is not helpful to you. Maybe they need to meet on neutral ground, or perhaps there's another church family that it would be better if you stayed with. You need to cut this guy off completely.

sure you can. and knowing your history with Richard I'd be shocked and surprised if your pastor wouldn't understand and agree that some other alternative should be found.

LoveJC9 said:

I asked if I looked like a freak for knowing everything about him. Not for unwanted advice on Richard. I know how everyone here feels.

I also know that the Jesus I serve wouldn't treat anyone the way I am told to treat him or the way some posters have treated me.

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we're trying to look out for you, Laurie. You've said on another thread that when your emotions get the best of you that you cannot see clearly. perhaps those of us here who are not biased or blinded by emotion are able to see something that you cannot? Perhaps some of us have been where you are now and know exactly what you're going through and the best solution to dealing with it? just a thought.

I haven't seen anything unChristian in the advice you've been getting here. No one is tell you to hate him. No one is telling you to bad mouth him behind his back. What you are being advised to do is to guard your heart and set a good example for your daughter. both are Biblical. But if you're deadset on keep Richard in your life no matter what, I can understand why you wouldn't want to hear the advice you've been getting.

anyway. you've made it clear you're not interested in hearing others thoughts. so I'll bow out now.

little_tigress said:

we're trying to look out for you, Laurie. You've said on another thread that when your emotions get the best of you that you cannot see clearly. perhaps those of us here who are not biased or blinded by emotion are able to see something that you cannot? Perhaps some of us have been where you are now and know exactly what you're going through and the best solution to dealing with it? just a thought.

I haven't seen anything unChristian in the advice you've been getting here. No one is tell you to hate him. No one is telling you to bad mouth him behind his back. What you are being advised to do is to guard your heart and set a good example for your daughter. both are Biblical. But if you're deadset on keep Richard in your life no matter what, I can understand why you wouldn't want to hear the advice you've been getting.

anyway. you've made it clear you're not interested in hearing others thoughts. so I'll bow out now.

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THIS!!! Yes it's obvious from your responses that you DON'T want any advice. And until you realize this yourself you won't be open to advice. That is perfectly fine, but the people on here are trying to tell you what would be in your best interest, but I guess all you wanted to hear was that you weren't a freak? Alot has transpired since before this relationship even started and I wonder how much your pastor knows. It's not my business but I think you know in your heart what is right and that is the reason you are defensive. God is trying to tell you thru others here, but you have the free will to do whatever you want, but if you are going to continue on the same path, maybe you shouldn't post threads about it any longer. JMHO

LoveJC9 said:

So today I go buy groceries for this family from church who is having some financial problems. Well, this just happens to be where Richard (the guy that I am still very in love with who I should have ran from 6 months ago) lives. So, I had a special bag of all the snack foods he likes in it. I gave it to the lady and asked her to put it in his room. Does it make me a total stalker type person to know all of his favortie foods and to leave them for him??? He has to think I am just a complete freak....

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No I don't think so. Sounds to me like your just trying to help out.

Ok, for me that your posting over something that is trivial and you said you bought it and left it for him, even though he should've been out of your life 6 mos ago, is the indicator that you need counseling in this area, you haven't let go, that's obvious, and I doubt you're trying to be honest. I think he's trying, but you're not.

LoveJC9 said:

That is assuming he isn't interested. You aren't here for the day to day conversations, phone calls, emails, the looks, the "hey I am coming to cut a couple of the guys hair do you want me to trim yours", the comments he is making to other people.

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Um, you said he ended things. He's clearly NOT interested. Get your head out of the sand and quit deluding yourself.

BTW, you need to seek therapy for your obssession with dysfunctional relationships.