Do people really think like this?

memoriesbymichelle said:

BBM Of course you can be angry, but the Bible says :

Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV) "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
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Ephesians 4:31 (NKJV) Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
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And here are scriptures that give examples of what anger does. Hope this helps.
anger burns (Genesis 39:19)
anger can be fierce and cruel (Genesis 49:7)
anger can be hot (Exodus 11:8)
anger consumes things like stubble (Exodus 15:7)
anger can be aroused (Exodus 22:24)
anger can be hostile (Leviticus 26:28)
anger can be provoked (Deuteronomy 4:25)
anger destroys (Deuteronomy 7:4)
anger can be furious (Deuteronomy 29:28)
anger flares up (1 Samuel 20:30)
anger can be jealous (1 Kings 14:22)
anger can burn and not be quenched (2 Kings 22:17)
anger can break out (1 Chronicles 15:13)
anger can be poured out (2 Chronicles 34:25)
anger can come as a blast (Job 4:9)
anger overturns (Job 9:5)
anger can be unrestrained (Job 9:13)
anger increases (Job 10:17)
anger assails and tears (Job 16:9)
anger rebukes (Psalms 2:5)
anger arises (Psalms 7:6)
anger reviles (Psalms 55:3)
anger overtakes (Psalms 69:24)
anger smolders (Psalms 74:1)
anger is powerful (Psalms 90:11)
anger is like an upraised hand (Isaiah 9:12)
anger rages (Isaiah 30:30)
anger surges (Isaiah 54:8)
anger can trample (Isaiah 63:3)
anger can be kindled like fire (Jeremiah 15:14)
anger pursues (Lamentations 3:43)

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Thanks for the scriptures! The first two are the ones that confuse me. I suppose anger is something you should try and avoid no matter what, as it can turn into something that's a lot more serious.

lostaquarium said:

I don't ever feel the need to retaliate. If someone's mean to me, I just stop caring about them. It's not out of retaliation, just simply that I have nicer people to spend my time with, and better thoughts to think about.

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That ^. If someone does something purposely mean to me; I just disengage; it doesn't interest me to be involved in their pettiness. If it's simply they didn't speak to me at some social event; I give them the benefit of the doubt and probably don't even think about it being a dis.

I'll admit I'm tempted to sometimes. Lately I have a new trick to remaining calm and not getting angry. It's pretty simple, but when someone does something that gets my goat, I try to think of all extraneous circumstances that may have caused the individual to react negatively to me, and then I feel no need for retaliation. Simply put, try to remember that the world doesn't revolve around you, and then you'll have less need for retaliation and things that are done in third grade classrooms.

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mina said:

That ^. If someone does something purposely mean to me; I just disengage; it doesn't interest me to be involved in their pettiness. If it's simply they didn't speak to me at some social event; I give them the benefit of the doubt and probably don't even think about it being a dis.

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I understand this.

I just lose interest in being friends.

I know a person who was friendly to me when we first met. A co-worker. They acted like we were good friends or something, but this person became friendly to all people. They would say hello to the person next to me and ignore me, especially if I tried to get their attention. I know that they weren't trying to be rude to me, probably, but I considered it insensitive. I even told the person that one time, and they were confused.

When the person left the job, they sent an email to a small group, including myself, with their contact info. What about all those other people you talked to when you ignored me. I just deleted it, and I felt relieved that they were gone.

i dont think everyone thinks about it, but everyone does it. they call it revenge if you plan it out, but its really no different if you do it subconsciously IMO. something happens, people react. its human nature and we all do it. some people more than others doe consciously seek vengeance but every one retaliates.

k
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Luther073082 said:

I don't but my mother does.

She keeps a running tab in her head of which family members came to which events for her and her kids.

So if you made it to my graduation party, then she felt compelled to attend your kid's graduation party.

But if you didn't make it to my graduation party, she's feels quite free not to go to your kid's graduation party.

She lives in this quid-pro-quo world in a lot of things, including gifts (and the amount spend on them)

Revenge and things of that like are just natural parts of that world.

FYI: Many of you know this, but some of you don't. My parents are not Christians.

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Another example is that the other day I could not answer my phone due to being busy with the house or taking the dog out or something, and Kirk's mom, who hates when I don't pick up, decided to go on facebook and tag a really awful picture of me that she knows I hate.

I just untagged it and went on with my day, so, I guess I do not really qualify as someone who thinks in "revenge" mode or whatever.

Note that I do love Kirk's mom a lot and we get along well, but I am aware of her tendency to be passive aggressive. I sometimes find it annoying, but I just ignore it.

She is just too sensitive and finds things personal when they are not, and she LOOKS for things to be personal. She freaked out the other day because Kirk answered her text in all caps, and thought he was "yelling" at her. Well, the truth is, Kirk doesn't know how to turn the caps off on his phone. He texts me in all caps, too.

People who think in revenge mode are usually very insecure and have biases in their thinking (like hostile attributional bias in children). I feel sorry for them because it must be very miserable to think the world is out to get you all the time and get so bent out of shape over such little things that normal people know mean nothing significant.

memoriesbymichelle said:

So....do you think of getting back at people, or making sure they know they wronged you or offended you? Do you seek retaliation? revenge?

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Hmm...


I fight against this if I sense it coming at all. Usually when I'm upset with someone, I try to think about the problem and the person as rationally as I can and I find that I don't really jump to things as I once did. Like, kid stuff, you know? I think though sometimes, I definitely do this in what I view as "small" ways. But, it still counts. Sometimes, I have to second-guess my choices to abstain from talking to people because I wonder if I am indeed taking the higher road or if I'm just trying to simplify my own life. I think sometimes it's necessary to cut people out and at certain times, but at the same time, it shouldn't be done out of anger or revenge. Ever.

little_tigress said:

hm.. I don't think like that as a rule. Sometimes when I'm really hurt, I try to hold grudges, but I'm actually not very good at that. Thats not to say I can't have my moments of being vindictive. I think everyone does.

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Mostly this.

Melissa1208 said:

People who think in revenge mode are usually very insecure and have biases in their thinking (like hostile attributional bias in children). I feel sorry for them because it must be very miserable to think the world is out to get you all the time and get so bent out of shape over such little things that normal people know mean nothing significant.

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Oh yeah my mom definatly thinks the world is out to get her sometimes.

I used to race to get ahead of ANYONE who cut me off, whether they did it accidentally, without seeing me or on purpose, because they're in a hurry. This morning, I was cut off, and didn't think about it, other than to watch to see that I wasn't following them too closely. God changes us on the inside, when we're not looking.

memoriesbymichelle said:

Do you think she will ever change?

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Obviously I have my hopes. But she's been pretty much the same my whole life. So for me to actually belive that she will change is to belive that she will turn and become something totally different from the mother I've known for 28 years.

Just really difficult to belive.

memoriesbymichelle said:

I hear ya, but remember ALL things are possible with God. There have been people in my family that I thought would never change and accept Christ and they did. Keep prayin for ya. I have someone similar in our family and God is working on her at this very moment.

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I hope so. For her God is convienent for when she is at the end of her rope and there is no place else to look. She almost died about 3 or 4 years ago. And when she's in the hospital she really wanted people to come in and pray for her and such. (And we got the vicar (intern pastor) at my church at the time to do that)

After she got out, I got her a bible thinking that maybe that this had made her think a bit. It was an NLT translation so its not hard to understand. She ended up reading two chapters from Luke and that was about it.

But its always been like that. A God is there when she's at the end of her rope. But beyond that life is all about her. (I say A God because the God she belives in is nothing close to the God detailed in the bible.) She claims to be Christian, but her beliefs are not Christian in the least.

We started a prayer group, at a car dealership I used to work at, when the daughter of the owner, who was also the site's General Manager started working there, and was a born again Christian. She asked around, and a few of us joined right away. She said we should invite everyone, but no one approached one guy who expressed his hatred for God and Christians frequently. One day, he joined us, because he had become saved, and we were all very pleasantly surprised by his complete change in appearance, demeanor and attitude. God can use anyone, and He doesn't care how mean they are. I've seen Him save people that I wouldn't give you two cents for. He changes them, and they become better Christians than those raised in the church. Those who are forgiven more love more. Thank God for His great salvation.

It's a a confusing sack of bile to me. I have higher expectations of friends, but I don't mind if an acquaintance blows me off or ignores me.

I do know there are people out there that are like that but I find it exhausting to worry so much about other people. Even more so when you are at church... People shouldnt go to church to enteract with other people but to get a deeper knowledge and relationship of God.

For me... I do not care enough to get upset over things like this.