Shyness

I was the same way when I was a child and still am to a certain point. I absolutely did not want any attention on my whatsoever. I never wanted to get up in front of a class to speak, so much so that I would take a bad grade over having to do so. I am not as bad now but I still do not want to be the center of attention and am very shy around people I don't know..Just try and talk to her but don't push her, if she is like I was, she will be humiliated easliy. If she still doesn't want to go even after you offer to speak to the teacher. Don't force her because that humiliation can affect her. Use encouragement without force.

That may be better but just make sure you don't force her, and don't worry too much about it. Some people are just alot more quiet than others. I am thankful that my parents didn't force me into any public situations because I honestly think it would have done more harm than good. Like I said just encourage her and maybe try and have some friends her age come over to your house where she is comfortable and that may help her come out of her shell a little and maybe want to do more. But if she still doesn't want to participate in anything, don't worry about it. Just do things with her she is comfortable with.

It is possible that she has social anxiety disorder. I am not sure how or if they treat children with it, but it might be worth looking into.

I feel for the dance teacher too. She was trying to build her up, compliment her and give her admiration from her peers, and it backfired. I hope you don't blame her and see it for what it was.

Anyway, does your daughter have close friends that she plays with outside of day care? Maybe she just doesn't feel "safe" at dance class and having a friend there would help.

I have social anxiety disorder, and had it as a child. I do know that doing things that scared me lots of times made it not so scary amd I would eventually be able to relax. My suggestion is to make a deal with her. She will attend dance class in exchange for a treat like ice cream after, a movie night, her choice for dinner, or whatever makes her happy. That way it is her choice to go, she gets something out of it, and she learns to fight her fears.

I have a very shy daughter too. She gets more outspoken each year, but she will probably always be a quiet one. We sometimes do some roll-playing if we know there is something coming up where she will have to speak for herself or be in an anxious situation. If we are going to a big party, for example, we will practice in the car saying hello and answering questions.


We also talk about fears. We talk about the reality of the worst that could happen. So, if she has to read her book report in class or something we talk about the things that scare her. For instance, fear that she might mumble. So then we talk about how to help that fear go away. We practice reading the report with a clear slow voice.

In the case of the dance class, if you want to talk to the teacher and ask her not to point out your dd I think that is fine to some degree. My dd's teachers are respectful in that way, especially at the beginning of each school year, and they don't call on her. We appreciate this. But while the teachers are gracious in giving her some time to warm up it is also important that we help her work on her fears. We make sure that the teacher is not made out to be a bad guy for calling on her - it's something teachers do, and it's reasonable.

Might it be a good idea to wait until she's a little older to get her involved in any other extra-curricular type stuff? The reason I ask is because my daughter, at 4, was very much like your daughter. We live on a single income and just can't afford to pay for lessons or instruction that may not be completed.

When she turned 7, she asked to take ballet. I explained our situation as far as paying for it went and let her know that she would complete the classes I'd paid for no matter what. Just as I figured, about halfway through the semester, she didn't like it so much anymore but since we'd already had our talk, she sucked it up and finished them. I think she's all the better for it.

Now, even though she's definitely not the bell of the ball, she's come a long way in coming out of her shell.