How to live among people?

dood123 · May 23, 2010

Hi all,

I have a conflict that is frustrating me for quite long. I am a very emotional person. I get attached to people very easily and love them to the extent of worship. I suffered from this problem a lot till very lately that I started to get balanced and feel a little bit independent (emotionally I mean).

Sometimes, whenever I start to get attached a bit to someone (more than the expected level I mean), I find anything random happening that makes me get away from him/her. For example, I find the other person repelling for no reason, or find him very busy in personal issues, anything of that sort. I kept wondering why this is happening to me? Why am I everybody's best friend but nobody's lover? People allow me to get near them to a certain level, then they start withdrawing. I thought it's God's message to me not to be so dependent emotionally on people so He can draw my attention to Him.

Then here comes the question that is frustrating me: how are we supposed to live among people? Shall we love them deeply? But this way I get attached. Shall we love them in a superficial level? Then how come God allows us to get married? Marriage relationships contain so much emotional dependencies between the couple. Am I supposed to love God alone (I mean love with emotions) to stop getting attached to people and annoying them and myself?

Please tell me what u think.
Thanks a lot for ur time.

Life2Christ · May 23, 2010

Dood123:
Your thoughts are very confusing. You say you love people to the point of worship then you find a reason to distance yoursef. Then you say people distance themselves from you. I'm sure other people feel the same way as you. Loving someone to the point of worshiping them is a major red flag. Its idolatry and it says a lot about you. It says your spirit is restless. You don't have peace in your spirit. What you need to realize is that people aren't perfect and neither are you (neither am I). God wants us to do our best to love each other but not where we take our focus off HIM.

It terms of romantic love, if you find yourself unhealthily attaching to someone you feel strongly about, it means you have taken your eyes off God. Pray about it. Ask God how He wants to lead you. Romantic love isn't bad but even in the most healthy of romantic relationships, your #1 priority should be being holy and following God's law. Everything falls into place after that.

Hope that helps. I'm sure someone else will come along and give you some good words. Hugs.

dood123 · May 23, 2010

Thank you Life2Christ for your reply

Your thoughts are very confusing.

Yes indeed I am very confused.

You say you love people to the point of worship then you find a reason to distance yoursef.

Just to clarify what I said earlier, I do not find a reason to distance myself, it's just the circumstances that makes me get away, or the other person tries to avoid me, or anything of that sort. But it's not me getting away intentionally.

It says your spirit is restless. You don't have peace in your spirit

I really do not have peace in my spirit as you said. I'm struggling all the time (in my mind) and I never stop thinking. I am seeking happiness and peace but I cannot find them till now, so I keep struggling deep inside.

God wants us to do our best to love each other but not where we take our focus off HIM.

I just cannot understand how are we supposed to do "our best" to love each other, but still focus on Him? The terms "our best" and "but" appear contradicting to me.

It terms of romantic love, if you find yourself unhealthily attaching to someone you feel strongly about, it means you have taken your eyes off God

Then married couple should not be really attached to each other?

Pray for me, as I am so weak. Thanks a lot for your help and advice.

JDWat09 · May 23, 2010

dood123 said:
Thank you Life2Christ for your reply

Yes indeed I am very confused.

Just to clarify what I said earlier, I do not find a reason to distance myself, it's just the circumstances that makes me get away, or the other person tries to avoid me, or anything of that sort. But it's not me getting away intentionally.

I really do not have peace in my spirit as you said. I'm struggling all the time (in my mind) and I never stop thinking. I am seeking happiness and peace but I cannot find them till now, so I keep struggling deep inside.

I just cannot understand how are we supposed to do "our best" to love each other, but still focus on Him? The terms "our best" and "but" appear contradicting to me.

Then married couple should not be really attached to each other?

Pray for me, as I am so weak. Thanks a lot for your help and advice.

Worshiping men or any created being is wrong. Paul and Silas were horrified when the people of Phillipi thought they were Zeus and Hermes. But Paul and Silas tore their clothes in horror. Paul said they were just like them being men, but they brought the good news but they were imprisoned for their good deeds. Instead of being depressed or upset, they praised God and God freed them with an earthquake!

We should only give praise God through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

If you have no bible: go here: http://www.e-sword.net/

God bless you and Israel, and pray for the Persecuted Christian Church and the Jewish People!

Life2Christ · May 23, 2010

Dood123:
Loving someone doesn't mean giving your whole self over to them. I did that when I was married and I got burned. Because humanity is so impefect, its impossible to get fulfillment from each other. True fulfillment comes from God, that is why God is a jealous God. When we glorify Him, we are cheering for ourselves. We are made in God's image our needs can only be met by Him. So how do we live with each other on this planet? By seeing each other as God's children (no one has a higher standing, we are all equal), by not judging, by seeing other people's imperfections and seeing the same one's in ourselves and by being kind. In terms of romance, see the opposite sex as brothers and sisters in Christ first and foremost. (no matter what religion they are).

Quasicentennial · May 23, 2010

It is unusual that God would release Satan on Earth to play with our hearts and minds, creating confusion between what is good and evil .:*:. We can easily become judgemental towards others and ourselves, and we can easily show extreme dislikeness towards God for allowing Satan to mess with man .:*:. All life in the universe was created by faith and this faith inside everyone must be awaken to fight all kinds of evil that seems to attack us daily .:*:. If the spirit of Jesus is in every Christian then you or myself should not be too concerned because the power of faith can keep us strong when we are apart .:*:. Our eyes hunger for social contact but sometimes that hunger can get out of control such as committing adultery .:*:. Church and Life Groups are just examples that you can spend time to see how others are doing. Work can steal most of our time to know every Christian on Earth .:*:. We have yet to experience the power of new God-like minds in heaven where there is no memory loss and lack of intelligence .:*:.
:liturgy:

ChildOfGod97 · May 23, 2010

It sounds like you are confusing other things with love. Maybe you are "controlling" and not trusting people.

Clearly, we are to love God and people. 'If you can't love people who you can see, you definitely can not love God who you can not see.' (John).

People do their own thing. It sounds like you are also mixing up dating with regular friends. Dating, sometimes people are 'just not into you'.

It is easy to make a rule from a few limited experiences, but if that rule is negative and hurts you... then consider how limited the experiences you have had are and use your imagination to hope for what you have not seen before. Anything is possible if one believes.

Autumnleaf · May 24, 2010

I have trouble being around people in enclosed spaces. Especially if someone passes gas.

Peripatetic · May 24, 2010

dood123 said:
how are we supposed to live among people? Shall we love them deeply? But this way I get attached. Shall we love them in a superficial level? Then how come God allows us to get married? Marriage relationships contain so much emotional dependencies between the couple. Am I supposed to love God alone (I mean love with emotions) to stop getting attached to people and annoying them and myself?

The word love in the Bible actually comes from several different Greek words, each of which has a different definition. Three of them are:

Eros - Romantic love (such as a husband and wife)
Philia - Friendship or "brotherly love" (virtuous and loyal, but without passion)
Agape - Deep, spiritual love (ie. God's love for us or a parent's special love for a child)

We should all have Philia love four our neighbors. It doesn't need to be superficial, but you don't want to be emotionally consumed by these relationships. On the other hand, Agape love between us should be emotional (as you said), and it should be a big priority in our lives. Eros love is not for everyone. The Bible is clear about the goodness of being single. But if/when you do find Eros love, it should not border on worship. Ideally, it starts out as Philia love, and grows into something deeper. Eros love that starts out as lust or obsession is less likely to last. Also, confusing infatuation with Eros love can lead to great disappointment and sadness. When in doubt, always start out with friendship love first.

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How to live among people?

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