too far...

nickcu13 · Jan 24, 2010

Hey guys. Relationships seem to be a big topic in this area of the forum, so i had a question for you guys.

To you, what is considered "too far" in a dating relationship, and what is considered "fair game" in terms of physical contact and sexuality with your partner. I know many people have different opinions and ideas, so i was wondering what yours are. I will share mine at a later time.

With Love in Him.
-Nick

RobertMerton · Jan 24, 2010

if you are asking those sorts of questions, then perhaps it's not the best idea to get into a relationship, or be in one if you are.

but to answer your question,

if you can't do it in front of your/her/his parents, then you can't do it.

Mela Monkey · Jan 29, 2010

To me, making out is going a little too far.

Also, petting.. but not like back rubs, more sexual petting.

I guess I basically agree with what ck psy said.

edit:alright, there.. i changed it

explodingboy · Jan 29, 2010

Mela Monkey said:
To me, making out is going a little too far.

Also, petting.. but not like back rubs, more sexual petting.

Oral sex also.

I guess I basically agree with what ck psy said.

I'm trying to work out how in the world Oral sex has to pointed out as too far if you've already put the line at back rubs and making out..

kids these days,

ilovemyman · Jan 29, 2010

Anything personal is going to far.
I consider just cuddling making out, and stuff fine but other then that everything is going to far

FireLily · Mar 10, 2010

Actual vaginal-penis penetration, in my opinion, is going too far. I really think it depends on how you feel afterwards and your emotions with that person. If kissing them is too much for you, then don't. And if you can go to the point where you're "petting" each other and don't think it's too much, then I think that's ok too. I don't think each person is the same when it comes to sexuality and intimacy.

HolyDude · Mar 10, 2010

Agreed with the person above me. Sex is just not ok unless you're married.

Trashionista · Mar 11, 2010

Providing you aren't forcing another person to do something they don't want to do, it's up to the individual couple to decide their limits. It varies.

explodingboy · Mar 11, 2010

FireLily said:
Actual vaginal-penis penetration, in my opinion, is going too far.

lolz.

Paulie079 · Mar 11, 2010

Anything that stimulates you sexually is too far. Seriously, until you're married, you don't need to have physical intimacy to a terribly far degree. That doesn't mean don't hold hands or kiss. And I know it's different for everyone. But I think you truly know when you're going too far. It's not a matter of how far you go but when you start.

Seriously, date the person, find out if they're the right one for you. If you discover you want to commit to spending the rest of your life with them, then marry them. You can do all of that without have much intense physical contact or intimacy. That's something God intended for marriage.

YoDude · Mar 11, 2010

If you are serious about limiting sex before marriage, then you gots to be careful - one thing leads to another and it can happen real fast, you may be a virgin who's never been kissed, and the next day you could have gone all the way. Attraction in young people can get out of hand quick, the best policy is to discuss limits and agree, maybe even call it a night if you start feeling too amorous.

Trashionista · Mar 11, 2010

Paulie079 said:
Anything that stimulates you sexually is too far.

I guess oysters are out of the question then.

Honestly, anything can stimulate a person sexually, so I'm not sure how one puts limits on such things without ending up in a bubble.

Paulie079 · Mar 12, 2010

Anything can but not everything does. I also said that it's really an individual-to-individual thing. Something that may be sexually stimulating for one may not be for another. Each knows what those things are and knows what boundaries they need to set up to avoid even nearing that line.

ashley lynne · Mar 14, 2010

The "line" is different for every person. If just a kiss makes you want to go further sexually, then kissing is too far for you. If making out makes you want to go further sexually, then making out is too far for you. You want to limit yourself so you will not get into a situation where you'll want to go further.

Another way to limit yourself .... would you be okay with the Lord watching what you do with your girl/boy friend? If not, then what you're doing is too far. If you're not okay with the Lord watching it, then don't do it. He sees every move we make, big or small.

Matt.9:22 · Mar 26, 2010

The best way I've heard it described is this way:

You want to know the line? How far is too far? The line is preparation for sex. If you're body starts to prepare itself for sex, you've crossed the line. If you're body starts to prepare itself for sex when you go in their apartment, you've crossed the line. If you're body starts to prepare itself for sex when you make out, you've crossed the line. And you have to be brutally honest with yourself. It's called turned on for a reason. Once you're turned on, it's hard to get turned off except for through the way God has ordained through marriage between a man and his wife.

That's a snippet from a sermon by our young adult's pastor. If you want to hear it, go here:
Watermark Radio: Watermark Media

choose the porch channel and then go to the summer lovin' series. It's the sermon called Sex: out of rhythm.

Anon Emuss · Mar 26, 2010

Paulie079 said:
Anything that stimulates you sexually is too far. Seriously, until you're married, you don't need to have physical intimacy to a terribly far degree. That doesn't mean don't hold hands or kiss. And I know it's different for everyone. But I think you truly know when you're going too far. It's not a matter of how far you go but when you start.

Seriously, date the person, find out if they're the right one for you. If you discover you want to commit to spending the rest of your life with them, then marry them. You can do all of that without have much intense physical contact or intimacy. That's something God intended for marriage.

Yes, and when you discover that you and your partner aren't sexually compatible, do the American thing and divorce them. :amen:

scuba_mikey_pc_2008 · Mar 28, 2010

Like has been said, if you can't do it publically (ok some couples do engage in sex publically, but that's beside the point), then it's too far.

Above all else, look at scripture. Adam and Eve didn't have sex until they were married in the eyes of God. Read the book of Ruth, Ruth didn't have sex until she was married. Look at Paul's letters, time and time again, he calls us to not engage in sexual activity or lust upon a woman. Look at Jesus' sermon on the mount, he calls us to avoid lust.

Yes, people do argue that sex is cool before marriage, because you love each other and you'll get married, but that's not what God calls us to do! If you want the best guidance, read your bible and pray. If it's arousing, it's too far.

pressingon17 · Apr 1, 2010

1 Timothy 5:2 says, treat"younger women like sisters, in all purity."I think that says it all right there.The only time there not your sister anymore is when you marry her,and I've been down the wrong road,i'm not doing that again.I learned my lesson and thank you LORD for forgiveness.

blythe_ann · Apr 6, 2010

As a married person, I have a different viewpoint.
I agree with the person that said if you can't do it in front of other people, you shouldn't do it. In Israel women weren't allowed to be alone with men, and that was the rule we eventually set for ourselves, because we felt we had gone to far (without actual intercourse). This way, there is no chance of feeling guilty, and you spend the dating time to actually get to know each other as people, not physically. It makes the wedding night more frightening, but also more amazing... it makes it not only feel new and exciting, but also to know that you are obeying the Lord by having waited and now becoming one is amazing.
As far as the person who mentioned divorces because of sexual incompatibility, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If people would wait until they were married, the person they married would be their one and only, they would have no comparison, which makes it good. And seriously, it gets better the longer you are with someone and work things out together to find the perfect match. If people get divorced over something as unrealistic as that, that is really terrible. I know it happens and it breaks my heart and isn't something to "joke" about on a forum. It's just plain sad.

Riot Riot Riot · Apr 23, 2010

I feel a bit hypocritical answering this question, especially when I consider my past relationships. They have not been near as pure as they could have been, and that's why I believe they ended. I over-stepped my boundaries with those people, and so God took what could have been a healthy relationship away from me. I know my wrongdoings, and still have lessons to learn, so until I can learn those lessons I believe God will have me be single for a while.

Now... to answer your question: If you're doing something, and you have feelings of guilt, or you just feel wrong doing it, then stop. That's God speaking to you! Anything that leads you into sexual temptation is too far. I'm not saying holding hands, hugs, and kissing are bad. BUT, if heavily kissing your significant other causes your mind, and your hands!, to wander, then by all means draw the line there. Your sex drive is made to go forward, so once you awaken those feelings and temptations, they are very near impossible to stifle. (It IS possible, it's just one of the hardest because your sex drive is NATURAL).

1 Corinthians 6:12-20 (The Message)

12Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.
13You know the old saying, "First you eat to live, and then you live to eat"? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that's no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!
14-15God honored the Master's body by raising it from the grave. He'll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master's body. You wouldn't take the Master's body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.
16-20There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than everthe kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

That's just ONE chunk of scripture that talks about sex; there are COUNTLESS others. Do some research and you'll find your answers.

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