Sometimes I just don't care

God bless you for the wonderful person you are. I'm saying prayers for you. Merry Christmas dear Madison.

Trish, I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time. We are just about the same age, and from knowing you for a few years I would say we are quit alike when it comes to our drinking. Actually most of us have different stories, but the outcomes are pretty much the same.
Fighting the fight can be super hard at times, and the old way of thinking is that really the only thing we have to rely on is the getting wasted. Anyway this is what our brains tell us. I wonder if the alcohol is really touching the place that is really hurting, think about it. I remember feeling it didn't, unless I was utterly on the floor.
That place that the alcohol isn't reaching, is a place where Christs wants to come in and take from you. Perhaps a little place where you haven't given up yet. It is tiring trying to figure it out, but you don't have to it is called complete surrendering everything to God, even in our subconscious
I don't think there is anyone in recovery that has found life to be a piece of cake. It is very hard but is it much easier than dealing with it with a hangover and plus dealing with the repercussions that come along with getting loaded again.
You are a very intelligent woman I pray that God touches the right place in your inner being to give you the strength to fight the fight. To find the right doctor to reach the pain and suffering you have been going through. I pray Christ picks you up and gets those arms out once again reaching for help.

I love you Trish, my sister in recovery and in Christ.

There goes the blank mind...not a place any human can call you out of...I just hope you don't do anything more that you would regret other than a bit of drinking...I pray for no blackouts, no absolutely foolish moves or relationship destruction...but I pray God speaks through the alcohol...cuz He can. He can speak through evil as much as good...

Hey Trish, are you staying connected with people? Your sponsor, doc, therapist, etc? If we retreat, things only get worse. Stay in touch with your supports....they do want to help you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas morning Trish.

come on trish, the team is with you here!
we are all on your side but you have to be the one.
prayers do get addressed, and we all pray for you.

I understand. I too am trying to bring myself back to soberness. I wish you well. I do.