Can't turn off the Anger

Andoverpolo said:

lol hey what can I say - These cute innocent little Catholic girls are so much fun to play with when you trick them into taking off their halos (among other things) for a few hours Her halo is still hanging on the corner of my four post bed

Seriously though what's an "official CF Angel?" I didn't know what that was... sounds like some kind of cheerleader.

*Evil grin*

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CF Angels are the welcome wagon, prayer warriors, and the "go to" for how do I stuffs on CF

good group of people

Andoverpolo said:

Hey,

Maybe I'm not the only service member that is going through this right now, but my life is really messed up because I'm constantly tense and angry. Some of my cousins died in 9/11 and then over in Afghanistan, I got into the AF because I love to fly and because I wanted revenge... so I was already angry. I screwed up big time as a pilot with my self destructive behavior and washed out, I came back through the JAG corps but I'm doing stuff now that's unrelated and I can't talk about it with my wife. So basically I'm kind of isolated and still really angry, it just gets worse. I hate/detest/want to kill every muslim on Earth. Some used to be very good friends of mine, like my next door neighbors, one of my roommates in college and some friends online.

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First of all Islam is not the enemy, it is those people who are political failures twisting the thinking of their young men into thinking that mass murder is some kind of religious rite. Islam is militant and was forged in the crucible of war, Muhammad was both a warrior and a cleric, it's important to understand that. I think the problem is that you are are taking all of this personally and for a professional Soldier that's not allowed, we kill to neutralize immanent threats not to seek revenge.

In High School I watched Nightline every night and the Iranian hostage situation that the Carter administration was powerless to stop. The bombing of the Kole infuriated me and the day it happened I got into a fight, something I don't do often. I was just angry and later the guy I got into it with said he didn't even know about it and we laughed about the stupid incident over a beer. I served in Iraq with the Indiana National Guards and now serve in the 3rd Infantry Division, I still feel very strongly that we have an obligation to confront terrorism and that snake pit of terrorism that the Middle East is breeding.

The thing is, it's nothing personal, it's a professional duty. Aristotle said in his famous book on ethics that virtue is a balance between excess and deficiency. The excess of courage is reckless while deficiency is cowardice, he went on to say that the balance is so hard to attain it's almost rare. Outrage is good especially when international criminals are veiling their murderous intentions with something as profoundly wonderful as religion.

What you really want is justice, not revenge.

I can't turn it off, I bring it home, I've got it in the back of my mind when I watch the little mermaid with my daughters. I can't even take my wife out to dinner without being intense and angry.

I can direct it to some extent, it's how I do so well in school and in the military, but sometimes it's just too much and I lash out. I'm not like this, as a person, I'm basically a preppy bookworm dork, I mean usually I'm kind of aloof but never mean or angry. I feel like my discipline is breaking down and I'm drinking a lot more. I don't see a way out of this... does anybody else know what I'm talking about?

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If you are drinking to excess to deal with this you are probably self medicating. Your academic background did not prepare you for the anger and other emotions that have taken control of you. Just a little advice and you can take it for what it's worth, you get to control what you get angry with. Stop telling yourself it's Muslims, there are just too many who are not militant, gun toting terrorists, it's just not true.

I joined the military because it was expected of me and because I was furious and wanted to kill as many terrorists as I could see. And I got the chance and blew it by losing control of my anger, was I just feeding a dragon and joining for the wrong reasons? How do people work through the anger? I want to be a better husband and father, this [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] is messing everything up for me.

Thanks

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The only way terrorists lose is if they are finally understood to be criminals rather then freedom fighters and they can't provoke the vicious over reaction of their perceived enemies. That's what they want, they want you going off and ruining your peace and happiness. If you want to fight them effectively you have to come to realize that first of all it's nothing personal and secondly it's the criminal element in Islam who are the enemy, not the many decent law abiding ones.

I think you need some balance and perspective. Someone has to make a decision and you have to make it, are you going to let them push their anger into your heart making you more like them or beat them where it counts. My opinion is this, no victory no peace and no peace then there is no victory. In other words, you don't quit fighting until the victory is won and if you never know peace then you have not really won.

Grace and peace,
Mark

To those that are stuffing it in the closet, and going on. Eventually the closet will get to full, or the contents will expand, and the door will fly open and it will all come out at once.
You have to find time to clean out the closet, handle the emotions while you can deal with them safely. Those great women and children in your life, will one day not be able to calm you. The emotions will get to be to much.
Don't give up. Find someone to talk with. Open up too. If you can't do it, with the
professionals, then find someone that has been there, to release or defuse the emotions.
Post war, even post 9-11, people have PTSD. We all were hit hard that day. The world took on a different look to most people.(I had already been overseas, and knew how evil the world could be. But to see the rest of our nation realizing it, was the sad part.)
Try looking for returning Veterans groups, War by itself is rough to recover from. Through out every war, the veterans have always been trying to recover. Unfortunately, we still don't have the solution, but alot of people have found comfort in their comrades. Vietnam was a tough time for the military. Alot of them, sought out each other, out of necessity. (the nation didn't want to acknowlege the soldiers that were kept from winning the war.)
It turned out to be the best therapy. Not walking into a room, and forcing each other to open up. But being there to hear the problems, that they are having in life, after war. It does get into the closet, but it doesn't rip the door open.
Unfortunately, suicide does increase after war. The closet is destroyed, and the person finds peace, but it is the extreme cost. Don't give up, don't wait for this to happen. The ones you love, would be devestated. They love you, they want to help you, but can't. They might follow your path, and I am sure you don't want that.
Please find a way. Because you loved ones, want you home. They want you back, even though your mentally wounded by just surviving war, you are not dead. But they could be hurt by your emotional time bomb.
You have several crates of grenades in that closet. If they go off, they will hurt you, and everyone you love. We need to disarm them, for your safety, and those around you.
As someone else has said, The muslims aren't to blame. Its the religion that tells people there is no second guessing the human preist, in his interpretation of Islams word. Blind faith is the cause. Remember the good people you know. They are not terrorists. We cannot condemn all of the people for the acts of a few.
I will admit. If I met Bin Laden on the street, knew it was him, I would kill him the first chance I got. But the same is not true for any other Muslim. Remember who the enemy is. 9-11 they killed the generalization of America. Do we want to kill the
generalization of the Muslim?
Please,everyone returning, find a group. You might not think you need it. And you may not, but you might be able to help the desperate fellow to keep going. And I bet you might even find, that closet you have. And disarm those grenades you didn't know you had.
I wasn't in war, I was lucky to serve in peace time.(if you call terrorist bombing Europe, peacetime.) But I had that closet. I still find [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] coming out. I know the Vietnam veterans still have stuff in their closet, probably even the WWII Vets. We just need to deal with it, before it gets to dangerous.

He never posted back.
I hope we helped him.