Why are you looking for a relationship?

LostFound1986 said:

I do wish I was 18 again...

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Things were much more simple back then, lost..but aging increases our maturity as we agreed on,

Inkabink said:

Me too, Lost. In some ways, anyway. I wish I could be young and innocent, and do things right and conquer the world like I'd wanted to. But on the other hand, I wouldn't give up my son or the lessons of life I've learned for anything.

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Don't let a "number" keep you from reaching your dreams, Ink. It's never too late

LostFound1986 said:

I suppose you only get to be who you are through the experiences you encounter, whether they are good or bad. Its James, btw, the name Lost just keeps reminding me of the tv show!

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Hi James, nice to meet ya

StormKing said:

Don't let a "number" keep you from reaching your dreams, Ink. It's never too late

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Thanks I have moments of despairing, but I haven't given up yet.

What I want now is very similar to what I wanted when I was 20.

Well, I was much more focused on physics/etc aat 20, now I am much more interested in having a mate and raising a family... and trying to help people and society. So you could say I have changed a lot, or changed not all that much. So some of my goals have changed a lot, but the way I live my life has hardly changed at all.

I did have a couple of years where I drank heavily/spent my time playing games instead of doing physics. This almost got me out of graduate school. I made those choices because I was depressed and frustrated with what going on in my life. One of those things was the lack of a girlfriend and many friends, I did end up with many friends but no girlfriend (and looking back, I didn't need the girls I was chasing at the time).

Currently I am back to spending most of my time on physics. I am not as successful as I could have been... but I no longer wantto live my life for physics so hopefully that will be OK. Really all my frustration/etc was just cloaked by the alcohol and escapism. I am still frustrated with not having a girlfriend, am basically a failure at that. And once more I have few friends and feel negative about that.

But I think overall I am better off than my couple years of playing a fool. And I have started putting more effort into my Christian faith, which despite still being bumpy, is also a good thing.

JM
(I didn't drink at all until I was ~22.)

I think the main reason people fail so often at settling down is because they don't want to.

People use to want to... they wanted to get married and live an adult life. Now we just want to be kids until we are 40.

I don't think this is a good thing.

JM

ecuison said:

With all the threads about wanting to be in a relationship, or not being single, what is the motivation or need?

I have decided to lay back for a while and enjoy my life to the fullest. That's not to say that I couldn't do that with someone but I am in no need right now to be head first in an all out relationship where marriage would be shortly there after. After several attempts, I decided that the single life right now, is a better alternative.

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I'm just getting life going again yet, I still want a relationship. I'm not being tormented by being single but I'll never deny that I would love to be in something that was good with someone. The reason is because I just simply look forward to existing with someone.

JonMiller said:

I think the main reason people fail so often at settling down is because they don't want to.

People use to want to... they wanted to get married and live an adult life. Now we just want to be kids until we are 40.

I don't think this is a good thing.

JM

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High technology and career pressures are actually driving that. it is a cycle.

The two things that drove the technological revolution more than anything esle were war and entertainment.

Then technology demands that everyone have insane degrees of education just to get the most basic jobs. Almost everyone alive has ten times the education of anyone who took part in writing the Bible, other than perhaps Paul. Other than in language arts, a modern 5th grader has a superior education to almost anyone alive on the face of the earth in previous centuries.

Employers expect employees to basically be the next Isaac Newton or Einstein in their respective fields, and if they do not turn out to be such a person within a year or two, they get canned. If you do not invent something revolutionary, or do not show up to work religiously, and offer to fill in all vacancies, etc, then they don't want you.

We are a slave to our own desires and ambitions. We define wealth and hapiness by what we have, but in the Bible, wealth and hapiness is often defined by how little you need.

Job was the wealthiest man in the earth, and yet when everything he had, including his entire family and most of his servants were killed and destroyed, he gets on his face before God and starts praising God. "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

What do we do? We want more, more, more. Kill ourselves and one another for one more dollar, and like I said, we aren't happy when we have it anyway.

It starts as a spiritual problem. If Christians really were Christians and have the Fruit of the Spirit, then they would not be so driven to have the things of the world.

Do you realize how stupid much of our modern economy actually is? You go to work 40-50 hours per week to pay for a car....so you can get back to work...Perhaps as a teen, the car was a goal, as was the girl you thought you could get by having a nice car. Well, you got the car, probably found out it didn't help you get a decent girl anyway, but now you spend half your lifetime working to pay for the car note and insurance, most of this transportation need being artificial, and the other half working to pay for your other expenses, many of which are artificial as well. It was an idol. It was the "care of the world". It steals our lives one day at a time, 8-12 hours per day, not counting commutes and other time consuming aspects of the "career".

Do you realize that if you work 10-20 hours per week in a garden in your back yard, say ~1/10 of an acre, you can grow more food than a family of 3 or 4 can possibly eat in a year, and will have to give or sell most of it because you will run out of room in the freezer? I know, because I still live at home with my mother and step father, and they have so many vegetables they have 3 freezers stocked off 1/10 of an acre and have given away vegetables for free by the bucket loads.

What is the point? Well, the "40 year old child" statement you made is a result of the technology basically requiring an obscene amount of educations. We require (most) of the technology because we are idolators and basically worship certain things which "cost money". Since these things have arbitrary values that are almost entirely demand driven, then the price is set by your willingness to pay: entertainment, most automobiles, excessive lightings and decor in the household, excessive jewelry for the "delicate woman" at home, etc. (idolatry, covetousness).

Our so-called economy is measured by the "demand" for all of this crap, and when you examine it for its "real" intrinsic value, it is all 100% worthless. We pay circus clowns (i.e. actors and atheletes,) dozens or hundreds of times as much money as we pay doctors, farmers, or construction workers, and those are the most important fields in civilization. Why? Idolatry!

I'm rambling now, but its true. Your preacher hasn't done a good enough job, reader! You and I are slaves in our own modern egypt, being told to build bricks without straw. Our own idolatry and covetousness puts social and economic pressures on us which are unreasonable.

Even in the ancient world, people did not work as hard as we do today. Even a slave in egypt obviously had "quality time" with his wife, as they all seem to have had ten kids and spent a lot of time dancing and getting drunk and getting into trouble whatever way they could find. But in America, the "homoe of the free," everybody works all day long every day and can't afford to raise a family of 2 or 3 kids. Why? Egypt, friend, egypt.

Not really looking for a relationship. If I come across one, thats great. But it's not really a focus of mine. I'm too young lol.

ecuison said:

With all the threads about wanting to be in a relationship, or not being single, what is the motivation or need?

I have decided to lay back for a while and enjoy my life to the fullest. That's not to say that I couldn't do that with someone but I am in no need right now to be head first in an all out relationship where marriage would be shortly there after. After several attempts, I decided that the single life right now, is a better alternative.

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in me: when i get the girl i want, there are qualities in me that are developed in me as a man for that woman to be attracted to me... that is my motivation

So I can stop thinking about ____ so much and get on with life, lol..

JesusIsTheOnlyWay said:

I totally, 100% disagree with this statement. I realize you are just quoting someone, but that has got to be one of the most unchristian statements I have ever seen about "love".

Jesus Christ loved us, and calls us his "bride," and he DOES know us for who we really are. He really sees us for who we are, and yet loves us.

"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. "

Also, I would say that the book of Hosea really shoots this in the head, because God gave the prophet the grace and love to go marry a woman he knew ahead of time was a harlot and was going to cheat on him....repeatedly, and he still loved her before, during, and afterwards.



If I can only love someone because of a "mask" they wear, whehter physical, social, moral, etc, then I do not have biblical love, I have lust. They likewise do not have integrity or love if they feel compelled to pretend or to fantasize, or place unrealistic demands upon me, or vice versa.

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My understanding of that point is that romantic love isn't healthy.

We are called to love our spouse as our own body. There isn't suppose to be some special romantic love towards our spouse.

JM

GQ Chris said:

So I can stop thinking about ____ so much and get on with life, lol..

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Same here.

I just love the idea of having that person to share life's experiences with, enjoying life the way God intended us to, look back on them years later and talk about them, continue sharing life's experiences, and all the while ______ ___.

EazyMack said:

Same here.

I just love the idea of having that person to share life's experiences with, enjoying life the way God intended us to, look back on them years later and talk about them, continue sharing life's experiences, and all the while ______ ___.

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Holy wow... all the while??!?


And I thought I had a high sex drive...

Well I mean, you know, taking breaks to sleep and maybe go to dinner now and then.

EazyMack said:

Well I mean, you know, taking breaks to sleep and maybe go to dinner now and then.

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LOL oh ok

Of course I'm referring to the relationship of marriage, in case a disclaimer was needed.

EazyMack said:

Of course I'm referring to the relationship of marriage, in case a disclaimer was needed.

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LOL You know you're a Christian when....



- Marriage never even has to be implied (it's ASSUMED!).

That's the reason for the delayed disclaimer.

Besides, you know what happens when you assume.