Dating people with Kids

soccerdad66

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I've had my son meet the girls I've been interested right away, and he doesn't like them, I know there's something wrong, since he's pretty friendly.

It is hard, because when you've been in a relationship, it takes time to understand your role and relationship to the kid(s), and the dynamic can be different from person to person.
 
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MacFall

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I'm not sure I follow about being equally yoked being dependent upon someone having kids. Someone having kids doesn't necessarily mean that they're not Godly people.

I meant in terms of maturity, life experience, etc.
 
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mina

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I'm 30 and I would think twice before dating someone with kids. It depends though I suppose. Mainly, I wouldn't want to be involved where there was lots of anger and problems with the ex OVER the children, b/c I wouldn't want the children to be involved in crap like that. As it is , i'm now dating someone who is the same age, never been married , and has no kids.
 
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RobertMerton

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How do you feel about dating a person with children in your early 20s ,and how will your parents react ?

parents are pretty conservative, they would probably object.
I probably wouldnt' date someone with children.

I would have to see their personality though
 
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broken_one

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At my age there are 3 reasons why someone would have a child:

  1. Married (very) young, then divorced
  2. Wanted to have a child....think Octomom
  3. Whoring around :)sorry:)
The second two would really be red flags, and the first one is marginally as well (since you don't know the situation). Either way though, children are nice and fun to play with, but they are also dealbreakers.
 
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ProAntiRevolution

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Unless you're ready be a parent PERIOD, don't date someone with kids.


This is wrong headed, and a big part of the reason why so called "blended family marriages" fail at higher rates than average. You don't need, nor should you think of yourself, as someone's parent if the kid isn't yours by biology or adoption. Otherwise, the kids have two parents. They don't need a third and you're just going to cause a lot of headaches trying to force yourself into such a role.
 
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ProAntiRevolution

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As for the question, in my early 20's I would have to say that I wouldn't date someone with kids. The woman I'm currently seeing doesn't have any, and that's a plus now that I think about it. Though I would say, just to be realistic, when you get past a certain age it becomes more and more likely that the single's pool you're in will be filled with people with prior relationships and a lot of children in those relationships.
 
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Marycita

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Kids is not a deal breaker for me...but I think there would be even more prayer going into a relationship with the person



My family would probably be incredibly weirded out by it at first, since I'm the youngest in my family and have always been the "baby" myself. (...On the other hand, I've had a few friends tell me they picture me ending up with someone older than me who already has kids. ha...)
 
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Trashionista

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I'm 23 and quite immature in a lot of ways, so the likelihood that I'd (personally) have that much in common with someone who's raising kids responsibly is unlikely. I don't think it'd get past the first or second date, so the whole reaction of my parents would be a non-issue.

At the same time, if I fell in love with someone who had children, and honestly in my heart of hearts knew that this was my 'soul mate', the fact that my decision to comitt would hinge on whether my parents approved or not, would suggest then, to me, that I'm not that into them.

At the same token, I don't really like kids, and I'm not 100% sure I really want any. Maybe I am one of those people who dislikes kids in general and only loves their own; but in that case, I probably wouldn't get too far in with someone who had kids. At any point in life - early 20s, thirty-something, toxic mid-forties bachelor.
 
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white dove

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How do you feel about dating a person with children in your early 20s ,and how will your parents react ?

As an older person...


When I was in my early 20's, I did not even consider this an option. Although I've always been attracted to guys a bit older than me, I did not see anyone on the horizon who had children at that time and I have never dated anyone with children. I also never wanted to have children in my 20's anyway (and yeyyy, never did ;)). As I got older, I became more comfortable with and called to adopt children -- ie. loving and caring for children I, myself, did not carry with me for 9 months and doing so as though they were my own flesh and blood. So, I became more aware and open to this concept, albeit cautious. Still now, as a non-20-something, I would be very cautious of this. Although drama and such is not exclusive to those with children (and sometimes, not so much because as tempting as it is to believe, not everyone is a walking stereotype), I do take care to consider the relationship had or missing with the biological mother. If it is a toxic situation, I would refrain. I also would take care with how many children are involved. I, personally, find more than 2 overwhelming. But who knows, if God called me to such a life, I would be prepared for it. As far as parents are concerned, I guess I thought more of their acceptance and whatnot when I was in my teenage years, not a whole lot in my 20's as I became just naturally inclined to desire the type of man they would want for me anyway. I think there would be major concerns over being with someone who was married previously, but again, I would naturally feel less-inclined to date someone who's been married before anyway. But again, who knows.
 
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yam

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I can't date or marry a guy with kids. I can't deal with the drama ,and I do not have the patience. I know this lady who is marry to this guy kids and she is miserable. He allow his daughter to disrespect her and when she tries to train them he tells her not to discipline his daughters.... She is in a mess.
 
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ProAntiRevolution

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I can't date or marry a guy with kids. I can't deal with the drama ,and I do not have the patience. I know this lady who is marry to this guy kids and she is miserable. He allow his daughter to disrespect her and when she tries to train them he tells her not to discipline his daughters.... She is in a mess.


Or she could stop trying to "train" someone else's children and save herself a lot of trouble.
 
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Blank123

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I can't date or marry a guy with kids. I can't deal with the drama ,and I do not have the patience. I know this lady who is marry to this guy kids and she is miserable. He allow his daughter to disrespect her and when she tries to train them he tells her not to discipline his daughters.... She is in a mess.


sounds like he doesn't respect her if he doesn't care how his daughters treat her.
 
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yam

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Or she could stop trying to "train" someone else's children and save herself a lot of trouble.
The kids live with she and her husband. Their mom has been out of their lives since they were born. she is in another country ... They don't know her . Their stepmom is the only mom they know.....
 
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yam

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sounds like he doesn't respect her if he doesn't care how his daughters treat her.
He does not respect her and he knows how his daughters treat her ,and he allow them to disrespect her . His kids can't do wrong in his eyes .... long story . The woman wants to divorce him ... They have 4 kids togother ,but he always put his girls ahead of their kids.
 
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memoriesbymichelle

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He does not respect her and he knows how his daughters treat her ,and he allow them to disrespect her . His kids can't do wrong in his eyes .... long story . The woman wants to divorce him ... They have 4 kids togother ,but he always put his girls ahead of their kids.

Well I do not think you should you this friend as your end all be all example. It was NEVER this way for me and even thru all the heartaches and headaches and drama, I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN! So for you, since you said yourself that you cannot date or marry someone with kids, then you can't..end of story. Unless and until you change your opinion about that, then for you it would be wrong to do anything other than date people that don't have kids. So what was the point of your thread?
 
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Blank123

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Well I do not think you should you this friend as your end all be all example. It was NEVER this way for me and even thru all the heartaches and headaches and drama, I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN! So for you, since you said yourself that you cannot date or marry someone with kids, then you can't..end of story. Unless and until you change your opinion about that, then for you it would be wrong to do anything other than date people that don't have kids. So what was the point of your thread?


I agree. I've seen examples where one spouse prefers their children over the other parent in families with a step-parent and in families where the children belong to both parents. You can't take one example and accept that as the norm. I've also seen many examples where both parents (natural/adopt/step) value and love eachother and their children and there is a good balance within the family.

Its the individual family that determines the dynamics, not whether the children are biologically related to both parents.
 
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