My son made my heart break

~Lynz~ · Jul 22, 2009

my son who is 3 said to me the other day "mummy i dont have a daddy"

my sons father and me were never married and we broke up after our son was 3 months old. and he did use to see him but his dad really uite simly hasnt bothered. and then i met a guy who my son called dad we got married and then he got up and left 5 months ago. and my son hasnt askd to go look for him (like he used to ask when he went away for weekends) and when he asked wheres daddy i would simple say hes away i dono where he is. and my son totally accepts this.

but now he comes out with this sentance every now and then and it breaks my heart cause hes techincally got 2 dads and neither are there for him.

my sons dad's mother still sees my son she takes him every week and she has a boyfriend. the last time my son came home from being at there house the nextday he jumps in to my bed as he always does and he says to me "mummy, john (his grans bf) said ive got a daddy and i dont have a daddy" so i said to him "well u do have a daddy but u just dont see him" and he sais "no i dont john says every ones got a daddy but i dont"

i honestly had no idea what to say to him
it relly breaks my hear because his daddy was a great dad but then he cant remember him he can just remember my ex who wasnt a good dad at all.

i asked my son "do u want a daddy?" and he said "no"

if my sson had answered yes to this i was goingto take him to where his dad works and say to him look et the finger ou and be a dad this boy needs you.
which i am still considering doing.

has any one got any advice

FatherHaveMercy · Aug 5, 2009

this is a hard situation. i would try to find his biological father and see if he wants any contact with ur son.

~Lynz~ · Aug 6, 2009

i know exactly where his father is he knows exactly where we are he hasnt bothered.

FatherHaveMercy · Aug 6, 2009

how old is he or was he when u had ur son. maybe being a dad scared him. i mean thats no eacuse but alot of people get scared and run away from things.

BellaRose10 · Feb 11, 2010

I have the same situation with my son's dad, his dad was abusive and made no bones about not wanting James, his dad live's about 30-45 minutes away, has James on his Myspace and has a phone number that he could call yet he chooses to ignore James, and blame me for keeping James from him!

You can either 1. Contact both men and ask them if they want to be part of his life or 2. Follow your son's heart and leave them out of his life, but I think at 3, he might be a little young to make that choice though my son told me when he was 6 and has maintained it to this day, that he don't want his dad's last name any longer. In my son's case, he's better off with out his father!

JohnDB · Feb 14, 2010

It is a really good question...and one that no one really can answer.

A bad parent, Either mother or father in a child's life may not be better than no parent in the child's life.

Of course the child is going to say, "no" when asked. A parent is a major pillar in their life. Children love stability and structure at young ages. It is later that they learn that the only structure they have is what they instill into their lives.

This is why kids hate divorce too. It is the major building blocks of their world being destroyed and torn apart.

I wouldn't take your child to see his father...to experience the rejection first hand at a young age. Talk to him privately without your child's knowledge or earshot and make him understand that he is part of this child's life. Since his paternal grandmother is involved...the obvious rejection is going to be known and felt by him. What is he prepared to do about raising a son by absence that is going to grow up thinking that "daddy wants nothing to do with me...therefore I must be bad in some way". It is a tough thing to get past. But it might be easier than hearing the words directly from the horse's mouth if he is abusive.

You know him and the situation better than we can possibly ever know. Can he be a stable influence? For positive or negative...you seem to have some control over the situation.

~Lynz~ · Feb 15, 2010

i made this post alomost a year ago so lots of things have changed since.

My son is now 4 and still sayd "i dont have a daddy" but he does not say it from sadness he just has accepted that fact.

i have spoke to his dad and hes still made no effort or even just said he wants to see his son. he is not a bad dad he was a really good dad and a good bf (the cheating let him down

) so for him to be apart of his sons life wold have been fine but sinces hes not bothered im not going to forse it on him as he is doing so well.

how ever my ex wasnt a nice man at all and my sons are much better off with out him.

and actually the line form him "mummy i dont have a daddy" used to make me feel sad. but now im actually proud to hear my son say it as he has accept that there is no daddy in this house but there are in other places.

i supose a little bit of time makes all the diffrence. and if my son grows up and asks where his dad is i shall tell him if i have any idea but i am sure that he will not espect nothing from him as he has no memory of him.

Inkachu · Mar 17, 2010

I'm in a very similar situation, too. My ex vanished shortly after my son was born and has never been involved in our lives since. My son has said a few times "I don't have a dad", but he isn't upset over it at all, like your son, he just says it as a fact. As he gets older (he's 9 now), he sometimes says he wishes he had a dad, or that certain men (like a really nice man from our church who has helped us move furniture) were his dad. But it's always just a fleeting comment, he doesn't sit around moping or crying over it. I think it's because these kids have grown up without dads, and you can't really miss what you never had. And if you have a mom and other relatives who love you and surround you with security and support, that's even better.

If your son ever seems sad or upset about not having a dad, I would just put your arms around him and say something like "Sometimes people don't make good choices, and I'm sorry that you feel sad. But I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, and I'll always be here. God loves you too, and He's the best father of all." And you can name other family members or friends that he's close to, so he feels how much he's loved and he's not focusing on who's NOT there, you know?

Best wishes!

Willseeker · May 7, 2010

Aaah, but your son does have a daddy if you're a Christian and that's God! The Psalmist says God is his father:

Psalm 68:5

"A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows...."

melisssaparker46 · Oct 14, 2010

aw.. that story break my heart too.

IamStefanie · Nov 10, 2011

I know this is really old thread. But children sometimes do what the Bible calls us all to do: be content in our circumstances. Sure, they may say sometimes 'I wish I had a dad or siblings'. We all want certain things. But they somehow know to not mope about it or let it bring them down. My advice would be to ask God to show you how to be the best mom you can to your son. God is a Father to the fatherless. And while some say a man in the home is needed. I don't believe it. I believe God will set you and your son up with all of the proper influences needed. Surround him with men in your family. Or get him in church a little more. This has been a year now since you posted so I hope all is well with you and your (now 5 year old, right?)

Godisgood12 · Dec 28, 2013

IamStefanie said:
I know this is really old thread. But children sometimes do what the Bible calls us all to do: be content in our circumstances. Sure, they may say sometimes 'I wish I had a dad or siblings'. We all want certain things. But they somehow know to not mope about it or let it bring them down. My advice would be to ask God to show you how to be the best mom you can to your son. God is a Father to the fatherless. And while some say a man in the home is needed. I don't believe it. I believe God will set you and your son up with all of the proper influences needed. Surround him with men in your family. Or get him in church a little more. This has been a year now since you posted so I hope all is well with you and your (now 5 year old, right?)

Don't you think it is better for your son/daughter, if they get to at least spend some time with the other parent?

Im aware there are possibly different circumstances that may prevent it, but in the circumstances where it is possible, don't you think it is for the child's best interest to see both parents?

I happen to think so.

blackribbon · Dec 28, 2013

How children think at different ages is very different from adults...it is important to learn about developmental stagers to know what your children are saying and thinking so that you can answer appropriately. Toddlers often say "no" when they mean "yes". Preschoolers don't understand things in concrete terms like school age children do. This is why they enjoy "make-believe" so much.

I believe that the best thing you can offer your son is to be a solid and stable parent that he can depend on. You can't force a man to be a dad. God did intend children to have two parents but life doesn't always work out that way. You can control anyone but you. Be the best parent you can be.

~Lynz~ · Dec 29, 2013

My current situation is totally different from the original post.

I've got 2 boys now. 8 and 4.

I also met my childhood sweetheart in October 2010 and we got married in July 2012.

The 4 year old was only a baby when the previous post was written and his dad walked out when I was 8 months pregnant and didn't look back.

The 8 year old who was the son breaking my heart is so very happy with our family. He calls my husbNd by his first name. And I over heard my oldest son talking to a a school friend. She said "why done u have a daddy" and my son said "cause I have an Andy instead"

My boys are happy.

My son made my heart break

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