Question for the guys, regarding chubby chicks

Obzocky · Jun 24, 2010

Oh dear.

Anyway.

The keywords (for me) were that they are BOTH happy, confident and healthy. Relatively or not that indicates to me that whilst they may be comfortable with natural weight fluctuations they're not going to quadruple their size. That in itself takes a lifestyle change and if someone is moderately active they can usually maintain a certain level of "fluff" without their physical condition changing too much. In this hypothetical situation they would be both of equal interest just because they're both happy and healthy. I know plenty of fluffy fellwalkers whose doctors have said are perfectly healthy, just over the "normal" weight range. Perhaps my interpretation of fluffy is different to everyone else though ... I imagine someone with a bit of squidge and normal eating patterns, they just don't see the point in trying to bring their weight down (which seems to be the predominant thing) when they're perfectly healthy beyond being overweight.

By the way. Fat is not a bad word. It's a perfectly good word. People should embrace it.

Inkachu · Jun 24, 2010

Well, part of growing is being honest with yourself. I've always been somewhere between chubby and just plain fat. And while I've tried various methods to lose weight and get in better shape, it was never as comprehensive as it needed to be. I would change my eating a little, or exercise a little; I never took a hard, honest look at how I was living and was never willing to go through the long-term, hard work of changing, so I never lost much weight, and I'd give up. And it IS hard. Very hard. If you've never been a fat girl, you can't relate; even fat guys can't relate, sorry. A man's body and metabolism and hormones and muscle/fat ratio is completely different than a woman's. Anyway...I guess I finally reached my breaking point, because I was suddenly willing to take that honest, painful look at how I was living, and I couldn't deny what I saw. It's sad that it took this many years to do it, but I'm glad I didn't wait until my health started to suffer or anything like that. Making changes now will mean that I have a whole new life ahead of me! Not just adding years to my lifespan, but being able to do things I haven't been able to do for a long time, like fit comfortably on roller coasters again

And spend all day hiking without getting tired or having sore feet/ankles/knees. And be able to buy clothes without going into a major depression each time, lol. I am not going to act like everything's fine when it's not anymore. I am not going to act like I'm content being fat anymore. I am not going to act like men should be attracted to me as a fat chick anymore. I am not going to act like I should be able to eat like I used to, and think it's normal anymore. For the past 2 1/2 weeks I've kept a magnifying glass on my eating/exercise habits, and it's showed me so much, and it's been HARD. Really, really hard. I've drooled over tasty foods that I refused to touch, I've fought a million cravings, I've been as cranky as a smoker giving up cigarettes. But I'm NOT going to stop because I've seen that, if I take this seriously - REALLY seriously - I get results! I've waited years for results. And now I'm seeing them. It's so worth it.

KarrieTex · Jun 24, 2010

I have to say something here. I just changed pics for my profile and as I am looking at it, I just felt I needed to say something.

There is a point where you need to be comfortable in your own skin. I have a medical condition that doesn't allow me to lose the weight like I would like to. I know I am never gonna be a skinny minnie and I have no problem with that. I still look good. But until my body can allow the weight to come off then I need to be secure enough in who I am and what my body is so that I can have a healthy life.

Yes, I am over weight and no I will never embrace the word fat. BUT I AM ALSO HEALTHIER THEN MOST PEOPLE..EVEN SOME OF THOSE ON HERE. I have no high blood pressure, no bad cholestrol and so forth. What I do have is a disease I inhierted that won't allow my body to outwardly show what inwardly my body is doing. I work out every other day and maintain a very active lifestyle.

Basically, whatever reason it is that you are overweight, you still need to be comfortable in your skin. Life doesn't stop to wait for you to be comfortable enough to live again.

For the record, I am not one who has a problem getting a date with good looking men.

Tallerthanatree · Jun 24, 2010

Hmmm, I'm down from 220 to 215. The novice progression chub is coming off slowly but surely.

deliciousBass · Jun 24, 2010

I wouldn't even look at the "content" one. IMO she's just lying to herself.

Just as women like men with ambition, I can appreciate a woman who strives to improve her appearance and health, if they need improving.

KarrieTex · Jun 24, 2010

HMM, so because I am content with myself right now, I'm lying to myself? Sorry, that's not the fact.

I know it's gonna be harder than anything to drop any weight and so I am content in how I look. It has taken me 2 years to drop a good amount of weight when it should only take a year.

Obzocky · Jun 24, 2010

Stepping into the realm of assuming the genuine feelings of hypothetical people happens to be tricky ground as there's always a small horde of individuals who will read a comment and then get all "but ... I am happy with where I am." Even if it's an opinion the opinion is dealing not just with how someone looks, but with how you're assuming their mind is working.

Am I content being fat? No. Was I content being thin? No. Was I content with the strict diet and exercise regime? No. Someone who is confident and content with themselves naturally generally (generally, not always) are confident and content regardless of their weight. They may feel their fitness needs to improve but it's rarely because they are not content, they just want to improve an aspect of themselves for whatever reason. Someone whose confidence is tied into how fit they are is slightly different to someone who is naturally confident in themselves. If someone naturally always doubts and lacks confidence in their appearance/themselves then it's very hard to overcome this regardless of whether they're striving to improve/have improved . It can help, but other changes need to happen as well. For some it's less the weight loss/fitness increase and more the positive reactions of people around them.

I need to come back to this, my brain is frazzled from heat/pollen attacks and the above makes no sense.

Mobiosity · Jun 24, 2010

deliciousBass said:
Just as women like men with ambition.

Do we?

Keri · Jun 24, 2010

Mobiosity said:
Do we?

I do.

Keri · Jun 24, 2010

.Vicky. said:
Well, part of growing is being honest with yourself. I've always been somewhere between chubby and just plain fat. And while I've tried various methods to lose weight and get in better shape, it was never as comprehensive as it needed to be. I would change my eating a little, or exercise a little; I never took a hard, honest look at how I was living and was never willing to go through the long-term, hard work of changing, so I never lost much weight, and I'd give up. And it IS hard. Very hard. If you've never been a fat girl, you can't relate; even fat guys can't relate, sorry. A man's body and metabolism and hormones and muscle/fat ratio is completely different than a woman's. Anyway...I guess I finally reached my breaking point, because I was suddenly willing to take that honest, painful look at how I was living, and I couldn't deny what I saw. It's sad that it took this many years to do it, but I'm glad I didn't wait until my health started to suffer or anything like that. Making changes now will mean that I have a whole new life ahead of me! Not just adding years to my lifespan, but being able to do things I haven't been able to do for a long time, like fit comfortably on roller coasters again And spend all day hiking without getting tired or having sore feet/ankles/knees. And be able to buy clothes without going into a major depression each time, lol. I am not going to act like everything's fine when it's not anymore. I am not going to act like I'm content being fat anymore. I am not going to act like men should be attracted to me as a fat chick anymore. I am not going to act like I should be able to eat like I used to, and think it's normal anymore. For the past 2 1/2 weeks I've kept a magnifying glass on my eating/exercise habits, and it's showed me so much, and it's been HARD. Really, really hard. I've drooled over tasty foods that I refused to touch, I've fought a million cravings, I've been as cranky as a smoker giving up cigarettes. But I'm NOT going to stop because I've seen that, if I take this seriously - REALLY seriously - I get results! I've waited years for results. And now I'm seeing them. It's so worth it.

Amazing post Vicky. Very inspiring! :hug:

penNpaper · Jun 24, 2010

Accept peeps has they are...sure we all need to be more healthy if we are a little fluffy but accept who you are in Christ

your future lover will dig on you no matter what size you really are...

That being said...don't rush to the nearest McDonalds and dine out with 12 Big Macs, 4 large fries, and 2 diet sodas k lol

It is good to eat healthy foods and on occasion treat yourself an ice cream from Dairy Queen or maybe a fast food night or something. But to remember that God loves you, He knows your heart and spirit, and we all should be healthy not only for ourselves, but for our Lord as well

And to encourage peeps to be healthy for your SO

I'm taking slow steps yes but I accept who I am

ladies I don't care if your 72 pounds or 720 pounds...LOVE who you are...ACCEPT who you are...you can do something to lose weight and this is for the MEN too...you have control and by baby steps you can reach your "waist" goal limit

Don't starve yourselves either...to be that super model...and if you are that super model waist size...please EAT something...don't force starve yourself...

God loves you the way that you are...your future SO will dig on you doesn't matter what size you are...He will think your beautiful and sexy...accept who you are and love who you are...you can lose the extra pounds...and it takes baby steps to make a difference ladies and gentlemen

God Bless,
Drew

Inkachu · Jun 24, 2010

KarrieTex said:
I have to say something here. I just changed pics for my profile and as I am looking at it, I just felt I needed to say something.

There is a point where you need to be comfortable in your own skin. I have a medical condition that doesn't allow me to lose the weight like I would like to. I know I am never gonna be a skinny minnie and I have no problem with that. I still look good. But until my body can allow the weight to come off then I need to be secure enough in who I am and what my body is so that I can have a healthy life.

Yes, I am over weight and no I will never embrace the word fat. BUT I AM ALSO HEALTHIER THEN MOST PEOPLE..EVEN SOME OF THOSE ON HERE. I have no high blood pressure, no bad cholestrol and so forth. What I do have is a disease I inhierted that won't allow my body to outwardly show what inwardly my body is doing. I work out every other day and maintain a very active lifestyle.

Basically, whatever reason it is that you are overweight, you still need to be comfortable in your skin. Life doesn't stop to wait for you to be comfortable enough to live again.

For the record, I am not one who has a problem getting a date with good looking men.

Well said. You ARE a beautiful woman, inside and out! I have a HORRIBLY slow metabolism, I can eat the same amount of food as someone half my size, and not lose weight. I had to cut my calories almost in half, and while it feels agonizing at times, it's WORKING, so I can't argue with its effectiveness. It sucks, yeah, that I don't have one of these turbo-charged metabolisms like some skinny minnies...but that's life, and I need to work with what I've got. I will never be a bikini model either - I'm very muscular and "sturdy", and after having a baby and being overweight for so much of my life, I'll have stretch marks forever. That's okay! What matters to me is 1) being healthy, not just today, but looking ahead to when I'm 60 and 70, being my old weight would be an early death sentence, and 2) being able to do what I want to do, things like fitting on amusement rides and being able to keep up with my son without being out of breath or having sore knees. Appearance and "hot factor" are wayyyy at the bottom of the list.

Keri said:
Amazing post Vicky. Very inspiring!

Awww thanks

I know you're on the same journey, and I appreciate all your encouragement!

penNpaper said:
Accept peeps has they are...sure we all need to be more healthy if we are a little fluffy but accept who you are in Christ your future lover will dig on you no matter what size you really are...

That being said...don't rush to the nearest McDonalds and dine out with 12 Big Macs, 4 large fries, and 2 diet sodas k lol

It is good to eat healthy foods and on occasion treat yourself an ice cream from Dairy Queen or maybe a fast food night or something. But to remember that God loves you, He knows your heart and spirit, and we all should be healthy not only for ourselves, but for our Lord as well And to encourage peeps to be healthy for your SO

I'm taking slow steps yes but I accept who I am ladies I don't care if your 72 pounds or 720 pounds...LOVE who you are...ACCEPT who you are...you can do something to lose weight and this is for the MEN too...you have control and by baby steps you can reach your "waist" goal limit

Don't starve yourselves either...to be that super model...and if you are that super model waist size...please EAT something...don't force starve yourself...

God loves you the way that you are...your future SO will dig on you doesn't matter what size you are...He will think your beautiful and sexy...accept who you are and love who you are...you can lose the extra pounds...and it takes baby steps to make a difference ladies and gentlemen

God Bless,
Drew

Well said, Drewski

Sometimes, we're so much harder on ourselves and more critical of ourselves than God will ever be. But at the other end of the spectrum, I see a LOT of people who mask vanity with "Well, God wants me to be as healthy as I can be". Does God really care how big your biceps are, or how tiny your waist is? Umm, no. There's a fine line between wanting to be healthy and active and "useful for God" and being vain and shallow about your physical appearance. I'm still not sure where that line is.

penNpaper · Jun 24, 2010

.Vicky. said:
Well said, Drewski Sometimes, we're so much harder on ourselves and more critical of ourselves than God will ever be. But at the other end of the spectrum, I see a LOT of people who mask vanity with "Well, God wants me to be as healthy as I can be". Does God really care how big your biceps are, or how tiny your waist is? Umm, no. There's a fine line between wanting to be healthy and active and "useful for God" and being vain and shallow about your physical appearance. I'm still not sure where that line is.

This is why I focus on the personality of a person than what they look like. Because it is what is inside the heart, spirit, mind, and soul (that matters most) instead if a person is a fluffy person or the super model chick that all the guys drool over...

Your right Vicky...I don't think He is up there in Heaven...boy this guy has some biceps...boy that lady is very fit...wow that guy ate 7 big macs...that lady ordered 11 fries and a diet soda...

HE IS OUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND HE LOVES US NO MATTER WHAT.

Sure we need to make our bodies for the Lord and for us to live healthy but being so thin you can see your bones...hello that isn't healthy that is un-healthy living...just because you look like a Super Model...doesn't mean you should starve your body....and being 1,000+ over weight come on...stop going to McDonalds to eat Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and Dessert and have 4 Big Macs, 2 Fries, and 1 soda...

Being in the middle...a healthy size is right...and treat yourself out once in awhile is always good and fellowship with friends too...it is always best to dine with your buddies and enjoy the night out

God Bless,
Drew

Rory · Jun 24, 2010

.Vicky. said:
Let's say there are two 'fluffy' ladies that you know.

One of them is content in her fluffiness, she's happy and confident and relatively healthy, but she's not interested in losing weight.

The other is the same size, but she's actively working on losing weight and getting healthy. She'll never be a modelesque gym rat, but she wants to look and feel healthier, and she's on her way. She's also a happy, confident person, but she's very much wanting to lose the weight that girl #1 doesn't mind having.

Do you view them differently? Are they both equally unattractive or undateable because of their weight? Do their motivations and attitudes affect how you'd feel about them?

For me weight isn't a huge issue, I've liked skinny, average, chubby, and fat women before. I've only dated the first two but honestly thats not on purpose, I tend to stumble into relationships instead of actively pursuing someone till one happens.

I'd have to agree with the others that if it made any difference I'd probably be more into the second one just because of their attitude about it. I myself am trying to work on getting to a healthier weight so that would be a major bonus to have someone else that shares that perspective. I wouldn't write off the first one though until I got to know her better as a person, cause as some have said it could be a medical reason they will stay how they are, and who knows maybe they rock in the personality department.

Really though for me appearance is not a huge deal, it's who the person is not what they look like. I know from experience that beautiful and in shape women can be some of the ugliest people on the inside. Of course there is the matter of attraction but at least in my experience I've known many chubby girls I was attracted to just on looks and many others I haven't been based on looks. Not sure how that works out really, but I think ultimately motivations and attitudes could have a some potential deciding factor on that front.

deliciousBass · Jun 24, 2010

.Vicky. said:
Well, part of growing is being honest with yourself. I've always been somewhere between chubby and just plain fat. And while I've tried various methods to lose weight and get in better shape, it was never as comprehensive as it needed to be. I would change my eating a little, or exercise a little; I never took a hard, honest look at how I was living and was never willing to go through the long-term, hard work of changing, so I never lost much weight, and I'd give up. And it IS hard. Very hard. If you've never been a fat girl, you can't relate; even fat guys can't relate, sorry. A man's body and metabolism and hormones and muscle/fat ratio is completely different than a woman's. Anyway...I guess I finally reached my breaking point, because I was suddenly willing to take that honest, painful look at how I was living, and I couldn't deny what I saw. It's sad that it took this many years to do it, but I'm glad I didn't wait until my health started to suffer or anything like that. Making changes now will mean that I have a whole new life ahead of me! Not just adding years to my lifespan, but being able to do things I haven't been able to do for a long time, like fit comfortably on roller coasters again And spend all day hiking without getting tired or having sore feet/ankles/knees. And be able to buy clothes without going into a major depression each time, lol. I am not going to act like everything's fine when it's not anymore. I am not going to act like I'm content being fat anymore. I am not going to act like men should be attracted to me as a fat chick anymore. I am not going to act like I should be able to eat like I used to, and think it's normal anymore. For the past 2 1/2 weeks I've kept a magnifying glass on my eating/exercise habits, and it's showed me so much, and it's been HARD. Really, really hard. I've drooled over tasty foods that I refused to touch, I've fought a million cravings, I've been as cranky as a smoker giving up cigarettes. But I'm NOT going to stop because I've seen that, if I take this seriously - REALLY seriously - I get results! I've waited years for results. And now I'm seeing them. It's so worth it.

I give the above post an A+.

Quoth · Jun 24, 2010

.Vicky. said:
Let's say there are two 'fluffy' ladies that you know.

One of them is content in her fluffiness, she's happy and confident and relatively healthy, but she's not interested in losing weight.

The other is the same size, but she's actively working on losing weight and getting healthy. She'll never be a modelesque gym rat, but she wants to look and feel healthier, and she's on her way. She's also a happy, confident person, but she's very much wanting to lose the weight that girl #1 doesn't mind having.

Do you view them differently? Are they both equally unattractive or undateable because of their weight? Do their motivations and attitudes affect how you'd feel about them?

Blind post.

To some guys, certain women are simply unattractive. It may be their weight, their shape, their height, or whatever. Some women, in my eyes, will never be physically attractive to me. However, I would be more likely to be friends with the second woman than with the first, not because of the weight/shape/size issue, but because the second seems to actually care about herself.

Some of the women I've dated in the past have been thicker girls. They were beautiful to me, because of the person they were. Granted, they weren't the kind of women who flaunt their size and take pride in it, but they realized that they weren't going to ever be "thin", and so they worked at being healthy for their size. That's what I appreciate about certain women: they take care of themselves.

If a woman (or man) is large and okay with that, I find that unappealing in any sort of relationship (friendship, romantic, whatever). That doesn't make them a horrible person and they still deserve the respect every human being should receive, and yes, I have some close friends who are "big boys" and "big girls", and they're okay with it. That doesn't mean I treat them like dirt, but it also means that when they bring up the issue of their weight, I'm honest with them if they ask my opinion.

So the short answer to your question, Vicky, is that I would find the second woman more appealing, but that doesn't necessarily mean I would find her physically attractive. For me, physical attraction to someone I would consider entering into a romantic relationship with is a requirement. It's not at the top of the list, and my definition of "physically attractive" is pretty broad, but it is still a requirement.

Inkachu · Jun 24, 2010

Thanks so much to everyone who's responded. It's true, I used to be more the first type, and now I'm becoming more the second type. I'm still trying to figure out what I think and how I feel about the whole situation, and I love getting feedback from people during times like this. So thanks

SearcherKris · Jun 24, 2010

Mobiosity said:
Understand that dieting can make you fat. If you don't do it right, if you cut the calories too far, your body will switch to starvation mode and you'll put on weight eating 1000 calories. My mom and my SIL both dieted themselves into morbid obesity. When I stopped dieting about 10 years ago, I stopped putting on weight.

I lost 30 pounds in the last year by not dieting. I just started living differently, and the differences came on slowly. I eat more sensibly, and I work and play more. I have a gym membership, which I love, but I'm not killing myself with the exercise. I do it cos it is fun and stress relieving, and it gets me out of the house.

It is fun to live. It is fun to realize fulfillment doesn't come from excess junk food. It is fun to enjoy "real" food, alot.

I'm not on a diet, but I'm healthier than I have been in...I don't know how long!

Inkachu · Jun 24, 2010

SearcherKris said:
I lost 30 pounds in the last year by not dieting. I just started living differently, and the differences came on slowly. I eat more sensibly, and I work and play more. I have a gym membership, which I love, but I'm not killing myself with the exercise. I do it cos it is fun and stress relieving, and it gets me out of the house.

It is fun to live. It is fun to realize fulfillment doesn't come from excess junk food. It is fun to enjoy "real" food, alot.

I'm not on a diet, but I'm healthier than I have been in...I don't know how long!

Great attitude! We should never forget to LIVE while we're all busy with "self improvement" projects. And even though I've cut my calories, I haven't cut out any foods. I can still enjoy some french fries or ice cream, I just make sure I keep my meals small and light for the rest of the day. This way, I can keep doing what I'm doing for the rest of my life, no matter where I go or what I'm doing. And that's what will help me succeed, instead of doing some specific "plan" for a time and then stopping.

MacFall · Jun 24, 2010

Also, it's healthy to recognize that exercise doesn't have to mean lifting weights and doing routines in front of the television set. It just means moving more. Walk when driving isn't necessary, stairs instead of elevators, saying "yes" to an invitation to play frisbee, anything like that. It's easier to burn calories than most people realize; it just takes a little mental effort to be conscious of it.

Question for the guys, regarding chubby chicks

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