In the Background

~Beauty_from_Pain~

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I notice that I tend to be in the background of things, like when it comes to groups of people that I spend time with, and even here on CF. I'm not complaining, just saying it is something that I have noticed. I'm not one of those memorable people. It seems I tend to be that person that people go to when they need help or have no one else, but not someone they actively seek out. As it is, if I'm talking to someone, etc, and someone else comes along, I usually "loose" the person I am talking with to someone else.

With guys I find that they are fine with being my friend, but I'm just always the good friend. Once again, not a complaint, just an observation:)

I'm a pretty friendly person, but it just seems that some people aren't saught out like others. I just hope it's not because I'm doing something wrong, because if THAT's the case, I want to change:) I don't want to be ignorable.:p

You?

EDIT: What I was trying to get at:

If there's something I can do differently that I'm not doing that is "right" to do, I'd like to know.

And, where do you se yourself at?

This is not a thread with me complaining! Just wondering:):):)
 
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white dove

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For whatever it's worth (probably not much), I don't think you're "in the background" here. You make a lot of threads that people enjoy, people know who you are, etc..

But, your self-worth shouldn't be entangled in how you think others perceive you. And by that, I mean.. this shouldn't even be an issue for you. You're a pretty cool girl who's worth the time and effort to get to know. Nuts to the rest. :thumbsup:
 
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~Beauty_from_Pain~

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With 872 threads started & counting??? :p

That has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. I could write millions of threads, but a thread is something you do on your own. Has nothing to do with being in the background or not.
 
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Rhye

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For whatever it's worth (probably not much), I don't think you're "in the background" here. You make a lot of threads that people enjoy, people know who you are, etc..

But, your self-worth shouldn't be entangled in how you think others perceive you. And by that, I mean.. this shouldn't even be an issue for you. You're a pretty cool girl who's worth the time and effort to get to know. Nuts to the rest. :thumbsup:

I wholeheartedly agree!
 
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~Beauty_from_Pain~

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For whatever it's worth (probably not much), I don't think you're "in the background" here. You make a lot of threads that people enjoy, people know who you are, etc..

But, your self-worth shouldn't be entangled in how you think others perceive you. And by that, I mean.. this shouldn't even be an issue for you. You're a pretty cool girl who's worth the time and effort to get to know. Nuts to the rest. :thumbsup:

Thanks White. As I said, I wasn't complaining and I said that because I know this thread could come off that way.

What I was trying to get at:

If there's something I can do differently that I'm not doing that is "right" to do, I'd like to know.

And, where do others see themselves at?
 
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Rhye

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How do I see myself?

Well there are things I shine at and people notice. I see that they do but those things come naturally. But, I do not like being center of attention in any place. That is why I don't do birthdays and such. I feel uncomfortable, even though I want to throw a huge party and dance the night away.
 
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Rhye

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I don't like big birthdays either.

I really wish I could be like my friends. They throw such big parties every year.

I just don't know how to do it.

Who is going to come?
Who is going to care to come?
What am I going to wear?
Should I invite that cute guy?
Oh no, people are going to look at me.

*runs away*
 
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white dove

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How do I see myself?

Well there are things I shine at and people notice. I see that they do but those things come naturally. But, I do not like being center of attention in any place. That is why I don't do birthdays and such. I feel uncomfortable, even though I want to throw a huge party and dance the night away.

I don't really enjoy that, either lol. God help me if I actually get married someday. :D I'm much more comfortable sharing in any sort of "spotlight" -- real or perceived -- with everyone else. I remember going to dance clubs and things. I LOVE to dance.. and admit, I don't really dance for anyone or go to those places to meet people. I just love to dance and enjoy the energy and atmosphere, so great. :) Anyway, I've danced on more than a few platforms in my day, but never really felt comfortable being "in" the spotlight. Hated it, actually. I was always much more comfortable "in the crowd," with everyone else, getting "lost" in it as it were. I dunno, mmeh.


~Beauty_from_Pain~ said:
What I was trying to get at:

If there's something I can do differently that I'm not doing that is "right" to do, I'd like to know.

And, where do others see themselves at?



Ah... you do a lot of self-analyzing. ;) Stop it! lol :p


Can I ask why you would want that though? I mean, there's nothing wrong with you that you need to "fix" if you're just naturally a bit reserved or - God forbid? - not naturally the biggest loudmouth ever? You strike me as the type of person who is genuine, someone who has close friends (not 48597547920 aquaintences) and someone who wouldn't want any sort of attention-seeking desperation oozing from you (which is something a "spotlight hog" might have).



I don't think I'm a spotlight person. And that is partially by choice, partially because sometimes I'm just not the most popular person in the room. Mmeh. I am who I am.
 
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ulu

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As it is, if I'm talking to someone, etc, and someone else comes along, I usually "loose" the person I am talking with to someone else.
. I just hope it's not because I'm doing something wrong, because if THAT's the case, I want to change:) I don't want to be ignorable.:p
i

Interesting post. I highly doubt you're doing something wrong. Certain personalities just attract more people, or thrive being the center of attention etc more than others. Also some are more natural leaders while some are more natural encouragers, some are sensitive, some are courageous etc.

As far as temporarily loosing the person your talking to to someone else, that would be hurtful or annoying I think. If I'm on the phone with someone and they put me on hold, even briefly, to take another incoming call it REALLY annoys me. If it's not a close friend I'll hang up.
 
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Thunder Peel

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I've never been a cool or popular guy, whether it's online or in real life. I guess I don't have a memorable or likable personality but I can only change so much before it becomes too much work to keep track of.

I'm afraid I don't really have any solid advice but I know the feeling because I've been there many times myself.
 
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Amber.ly

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Perhaps you are being noticed for the right things instead of the wrong things and this is why you feel you are a "background" personality.

Noticable or "look at me" personalities get noticed for all the wrong things... because they not only tend to perform for other's, they also mess up in front of others. So they are memorable but not in the best way.

I like to think that I am a mix of the two worlds. I am one of those people who plan their birthday parties, will step up and lead if I have to and in general am not quiet about what I think. But in my ministries and friends group I'm am totally in the background, the one who listens or does drudge work. And I like it that way. A balance to all things is my motto.

I think you need to find the middle ground on this issue. What is appropiate in one situation is not in another. I firmly believe that everyone should make their birthdays a big deal. Celebrate, bring cupcakes to work and plan a night on the town with friends. But then turn around and quietly be the person who prays for people who are hurting. Who does the right thing without fanfare.

Popularity is stupid. Being appreciated for who you are as a person is the important thing.
 
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~Beauty_from_Pain~

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I don't really enjoy that, either lol. God help me if I actually get married someday. :D I'm much more comfortable sharing in any sort of "spotlight" -- real or perceived -- with everyone else. I remember going to dance clubs and things. I LOVE to dance.. and admit, I don't really dance for anyone or go to those places to meet people. I just love to dance and enjoy the energy and atmosphere, so great. :) Anyway, I've danced on more than a few platforms in my day, but never really felt comfortable being "in" the spotlight. Hated it, actually. I was always much more comfortable "in the crowd," with everyone else, getting "lost" in it as it were. I dunno, mmeh.






Ah... you do a lot of self-analyzing. ;) Stop it! lol :p


Can I ask why you would want that though? I mean, there's nothing wrong with you that you need to "fix" if you're just naturally a bit reserved or - God forbid? - not naturally the biggest loudmouth ever? You strike me as the type of person who is genuine, someone who has close friends (not 48597547920 aquaintences) and someone who wouldn't want any sort of attention-seeking desperation oozing from you (which is something a "spotlight hog" might have).



I don't think I'm a spotlight person. And that is partially by choice, partially because sometimes I'm just not the most popular person in the room. Mmeh. I am who I am.

I wonder if most people online are those in the background, and that's why we are on here? Just a thought.

I am very analytical, and I have many people telling me to stop it. LOL. The one thing I try and do is to be open to seeing the flaws that I have, but also, to take what people say with a grain of salt. If someone says I need to change something, I listen and then decide. Like, my pastor even made an assumption about me. I thought about it, but I saw that what he was saying was wrong because he didn't know me well, so I discarded it. So I am not a pushover and don't just do what other people say I need to do to change, but I am very open to being a better person:)

And yeah, you're quite right on me:) :p
 
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