I am typing under this new anonymous username because what I did was unforgivable...it is a very long story. A year ago I was with this wonderful Catholic boy...everything was perfect except the fact my parents detested our relationship...I would lie to sneak out to see him...feeling guilty about lying I would see him less and less often...to the point where he thought I did not love him anymore...I love him deeply...and still do. I would fight terribly with my parents over it and i lied that I broke up with him just to make them happy and to stop the noise...but i was still seeing him...but at the same time...i found another man and introduced my parents to him. They loved him..one day the Catholic boy told me he was going overseas...that would relieve me from lying for a while. I had lent him a large amount of money...he said he would return it...but never did return all of it. At the same time my father died from a stroke...my family was in turmoil...but that was okay since the new man helped us through so much of it. Mum was elated. I was angry at my ex for running off with my money...anger turned to hate...and yet I still felt love for him.
I realised that I never liked that new man...I was only with him to take my mind off my problems...it was a mistake...I was still in love with the Catholic boy...the Catholic boy told me he found someone else and was in love with her. My whole world flipped upside down. I did everything to try to get him back...I did things...a Christian shouldn't do. I did everything that the world had told me would please a man...behind my partner's back...and I thought I was winning as he was with me... and his girl who he loved so much was 10000 miles away.
After all that...the Catholic boy told me...that he can't live a lie anymore and that beauty, money and everything that I did for him means nothing as he was in love with someone else and he cannot lie to me anymore or live a lie...I was so deeply in love with him I ignored everything God has told me. I turned my back on God, my family and my friends....I am really hurting..hating myself...how could I let myself go...I have turned into a different person and I am not the sweet Christian girl I used to be. I have become a monster. I want to change and I want to confess but this is too terrible and I doubt I can ever be forgiven or delivered....I need prayer and I just need to get back to God...please help me...I am crying out to you Lord....
I confessed to one of my closest friends (but who is not a Christian) and he hated me for this...I need help...so helpless...I can't go on...
I realised that I never liked that new man...I was only with him to take my mind off my problems...it was a mistake...I was still in love with the Catholic boy...the Catholic boy told me he found someone else and was in love with her. My whole world flipped upside down. I did everything to try to get him back...I did things...a Christian shouldn't do. I did everything that the world had told me would please a man...behind my partner's back...and I thought I was winning as he was with me... and his girl who he loved so much was 10000 miles away.
After all that...the Catholic boy told me...that he can't live a lie anymore and that beauty, money and everything that I did for him means nothing as he was in love with someone else and he cannot lie to me anymore or live a lie...I was so deeply in love with him I ignored everything God has told me. I turned my back on God, my family and my friends....I am really hurting..hating myself...how could I let myself go...I have turned into a different person and I am not the sweet Christian girl I used to be. I have become a monster. I want to change and I want to confess but this is too terrible and I doubt I can ever be forgiven or delivered....I need prayer and I just need to get back to God...please help me...I am crying out to you Lord....
I confessed to one of my closest friends (but who is not a Christian) and he hated me for this...I need help...so helpless...I can't go on...