struggles of a college student

A little background info: I've been raised in a christian family all my life. I grew up attending church regularly twice a week, sundays and wednesdays. I dont believe i really accepted Christ until my freshmen yr in college, but have been struggling with my faith since then. I have struggled with masturbation and inappropriate content, since I was a freshmen in high school. I dont think I was serious about christianity before college because i felt it was forced on me through my parents. My father was very strict growing up. Anyway i've just had many problems happening more recently. My sophomore year in college, i got into drinking and partying did that up until the beginning of this year, where i realized something needed to change. I remember feeling depressed with life and having a bunch of physical ailments, so i decided that i needed to get connected with a church. While i completely stopped partying and drinking less, i started smoking marijuana. I started smoking on halloween of 2008 and smoked a few of times up until new years. Then i stopped for a while, then started doing it once every two weeks, then pretty soon it was every weekend. Up until march and april, i smoked consecutively for 2 weeks out of the month. anyway to make a long story short i stopped for 6 months, but fell back into it 2 weeks ago. But been having problems before that, that caused me to use it again. I've recently had chronic stress and anxiety and have felt a slew of physical ailments and mental anguish. I've gone to the doctor for many things and of course everything came back normal. So i understand its something spiritual in nature. I've never had trials this bad before. It's really difficult, especially since this is my last year in college. I feel like i've use marijuana as a crutch for covering up problems. I understand that i have to stop smoking, which i dont think will be hard once i fix the problem that im trying to mask. I'm not sure whether this anxiety that i have is because i've been hiding this inappropriate content problem or because im depressed. I'm just not sure, but i know i need alot of prayer. I fell like i hit rock bottom. I know that this anxiety is an evil spirit, i know that i've always been an anxious person, but it feels like its inhibiting my daily life. I know that God can take it away from me.

Thanks for your reply, i actually have not gone to those meetings before, but i am getting Christian consuling/therapy. I am more worried about the anxiety. I know i have left myself vulnerable to the satan because of the inappropriate content and weed. I wondering if this onset of the anxiety is because of this. What are some things i can do to remove this spirit of anxiety and fear?

Thank you for all your responses. today was the first day i actually felt better. My parents came over yesterday to pray over me and my apartment. Today i felt a sense of peace and not worry, I was surprised i almost had forgot the way it felt. I understand that peace will fully come when i cut out all the stuff that has been separting me and god, like smoking weed and looking at inappropriate content. I know that i probably wont smoke anymore, especially since my last experience was horrible. I just hope that the temptation of looking at inappropriate content will dissipate as well. I remember their was a time were i trusted in god my freshmen yr and i stopped looking at it for several months. I also beleive some of the music i was listening to was not beneficial for me either. These past couple days ive been listening to just christain worship and i feel as if that has helped me also. I just covet your prayers for me. I see that god is moving.

thanks for your post lily, it really means alot to me. Yeah i believe its just been a tough time for me. Recently, i have felt more peaceful, which has been a blessing. I stopped listening to the secular music, i was listening to for about a week and ive seen a difference. I'm going to continue seeking him, and hopefully he will show me what he wants me to do.

Thanks

thank you for all your responses and your prayers. In regards to feelings of not being wanted, ive never struggled with these thoughts. But i have had bouts of feelings of loneliness and depression. but these past few weeks have been much better. I have two more weeks of school then a nice break. so continue to pray that God will guide me through this next couple days.

Its been a long time since my last post. I was able to get through college, graduated this past May. Started attending graduate school this fall. I kind of veered away from God during this past summer. I started to smoke again with one of my friends. I understood that I had to eventually quit. My issue was that I kept justifying it. I started going back to church few weeks ago. Last week I asked God "what do i need to remove in my life?" I knew in the back of my mind that one was smoking weed, but I attempted to overlook it. Well I had a horrible experience with pot this past friday. I smoked with the buddy I normally smoke with and I felt like he was demon possessed. I felt as if a demon manifested itself through him. It scared the living daylights out of me. I immediately left home. I feel like God allowed it to show me, because any other way I wouldnt have decided to quit. After that day, I thought long and hard this past weekend and knew that was a definite message from God to stop. I no longer have desire to smoke even the thought scares me. I believe God was also telling me to cut the friendship as well. This friend has not benefited me in any way since ive known him. I just ask for your continual prayers, I feel like I've been fearful ever since. I just want prayer that God would lead me and to bring me good solid christian friends.