Just something I had on my mind

leothelioness · Jun 8, 2010

Sometimes I just get this overwhelming urge to share things that I have been struggling with or thinking about, so sorry if this seems a bit rantish. This is particularly for the ladies who have experienced insecurity in a relationship, but it can apply to anyone.

It seems like I see/read/hear about someone who is insecure about their boyfriend/fiancee finding other women attractive. As women, we are naturally protective and want our men to have eyes only for us, and when we are confronted with the cruel reality that men still find other women attractive we become jealous or insecure about ourselves. But what I really want to say to these people is, "He's with YOU, not them." There is NOTHING to feel insecure about. When he doesn't want to be with you is when you should start feeling insecure.

Believe me. I've been that girl that he would like to "be with", but not necessarily commit to and it's not fun. It only makes you feel even worse about yourself. So, there's no reason to feel jealous about those girls your guy may ogle at because ultimately they are just an object to him. Nothing more. He doesn't see them as whole people like he does when he looks at you. He doesn't respect them like he does you. So, stop feeling insecure about yourself and start feeling empowered by the fact that YOU are the woman he has chosen to be with, to devote his life to. You are the one to envy in this situation.

LoneSheep · Jun 8, 2010

True, if the man is in a relationship and he is still looking around, he is a dirtbag. (same with women looking around)

Be careful if someone approaches you and they are in a relationship, but then complain about how bad it is. They are just trying to be with you while still being with their significant other. That's usually a huge drama item.

broken_one · Jun 8, 2010

LoneSheep said:
True, if the man is in a relationship and he is still looking around, he is a dirtbag. (same with women looking around)

Be careful if someone approaches you and they are in a relationship, but then complain about how bad it is. They are just trying to be with you while still being with their significant other. That's usually a huge drama item.

Yeah, this is a huge red flag. Huge.

Btw I'm not allowing you to be insecure, because I'm already insecure. One is enough.

I've personally had a particularly rough and rocky relationship with the fairer sex, which definitely includes feelings of unworthiness and insecurity. But men cannot live without women, so we continue to throw ourselves against the wall until something sticks. It's not great when you add all the other stuff in my life on top of that. And see now I made it about me, and not about you. Je suis désolée, je ne le pensais pas. :sorry:

leothelioness · Jun 8, 2010

The funny thing is that this thread was particularly for the ladies, and the only replies were from guys.

broken_one · Jun 8, 2010

leothelioness said:
The funny thing is that this thread was particularly for the ladies, and the only replies were guys.

Minus the gender, it felt like you were speaking to me....we menfolk are insecure too.

Thunder Peel · Jun 8, 2010

I think you can be in a relationship and find other people attractive. However, there's a big difference between thinking another person is handsome/pretty and wanting to be with them. If I'm dating a girl then she's my main focus; that doesn't mean I can't say that another woman is pretty but when it becomes more than just an observation I think there's a problem.

I'm always bothered when I hear married guys talking about celebrities or other women that they find sexy or hot and how they would like to date them. I'm always thinking, "What about your wife?"

Riot Riot Riot · Jun 8, 2010

I experienced something similiar to this just this past weekend.

A couple I know were talking about the whole Hayley Williams dealio, and apparently the girlfriend had no idea the guy had seen the picture. She immediately got angry and proceeded to yell at him for a good hour or two about it. I felt terrible for him because he didn't look at it on purpose; someone sent it to his phone in a text message. He never admitted to seeing the picture because he KNEW how she would react.
So either way he would have gotten yelled at.

I honestly never understood why girls get so angry. OBVIOUSLY when you start dating someone it doesn't make everyone ugly. Yeah, you shouldn't be lusting after them, but people are going to look. I've dated guys in the past and found them very attractive, but it didn't mean that I also didn't find other guys attractive. You're going to look at other people; it's a fact of life.

Guys and girls BOTH do this, not just guys.

Amber.ly · Jun 8, 2010

It seems like I see/read/hear about someone who is insecure about their boyfriend/fiancee finding other women attractive. As women, we are naturally protective and want our men to have eyes only for us, and when we are confronted with the cruel reality that men still find other women attractive we become jealous or insecure about ourselves.

Both my sister and my sister-in-law are this way. It drives me crazy.

Who really cares if that other girl has a better _____ and a cuter ________ and a way bigger ______

I mean, I can honestly say that both of them are better looking than me and I have no problem going out places with them. But both of them have issues with seeing a "prettier" woman and then comparing themselves till they get all morose about what they look like.

And if their guys are around- look out, cause they are protective LOL

I love them but this kind of attitude is just crazy.

leothelioness · Jun 8, 2010

lilacs87 said:
I experienced something similiar to this just this past weekend.

A couple I know were talking about the whole Hayley Williams dealio, and apparently the girlfriend had no idea the guy had seen the picture. She immediately got angry and proceeded to yell at him for a good hour or two about it. I felt terrible for him because he didn't look at it on purpose; someone sent it to his phone in a text message. He never admitted to seeing the picture because he KNEW how she would react.
So either way he would have gotten yelled at.

Wow, that was harsh. I feel bad for him, too.

I honestly never understood why girls get so angry. OBVIOUSLY when you start dating someone it doesn't make everyone ugly. Yeah, you shouldn't be lusting after them, but people are going to look. I've dated guys in the past and found them very attractive, but it didn't mean that I also didn't find other guys attractive. You're going to look at other people; it's a fact of life.

Guys and girls BOTH do this, not just guys.

I don't understand it, either. We should just be happy that we have a person in our life and not worry so much about every pretty girl that walks by.

Thunder Peel · Jun 8, 2010

leothelioness said:
I don't understand it, either. We should just be happy that we have a person in our life and not worry so much about every pretty girl that walks by.

However, I will say this: guys (or girls) who continually stare at the opposite sex, especially when they're out with their significant other, is pretty distasteful in my opinion. I know we're all human and it happens but when I see someone doing it all the time I feel bad for the person they're with.

leothelioness · Jun 8, 2010

Thunder Peel said:
However, I will say this: guys (or girls) who continually stare at the opposite sex, especially when they're out with their significant other, is pretty distasteful in my opinion. I know we're all human and it happens but when I see someone doing it all the time I feel bad for the person they're with.

Yeah, that's just pretty douchebag-y, but noticing or complimenting someone every once in awhile is nothing to get flustered over. lol

deliciousBass · Jun 8, 2010

I think it's naive and immature to think that your significant other won't ever find somebody else attractive.

That's what the museum policy "look, but don't touch" is for. I try not to make it too obvious though out of respect.

I mean, you don't want to be in mid sentence and then stutter, tell your gf to wait a second, and then continue the discussion after the hottie finished walking by ^_^

I also think that on these forums people have very cookie cutter approaches to dating. In a perfect and ideal world, your partner would only be into you and never look at anybody else. The real world is messy and you could realistically end up marrying someone that you were checking out while dating another person.

Oh well, it's life.

LoveJC9 · Jun 9, 2010

leothelioness said:
Believe me. I've been that girl that he would like to "be with", but not necessarily commit to and it's not fun. It only makes you feel even worse about yourself. So, there's no reason to feel jealous about those girls your guy may ogle at because ultimately they are just an object to him. Nothing more. He doesn't see them as whole people like he does when he looks at you. He doesn't respect them like he does you. So, stop feeling insecure about yourself and start feeling empowered by the fact that YOU are the woman he has chosen to be with, to devote his life to. You are the one to envy in this situation.

This is so very true....

Just something I had on my mind

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