Being Right vs. showing respect.

let me answer your question with a question... (I always wanted to use that line)!

If you have a choice between being right, but in doing so causing someone to stumble in their faith, or humbly walking away or agreeing to disagree, where do you think the better stance is?

The reason I ask that is because there are certain things worth being right over, and not being willing to compromise. But to argue over something small, and declare you are right (even if you are) in a situation where the end result isn't all that important, if it's going to hurt that person or cause them to stumble, it ain't all that worth it in my eyes.

Some people want nothing to do with truth. Let the dead bury their dead. However, Jesus did say pray for them. That means our prayer can do something or he wouldn't have told us that.

Hey if I love her enough I'd lay down my life for her. I'd travel the ends of the Earth for her... I'd rescue her from evil henchmen... I'd mess up my expensive leather jacket and toss it in the muddy puddle just so she could walk on it... you get the drift..

I know to many people being right is more important but when right is more important than respect I think that it is wrong. I have been guilty of putting what I think is right above respest and love for another. DOes it really matter at the end of the day if you are right? Unless of course you are arguing over weather the house is burning down or weather Jesus is our Lord and Saviour.

Many times we get caught up in such trivial matters that we place the relationship we have with another person jeopardy just to prove our own intellect or wisdom.

you can disagree and still be respectful. Just don't allow yourself to take the conversation to a personal level and if the person you're talking with tries to make it personal, then its time to walk away.

I do think you can respectfully disagree. If it comes to namecalling or implying that someone is stupid or you are putting them down with your argument or you make it personal, then I think it isn't respectful or loving anymore. Stick to the issue without insulting anyone or putting them down for having their opinion. For some people, being right is much more important than respecting the person they are disagreeing with: they have to have the last word and just become obnoxious with veiled or open insults. That's tacky.

I agree with LT and Mina. It's possible to do both. You can firmly and confidently disagree with someone, but also do it with a spirit of humility and kindness. However, there comes a point when you often have to stop pressing the issue and understand that you are probably not going to agree. Disagreeing with name-calling or passive aggressive behavior, however, is not respectful in my opinion.

being respectful while disagreeing is easy enough if you remember to do so.... but some times it gets to the point where you can no long show respect to a person if you continue the conversation... at which point it's usualy best to walk away.

Though on a rare occassion the person may need to learn an honest to goodness lesson (by that i don't mean the "I'm gonna teach you a lesson punk" type of lesson but honest to to goodness it's something they have to experience and learn from) at which point it may be better to show some disrespect... but it's a rare case and you have to be very careful even so to make sure it's the right thing to do...

best for me to leave it at that as it's a very touchy issue especialy for those of us who were raised to respect people... i personaly don't see myself ever giving someone disrespect on purpose.. though when i am 50 i may be wise enough to see when i might need to do otherwise... best i can say is somewhat look at the Japanese cultural ways of respect...

Yes, the two things must be mutually exclusive, or at odds with one another. How else could it be?

StarryEyes said:

How do you lovingly disagree with someone when you're really passionate/convicted about a certain issue?

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There were a lot of good responses in this thread.


I think your question differs depending on who one is talking to. For example, an on-line stranger you can talk till you are blue in the face and no one is going to change their stance. Also, with a stranger, your respectful disagreement is more likely to be taken the wrong way. With a close friend, one who understands your history, knowledge, heart and where you are coming from, you may have more influence, and they also understand that your disagreement is not personal.


Since you asked "how" I am going to give some practical things that I try and do:

I think it is important to stay calm. Stick to the issue. Provide your reasoning (based on facts, experience, etc.). It is also important to let the other person be heard, and let them know you are listening.

Often disagreements may arise from misunderstandings more than anything. If I think I might be misunderstanding someone, then one thing I will do is tell them that I want to make sure I am clear on what they said, and so I am going to repeat back what I am understanding and I want them to tell me if I am understanding it correctly. Then I repeat it back as I understand it, and allow them to clarify. I think this also shows them that you are listening to them, and that you really do have a desire to communicate and understand their side.

Another thing is to find the commonalities and work from there. It also provides some validation for the other person. Instead of saying "I disagree...." Start by saying "I agree with this, but ......" Or "I think you are right with this...." By starting off positive, it sets a positive tone as well.

Finally, I would say that you will not change the minds of most people, even those you are close to. It is our nature to seek out information which confirms what we already believe and to ignore information which does not. Have your say, but don't beat the dead horse. If it is clear that the other person is closed off and not willing to listen to your side, then it is time to say that "I guess we will just have to agree to disagree", smile, and move on to something less passionate. You have already given your say and planted your seeds.

I'm right and everybody else is wrong. What else is there left to discuss?

Depends on the context.

StarryEyes said:

Which is more important?
Or are both of them equally important?
Or does it depend on the situation?

I know that for me personally there are times where, when I don't agree with someone, I say things I shouldn't say.. or if I'm really convicted of something then I say too much or try to get them on "my side." How do you lovingly disagree with someone when you're really passionate/convicted about a certain issue?

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I don't hide my opinionated self anymore. Respect in this case, to me. is defined in not making a personal attack on the person for believing what they believe. That doesn't mean I have to hold back my blunt honesty in how much I disagree and the reasons why. Just as long as I don't make personal attacks I see no reason to hold back.

StarryEyes said:

Which is more important?
Or are both of them equally important?
Or does it depend on the situation?

I know that for me personally there are times where, when I don't agree with someone, I say things I shouldn't say.. or if I'm really convicted of something then I say too much or try to get them on "my side." How do you lovingly disagree with someone when you're really passionate/convicted about a certain issue?

Click to expand...

It can be done. There are biblical principles on this very concept. They can be found in the New Testament.


I think it's important for people to forget themselves entirely in such conversations. By doing so, allows them to focus as they should. Once self-righteousness enters, it's difficult to see anything and anyone truthfully and in a loving way.

Respect is more important. Unless you're on a forum because being right on the internet is VERY important.

When I am right, I let ya know, and I usually dont let it go. I would even correct my professors if they were wrong. Some welcomed it. Some thought I shouldnt correct them. But if I am paying for my education I want the correct facts and what not.