Hi, this is my first post so I'll tell you a little bit about us. We have been together for 3 years, and we have known for that entire time that we would get married. We have a great relationship, but we have messed up.
We spent so much time getting to really know each other as friends before we were anything else (taking things so slowly) that we didn't realize how fast everything else would come once we started "going out". We have both always had a big belief in saving sex for marriage, however, we were naive and didn't realize just how hard that would be. We slowly started getting tempted, and we would decide that "just doing this" or "just doing that" would be okay... since its us. We knew how great of a relationship that we had, that we thought we were excused from the rule (which you have you understand where we're coming from, because all they ever talk about at church is how you shouldn't sleep around so that you will only be with your husband-we plan on marrying- or that you don't want a disease. They never mentioned very committed couples who met when they were young and therefore will have to wait about 6 years before they can marry).
So we started doing more and more, every few months or so I would feel guilty and say that we need to stop. He would feel like a total jerk and failure, we would both be upset, and then a few months later things would start again. Eventually, we got to the point that "everything but intercourse" is okay. I've felt guilty a few times more, said we "really are going to stop this time" and we never do.
This time, I honestly really want to. I know that in a few weeks (or less) I will be temped and suddenly not feel guilty.. but I need to realize that my guilt will ALWAYS come back, and that this is just not right. And we will most likely be married in 2-3 years, and as bad as this sounds, it's almost like we've had our fun and now we can just wait until then.
Problem is, every time I say that I want to stop, he gets mad. I'm not talking like anything serious, but obviously he gets annoyed and a little mad. This is understandable, considering the fact that I'm messing with him by saying it's okay and then deciding that it's not. I should have stood my ground from day one... but I didn't. I know how much harder this is for him since I DID give in, and now he's expected to stop.
Honestly, I don't have a problem waiting at all. I am a very self disciplined person, and when I saw I'm going to do something- I do. It's just that he will initiate it, and then it's just too much. What I'm saying is that if he felt the same way as me, then we could make it work. I just can't help it when he tries something. And then I feel too bad saying no.
It's funny, though, because in all honesty he's the "better Christian" our of the two of us. It's just for some reason he's convinced himself that what we're doing isn't wrong. It's the weirdest thing, because if I ever were to suggest that some other basic Christian principal was okay, he would be mortified. He just says that we love each other so much and we will always be together, so it's okay. And it doesn't help that I've agreed.
But I've decided (and have always known) that I just love the feeling of purity, and I just want to stop what we're doing (as a side note, it's not like this is something that takes over our relationship. It doesn't even happen that often). I know that "if he loves you he will respect you and wait", but you have to understand how hard it is for him since I keep changing my mind, right?
How can I convince him to want to stop/ how can I be able to completely put my foot down in the future?
We spent so much time getting to really know each other as friends before we were anything else (taking things so slowly) that we didn't realize how fast everything else would come once we started "going out". We have both always had a big belief in saving sex for marriage, however, we were naive and didn't realize just how hard that would be. We slowly started getting tempted, and we would decide that "just doing this" or "just doing that" would be okay... since its us. We knew how great of a relationship that we had, that we thought we were excused from the rule (which you have you understand where we're coming from, because all they ever talk about at church is how you shouldn't sleep around so that you will only be with your husband-we plan on marrying- or that you don't want a disease. They never mentioned very committed couples who met when they were young and therefore will have to wait about 6 years before they can marry).
So we started doing more and more, every few months or so I would feel guilty and say that we need to stop. He would feel like a total jerk and failure, we would both be upset, and then a few months later things would start again. Eventually, we got to the point that "everything but intercourse" is okay. I've felt guilty a few times more, said we "really are going to stop this time" and we never do.
This time, I honestly really want to. I know that in a few weeks (or less) I will be temped and suddenly not feel guilty.. but I need to realize that my guilt will ALWAYS come back, and that this is just not right. And we will most likely be married in 2-3 years, and as bad as this sounds, it's almost like we've had our fun and now we can just wait until then.
Problem is, every time I say that I want to stop, he gets mad. I'm not talking like anything serious, but obviously he gets annoyed and a little mad. This is understandable, considering the fact that I'm messing with him by saying it's okay and then deciding that it's not. I should have stood my ground from day one... but I didn't. I know how much harder this is for him since I DID give in, and now he's expected to stop.
Honestly, I don't have a problem waiting at all. I am a very self disciplined person, and when I saw I'm going to do something- I do. It's just that he will initiate it, and then it's just too much. What I'm saying is that if he felt the same way as me, then we could make it work. I just can't help it when he tries something. And then I feel too bad saying no.
It's funny, though, because in all honesty he's the "better Christian" our of the two of us. It's just for some reason he's convinced himself that what we're doing isn't wrong. It's the weirdest thing, because if I ever were to suggest that some other basic Christian principal was okay, he would be mortified. He just says that we love each other so much and we will always be together, so it's okay. And it doesn't help that I've agreed.
But I've decided (and have always known) that I just love the feeling of purity, and I just want to stop what we're doing (as a side note, it's not like this is something that takes over our relationship. It doesn't even happen that often). I know that "if he loves you he will respect you and wait", but you have to understand how hard it is for him since I keep changing my mind, right?
How can I convince him to want to stop/ how can I be able to completely put my foot down in the future?
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