Hi! I'm new to the forums and this is my first post. My husband and I are facing a very difficult situation in our lives and I could use some advice and guidance. Here is the story:
My husband and I have been together for over 2 years, married for 1 year. Before he and I met, his girlfriend found out she was pregnant with his child and she left him. To say the least, he was crushed. And shortly afterward, he started his life over. He got involved in church, was saved, and got baptized. A couple months later, he and I met and feel in love and were engaged shortly afterward. Everything was falling into place for us and we were a happy and devoted Christian couple. However, right before the baby was to be born, the mother of his child stepped back into his life claiming that she wanted him to be involved in the child's life. This was not a problem for me, for he had told me from the start about the situation and I was accepting of it.
However, over the past 21 months since the baby was born, things have not been well between us and her. She refused to allow us to have unsupervised visitations with the child even after he was plenty old enough to spend a few hours with us. She also would cause problems while we tried to visit with the child...constantly criticizing every little thing we did and even making false accusations against us. At one time she even started writing down in a notebook exactly what time we would show up, what time me left, and everything that was said and done during the visitation and then she would threaten to turn it over to the Office of Child Support to use against us if we ever tried to get partial custody (and by the way we do pay child support and have paid it since the child was born). It seemed to us that she was very jealous of our marriage and was trying to get back at my husband by causing conflict. It got to the point where it was more than we could handle, so we stopped going to the visitations and demanded UNSUPERVISED visits which she adamently refused to give us. She also told us that if we took the matter to court ad tried to get unsupervised weekend visitaitons, that she would fight it and that her "lawyer" told her that she would win. My husband and I have been stuck not knowing what to do for several months now...and we've had no contact with the child during this time (which we hardly had any contact with him to begin with). We pretty much have no relationship with the child and he does not even know who we are and is afraid of us...it's a really sad situation. Family members have told us that the best thing for us to do would be to give up our rights to the child because it would be more cruel to force the child to have visitations with us against his will than it would be for us to give him up and allow him to be happy without us. These family members have been through similar situations with their own children and say that they know from experience how heartbreaking it was for their children to be forced to go with a parent they did not know. Other people, however, have said that it would be wrong to give him up!
So here is the dilemma. We have only two choices...we can either take the mother to court and fight for visitation so we can have him as a part of our lives, or we can give up our rights to the child. It's a difficult decision to make because each choice comes with consequences and we could really use some advice on what would be in the best interest of the child. Please help us figure out the best way to handle this situation.
My husband and I have been together for over 2 years, married for 1 year. Before he and I met, his girlfriend found out she was pregnant with his child and she left him. To say the least, he was crushed. And shortly afterward, he started his life over. He got involved in church, was saved, and got baptized. A couple months later, he and I met and feel in love and were engaged shortly afterward. Everything was falling into place for us and we were a happy and devoted Christian couple. However, right before the baby was to be born, the mother of his child stepped back into his life claiming that she wanted him to be involved in the child's life. This was not a problem for me, for he had told me from the start about the situation and I was accepting of it.
However, over the past 21 months since the baby was born, things have not been well between us and her. She refused to allow us to have unsupervised visitations with the child even after he was plenty old enough to spend a few hours with us. She also would cause problems while we tried to visit with the child...constantly criticizing every little thing we did and even making false accusations against us. At one time she even started writing down in a notebook exactly what time we would show up, what time me left, and everything that was said and done during the visitation and then she would threaten to turn it over to the Office of Child Support to use against us if we ever tried to get partial custody (and by the way we do pay child support and have paid it since the child was born). It seemed to us that she was very jealous of our marriage and was trying to get back at my husband by causing conflict. It got to the point where it was more than we could handle, so we stopped going to the visitations and demanded UNSUPERVISED visits which she adamently refused to give us. She also told us that if we took the matter to court ad tried to get unsupervised weekend visitaitons, that she would fight it and that her "lawyer" told her that she would win. My husband and I have been stuck not knowing what to do for several months now...and we've had no contact with the child during this time (which we hardly had any contact with him to begin with). We pretty much have no relationship with the child and he does not even know who we are and is afraid of us...it's a really sad situation. Family members have told us that the best thing for us to do would be to give up our rights to the child because it would be more cruel to force the child to have visitations with us against his will than it would be for us to give him up and allow him to be happy without us. These family members have been through similar situations with their own children and say that they know from experience how heartbreaking it was for their children to be forced to go with a parent they did not know. Other people, however, have said that it would be wrong to give him up!
So here is the dilemma. We have only two choices...we can either take the mother to court and fight for visitation so we can have him as a part of our lives, or we can give up our rights to the child. It's a difficult decision to make because each choice comes with consequences and we could really use some advice on what would be in the best interest of the child. Please help us figure out the best way to handle this situation.
