sex before marriage

I will first tell you one thing. If you have sex wity one who is not married, you are essentially marrying her by having Sex. Look at Exodus 22:16 " And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife." I also think that this verse shows how Sex was meant to be inside marriage only, just to clarify this.

Now, I also do think that you are right in that, true love is not what you are describing your feelings. Let me first quote I Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, doesn't behave itself rudely, is not provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all thing, endures all things, love never fails..."

I don't see doing what feels good in there. I'm not saying that sex is bad. It's a healty part of marraige, but sex is not what marraige is based on. Marriage should be based on the true Agape love described above. Notice that this love "doesn't seek its own." I would really encourage you to examine yourself. Is your "love" for her really love for her, forget how she looks, who she is, etc? Or is it the kind of love that the world promotes. That is, the kind of love that is simply "love is what feels good."

How far should I go with my girlfreind?

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To be frank, I think that any "girlfreind" should be completly social, nothing physical. Physical touching, kissing, etc, is sexual interaction, which is mean't for inside marriage only.

Am I supposed to not have a girlfreind if I cant handle this?

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I think that biblically, you shouldn't have a girlfriend at all. I Corinthians 7:25-40 gives advice to people who are single. v35 tells us this:

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. (1Co 7:32-35)

God expects us when we are single (and I don't think the Bible makes a distinbction between single and dating), to be focusing completely on Him. Adding on a girlfriend is taking time away that you could be spending for the LORD or with the LORD.

If so how will I find the right person to marry?

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This is something that so many people are incorrect on. You do not need to be "seeking" your to be wife. going back to I Cor 7, v27 " Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife." This verse says it all. The LORD will show you when to and who you will marry, and you will completely adore her. Unless the LORD is leading you to marry this girl, I really think that you have no business spending the time that you are with her. I would greatly encourage you to get out of this relationship right now. Now that being said...

Overall I dont know how to handle the Bible's teachings cause I cant [ok maybe I just really really dont want to] follow it word for word and live like Jesus. It all seems too overwhelming.

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I understand how you feel. The draw of sin is powerful and while we have no excuse to sin, it is still a very powerful grap. I have struggled greatly with my eyes, and lusting for girls and I really did not know how to stop!! I always sinned!!!

You cannot forget what Jesus said:

"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. (Joh 15:5)

And lets not forget its complement Philippians 4:13: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You, in yourself, cannot resist sin. It is only by the LORD Jesus that you can. I really think that you should pray, ask the LORD to work in you to make you not sin and ask him to give you patience to wait for the one who the LORD has for you to marry.

I would also encourage you to focus more on your walk with the LORD. Spend more time in prayer, true worship and reading of the Word. Spend time serving the LORD at church. And keep at it . As you grow in the LORD you will want to know Him more, to read the Word, to pray more. Thats where the LORD's brought me to right now in my struggle against sexual temptation. The temptation is stil there but its easier to refute it and to long for the LORD not girls.

I'll bew praying for you brother! I'd love to talk to you on AIM, or PM if you'd like to!

Oh, man, you don't ask the easy questions.

I am in no position to throw stones about premarital sex. My opinions on the issue are not strong; I am personally strongly convicted against casual sex, but in the end, it's not my place to tell you what is or isn't sexually immoral; that's between you and God.

One of the reasons this issue is so hard is that "marriageable age" has gone up by quite a lot since Biblical times, but human sexual instincts haven't.

A couple of options might include chaperoning, non-sexual contact... Hugs, for instance, are generally acceptable. But mostly, work on the relationship; try to find out whether or not this relationship can last, because if it can't, you will *definitely* regret getting sexually involved.

Just my opinion; don't forget to ask God, He's famed for good advice.

Originally posted by Tyler582
How far should I go with my girlfreind?

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That's a very good question.  The only problem is, often it can be the wrong question to ask.  It can be like saying how far can I take her to the edge of that extremely high cliff without falling off...Try this link, it may be of some help:  http://www.catholic.com/chastity/pure_love.asp

Overall I dont know how to handle the Bible's teachings cause I cant [ok maybe I just really really dont want to] follow it word for word and live like Jesus. It all seems too overwhelming.

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A lot of us have that problem.  Many of Christ's teachings are very hard to follow, and some even harder to want to follow.  My best advice is to pray.  Pray a lot.  One of my favorite quotes is "Death, but not sin!" by St. Dominic Savio.  I think he was around 10 years old when he said it. Think of it this way: God loves you.  Sin offends God.  God is eternally merciful, but don't forget, he is also eternally just.  I'll be praying for you.

Pax

I think you are very wise to think about this and ponder it before you actually do anything you may regret. If making out with your girlfriend is intensifying your feelings, (and I'm sure it is!) you should avoid it. It's much harder to resist when your "under the spell". Saving yourself for marriage will be worth it!
This is also an example of one sin leading to another, abortion has become rampant only since premarital sex has become rampant. Is this really the path you want to go down?

Hi Tyler,
U're indeed a smart person coz at least you hold back and start to think and ask. Anyway, my question for you is, what if you go further in the relationship in terms of physical intimacy? And you go so far and you reach the end.....then what? If you ask me, i'll say i'll be back at square one and i'll be back at this board again.

Is your gf a christian? If she is then you both can start doing some stuff that christians do. Like study the Bible and being accountable for each other's spiritual life.

If your gf is not a christian, both of you can start researching on some topic.(if both of u are the knowledge sponge type)....that'll keep the relationship more meaningful. Just do something else...i have this kind of mentality, when 2 ppl get together, each of them are supposed to excel more than if they were single.

Just my 2 cents.

I could offer you alot of the same advise you already recieved...but I see no use...for I know that whatever you do...He will make it a lesson for you..and if you do bad...then He will turn it to good...He guides well and joy is found in following Him....Stay in Him and all things just seem to be dandy.

Tyler,

I remember 16 once and how hard it is to be a male at 16, and to be a male at the age of 16 with a pretty girlfriend. My advice is this. Each step you take physically will make you want to take another step. How do you avoid this. Well, I had a girlfriend one time, her name was Carla. She was pretty and had a nice figure. The only problem, she was not a believer. This girl would leave me notes at my locker all day long describing to me how she wanted me to come home and have sex with her. Part of me was like dude, you could score, however the Holy Spirit told me, to "flee the apperance of evil". So I dumped her.

Think of what could have happened if we did. Disease, shoot any girl that easy might have slept with anyone else, and no telling what she might have. (std) Then what about pregnancy. The last thing I needed was to get a girl pregnant at the age of 16. Sure, you can use a condom, but there not 100% effective. Shoot my wife was on the pill which is 99.995 percent effective and she still got pregnant.

What I am trying to say is this. You will have consequences for everything you do. Premarital sex has its problems. Lets say that you marry a beautiful young lady. But had pre-marital sex with 10 women. Do you honestly think you won't compare your wife with those 10 other women. And what are you going to do if one of the 10 was a better lover than your wife (in your opinion). Think of the images that will be stored in your memory forever. Do you think its ok to share your wife with 10 other women? Its hard being a 16 year male with hormones that won't stop, I know, I have been there.

Another solution, is too find a girlfriend who is a Christian (though this does not always work) who will help the both of you.

Speaking from someone who had premarital sex. I think that (well since you don't want to know my religious ideas about it) you miss something when you have premarital sex. I am a woman so may be I am just sappy. I think that when you have premarital sex then you get married to that person or someone else, you do not get to enjoy that as a scared bond between husband and wife the day you are married. I don't think premarital sex even to your fiance(who mine was with) makes it any beter. You don't get the joy of expierncing each other sexually for the first time as husband and wife. Imagine coming home or going to the hotel for the first time and making love for the 2nd or 100th time but then imagine you spending your first night experiencing each other knowing that you have made a scared bond and this is how you are consumating it

Originally posted by Tyler582
You see my life is GREAT; I am smart [91 average in school], im attractive, I have a girlfreind, I have a powerful computer and an xbox [all the entertainment I could ask for], good freinds, and a good head on my shoulders. Im not braggin, Im just saying that its hard to turn completely to God because of this goodness.

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It sounds like God has blessed you abundantly.  Don't think of turning to God in terms of what you can lose.  Just think of what you gain. 

Especailly with my girlfreind because I enjoy her sooo very much. So tell me, are u guys certain that I cant have any sorta physical relations with her? Because I think Im starting to see that things like makin out and fondling her body are against Gods rules [probably , now I wanna get married ]. I really appreciate your help here guys, this is a good message board. Any thought is appreciated.

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Sex is a gift from God.  It is SACRED.  Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, as is hers.  I highly recommend you look at that website that I posted in my previous post on this thread.  It offers a lot of good advice and explanation.  Remember, "Purity knows no regrets."  The link is http://www.catholic.com/chastity/pure_love.asp .

And Remember:

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,

it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. For we know partially and we prophesy partially,

but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.

At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.

So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

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Pax

Tyler: I know how exciting sexual desire can be. It in itself is of course not wrong. God gave us this most pleasant way for man and women to express their deep love and to bond together as one.

Do you really think that you are ready for the commitment that God places upon this union?

There is so much more to a relationship than sex... or at least there should be. Have fun, talk, listen, and learn about the one that you Love.

Maybe it will be her when the time is right. Maybe you will marry and make your life together.

Or maybe you will find that she is not the one for you.

Either way you will be glad that you waited.

My wisdom comes from having done it all the wrong ways.

When it comes down to it, we must look at it from the point of view from Jesus, not our own. Here's the situation, you have a perfect God come from his throne on heaven to die for his Creation...just to have that relationship with them. He gave up all He had...even up to death. If we, as 'christians', are going to have the audacity to call themselves such, then they need to live as their 'savior' did. If we go off and say we follow a man who gave His life for us, yet do not give our life for Him...then are we not merely making his crusifixion a mockery...and worthless? After all, just as 1 Corinthians 6:20 says, 'For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are Gods.'

Originally posted by Tyler582
Ya ok this sucks though, I want to learn from being bad? Why did I have to think of this? Why couldnt I just be dumb? Will I really be happy if I completely go with God? Am I over reacting? I will be judged for this if I make a bad move wont I? Because I mean Im thinkin it over before hand? Am I a bad kid? I try to be good, I mean there are many bad things I could do that I dont, but I know God is the most important thing in the end. Again u guys really help out thanks.

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I know the feeling.  As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss, but after being blissfully ignorant, I knew something was missing.  Though for a very long time I claimed ignorance, I feel I really knew the truth all along.... 

Just remember, God loves you.  Following him is a decision you have to make on your own.  I've never regretted my decision.  If you have any questions feel free to PM me.  I'll be praying for you...

Pax