Grieving the Holy Spirit to the point that he Withdraws

Guys, I stared this thread in the OCD forum and I need some more help with this question please.

From what I understand a person who is not saved can grieve the Holy Spirit enough that one day unless that person gets saved the Holy Spirit will finally withdraw from that person never to convict them to salvation ever again. Making that person condemned forever both before death and after death.


Here is my problem, I am 35yrs old, I grew up in church all my life. I went to a christian school and then off to Bible college, my privleges to get it right with the Lord were better than what most get.


The problem is that I think I was saved when I was 10 but im not really sure if it was real because I cant remember all the details. However I have lived a terrible life of sin with an addiction to inappropriate contentography and touching yourself (stayed this way for 8yrs with little concern over what I was doing). I, Like most people figured my days to repent were plenty and I had all the time in the world to get saved. Well one day, (after years of sitting in church with no conviction of my sins I started to think about the rapture,) I started thinking about it in a serious way and it bothered me a bit. I became afraid and then it dawned on me that I had never truly accepted Christ as my savior (even though I had known that for years) and I could get left behind while all my loved ones who are saved go to Heaven.

Then the horror really set in when I realized that years have passed me by since the last time I felt the Spirit drawing me. The next day I went to my father in laws house who is a decon at my church. I was afraid somewhat and numb feeling inside, I started crying and told him I had never been truly saved.

We talked about it for a minute and then I said the sinners prayer, It just felt like it was way to late for me even as I was praying, I was doubting that God even heard this prayer since I was doubting that the Holy Spirit was involved at all with this conversion.


This happened back in November, and here we are today in March and my doubts are still here, as well as the fear of being forever lost.

DIANAC said:

Hi!
I see your post as a good news.
You were convicted of sin and you repented. Holy Spirit convicts us of sin and God grants us repentance. Satan however accuses us and works through our emotions.
Why won't you walk forward at this point? If any sin that you need to address, try to do it with a godly counsel within the church.

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Hi, thanks for your input. You see though, Im not sure if I was convicted of my sins as much as I was afraid of being left behind.

I sinned like this for so many years and for so many hours a day that it just didnt really bother me that much anymore and as bad as it sounds satan had me believing that these sins were ok with God.


Im scared that I grieved the spirit away because of the length of time that I went with this sin without really repenting. I would willingly do this stuff and it seemed like there was nothing holding me back.

DIANAC said:

How about now? Do you still struggle with it?

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I have not touched it in months but im not sure if its out of guilt for because Im really saved.


Im afraid that this happened to me-

Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.
For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears."
Selah! He found no grace, though he sought it with tears. Likewise Judas wept bitterly afterward, but found no place for repentance. These sins were unforgivable. God never gave them true repentance unto salvation. These are examples, profound warnings to the Covenant body against apostasy and tempting the Lord our God. We cannot sell out our birthright, we cannot apostasize to turn again to serve Satan, and think that we will be renewed again unto repentance.




Hebrews 10:26-27 "For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries."
Hebrews 10:29 "How much worse punishment do you think will be deserved by those who have spurned the Son of God, profaned the blood of the covenant by which they were sanctified, and outraged the Spirit?" Forgiveness can only be given to those who seek it and then repent, not to those who knowingly trample upon the truths and desires of God. The intentional contempt of the Holy Spirit, who is trying to bring Jesus Christ into a person's life, is a potentially fatal attitude to have.

Guys I am at wits end, im tired of hurting inside, I cry all the time and my heart is breaking. I have asked God to forgive and save me so many times but the burden on my heart is still here. It seems like his face has been hidden from me forever because of my sins. I bear none of the fruits that a person with the Holy Spirit has, love, peace, joy.

Im always afraid, I dread his second coming because im almost certain of what my end is going to be. Oh if I could go back in time I would do things so different, I regret my past as I have ruined my soul beyond repair as God has given me over to the lust of my desires. What a nightmare, wake up and realize that you have not felt or heard his calling in years! then out of desperation you seek his salvation but are unable to recieve it.

The children of Israel is a good example of how not to tempt the Lord too many times because just after than 10th time (the Lord swore unto himself that they would never enter his rest!) I believe this can still happen to people on this earth today, when Lot went out of soddom and gamorah then they cried out to the Lord but it was to late!

These are two examples of waiting to long to cry out to God, it can happen way before you reach the grave.


This happened to me, I continued in a lifestyle of willful sin without fearing the Lord until I finally crossed that point of no return where the Lord said, Enough! Leave him alone Spirit! I swear he shall never enter my rest!


My heart is so hard I dont even know how to be sorry for my sins and all the vain tears in the world will not bring it back. People please take it from me, today if you hear his voice dont harden your hearts!

Today if he is knocking invite him in! dont put it off like I did waiting on a convienient time to come because if you harden your hearts too much that time will never come! Instead you may wake up as I did only to realize that you slept right through your day of grace without even realizing it until it was too late.

tamtam92 said:

You might suffer for a long time. I hope for you it will be short and you'll find peace and joy in the Redeemer. He doesn't reject those who come to Him.

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I have been like this since last November and I keep going down hill. I came to God out of the fear of being left behind in the rapture and it seemed like when I was praying to him he was mocking me and rejecting me. My heart grew so hard that by the time I realized it I found it hard to feel true sorrow for my sins. I dont know if its that I regret what I have done to myself or if I am truly sorry.




"Then My anger will be kindled against them in that day, and I will forsake them and hide My face from them, and they will be consumed, and many evils and troubles will come upon them; so that they will say in that day, 'Is it not because our God is not among us that these evils have come upon us?'

Psalm 18:41 They cried for help, but there was none to save, Even to the LORD, but He did not answer them.
Proverbs 1:28 "Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me,
Isaiah 1:15 "So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood.
Isaiah 3:11 Woe to the wicked! It will go badly with him, For what he deserves will be done to him.
Isaiah 59:2 But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear. Jeremiah 11:11 Therefore thus says the LORD, "Behold I am bringing disaster on them which they will not be able to escape; though they will cry to Me, yet I will not listen to them.

eliems said:

RobertZ, From what I am reading there is little doubt that you are a Heaven Bound child of God. It is not our righteousness (or lack there-of) that wins our Salvation and you know that! Only the finished work on the cross as Christ died for all of us sinners.

It is by Grace that you are saved through Faith ... and not by works (good or bad). Faith is the evidence of things unseen, the substance of things hoped for. Look at the evidence in this thread as you have expressed your confidence that Jesus is coming back!

If you believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord (do you?) and confess with your lips that God has raised Him from the dead (have you?) you shall be saved.

Your problem is one of assurance and this assurance grows with the intensity of a Spirit filled life. So get your butt over to the pastor and ask how you can get involved in ministry (according to your gifts) and watch as the Holy Spirit accomplishes good works that He has prepared for you to do. As He empowers your ministry you will grow in assurance about your salvation and your place in the rapture! Make sense?

We so often forget that God is in the business of saving people. If we want more of His Grace in our lives then we need to be about His business.

In Him,
Greg.

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Thanks Greg, that was a helpful post. I guess I just dont understand why I feel so empty inside....I mean here lately im sad all the time and cry a whole lot. Sometimes I feel like my soul itself has died.

How can I be sure that I really did not grieve away the Holy Spirit? I mean I went for years without feeling anymore conviction over my sins or any real concern to get saved. Isnt that a sign that the Holy Spirit left me because of all the years of no conviction or concern?

Its like I wasnt to concerned about any of this until I started to fear being left behind in the rapture and I just dont see how that was Gods Holy Spirit calling me back?

Jerrell said:

Ps 111:10The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom:

Different things open our eyes Robert. No one ever said that everyone must feel the holy spirit moving to cause them to come back to God. Everyone has their own testimony, their own unique thing that happens that brings them to God. You have realized your sin, now you msut make sure that you realize that you need salvation not because you are afraid to be left behind but because of the love that God has for you and because of the fact that he died for you.

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Yeah I know what you mean, its just that the Holy Spirit cant be left out in the conversion since it is him that convicts and brings you salvation. I guess if I just knew for certain that it was the Holy Spirit which instigated me to go to the Lord for salvation I would feel much better.

So is it safe to say that If I had greived away the Holy Spirit completely that I would not be concerned about my soul for any reason whatsoever? Or if God had given me up I would not be concerned for any reason whatsoever?

The only thing now that bothers me is that I have been reading a bit on Godly sorrow vs Wordly sorrow and it would seem that me being scared of being left behind in the rapture would be more of a worldly sorrow because of the penalty that I would pay for my sins vs if my first concerns were feeling deep remorse over my actual sins that I commited and the fact that I knew I had hurt a perfect God.


I was so dull and numb in my sins that im not sure that I felt genuin regret over them and that is what bothers me because I know that God will not accept anything less than that before he grants salvation.