What Is He Trying To Say!?

I'm sorry I've made a couple of threads kind of related to the same person, but I truly cannot figure this man out. Any and all commentary (well, helpful commentary ) on this would be very appreciated...

So anyway, I met this guy at the beginning of the summer through my church's young adult group who I really like. We started hanging out in a group of friends about twice a week and continued to get along great. On one evening in particular, I thought we really hit it off. So I took a leap of faith and started to flirt with him more blatantly which he responded to! I was feeling really good about it and thought that maybe we'd end up dating before the summer was over.

I found out a few days later that he was going to be leaving in a few weeks, and I didn't know if he'd be back before I left for school. (I later found out he would but this isn't relevant haha.) So I decided to gather up my courage and ask him to dinner because I wanted to get to know him better one on one and show him that I'm at least interested in his life. He agrees, comes to pick me up the next day, and we go to dinner.

So we're enjoying dinner. Everything's going great. (Note: I did not intend this to be a date.) We're having fun, talking, laughing, telling stories, joking with each other, etc. All of the sudden, toward the end of our meal, he goes, "So uhh I'm sorry to make this conversation awkward, but I need to tell you something. I find that my friendships with girls go better when I say this. I don't know what your intentions were in asking me to dinner, but I thought I should let you know mine. And that is that I just want to get to know you as a friend. So I'm sorry I made this way awkward, but like I said, my friendships with girls go way better when I say this right away." So of course, I turn bright red and awkwardly go, "Oh! No! You're fine! Yeah for sure! Totally!" and we change the subject as fast as possible.

So before I go into other details, I'm going to stop here. I get the whole "I don't want to date you" thing. That's totally fine. I mean, maybe I misread him, even though I literally never think guys are flirting with me. ...but he says this to every girl he becomes close friends with? I mean, if this were our third time out to dinner in a month, just us, I'd understand bringing this up. But it was our first time hanging out just us period.

Does anyone have any theories as to what this means? Besides the obvious "Hey. We're not gonna date"?

(I really hope he never stumbles upon these forums. That would make things way awkward for my life hahaha.)

little_tigress said:

I think he was just trying to be honest with you. He probably didn't want to start off the friendship on the wrong foot by leading you on.

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I totally get that. That's fine. No problem. But that's not what he said. He didn't say, "Hey! So I noticed you like me. I don't feel that way about you. Kay bye!" He said, "Hey! I tell all my girl friends this. We're not gonna date. Not that I had concrete reason to think this was a date or anything, but I just wanted to say this. The end!"

I mean, I thought that maybe he made that up to make me feel better, but he's honestly not the type of person to lie. So I don't know.

little_tigress said:

nah, but unless he wanted to cut you out of his life totally, why would he put it so rudely? Since it wasn't clarified ahead of time about whether or not it was to be a date, its not totally out of line for him to be honest about his intentions in a potentially confusing situation.

Guys are usually pretty good about saying whats on their minds, so try not to read too much into it. He wanted to make sure that being alone with you wasn't about dating. It was about friendship.

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Good point on the last paragraph. That's true. But the thing is that I really don't think the way we set this up sounded anything remotely like a date. It was like:

*via text*
Me: Hey! I feel like going out to eat. Want to come with?
Him: No, sorry, I already ate. Thanks though!
Me: No problem! We should hang soon, though.
Him: Well I'm free for lunch or dinner tomorrow...

That's sounds very un-date to me. I go out to dinner with guy friends pretty often who are just my friends. Not to be stubborn! But I think these are some vital facts hahaha

little_tigress said:

I think you're over-analysing this TBH. Like I said, a guy and girl going out to dinner alone can be potentially very confusing, no matter how the idea came up or how the conversation went. There's always potential to misconstrue the situation. I think he was wise to clarify.

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I guess I'm just thrown off because in all my years of going out to dinner and movies and wherever else with my guy friends, I've never had anyone think it was a date. And I've especially never had a guy friend lay the smack down on our first time hanging out with just each other and tell me we're just friends. And you're probably right. I over analyze like it's my job.