When I seen thitle to your post, I had to check it because it sounded like something I've written one to many times. Just remember that god is love and sees your heart. Perhaps he is upset with you, but he will never leave you. Just hang in there and praise him no matter what the outcome.
Last year I too felt a great grief for something. I'm no perfect Christian mind you. I hung out with my exfiance for a day, I was passed the anger and fear from how badly she had hurt me. I was very excited. So to celebrate, I started drinking because it made me feel happier andmore alive. Little did I know I was becoming an alcoholic. I didn't know when to stop drinking. Maybe after an hour the devil shreds through me and all the pain she had caused returned with no mercy. For nearly 2 or 3 hours all I did was scream at her, call her horrible names.
The next day, I was so heart broken for what I had did. I was so happy to see her, but I ruined it with the worst words you can imagine. I cried my eyes out like a little girl. I spent the whole day talking to god, in the evening he brought me peace and something special. I was taking a walk talking with god apologizing for my behavior. I look to the sky and this massive cloud hundreds of miles lower than the rest of the clouds was hovering in front of me. Plain as day it was the form of Jesus Christ. I seen his beard, the facial features were visable, even what appeared to be a crown of thorns. As soon as I realized who I was looking at, this massive cloud just dissappeared in under a minute. I stood there for like 15 minutes completely amazed of what just seen. It was undeniable.
So my point is this, Christ appeared to me when I was extreamly undeserving of such a great honor. I had acted like such a drunken fool screaming and cursing. Yet the very next day the lord appears before me, I suppose to show me he is listening. Just pray your heart out and try not to worry to much. This life is only temporary.