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sex and relationship

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grassangel

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I was abused sexually as a kid and teen, and now i still enjoy sex but not always, but i want to do it with strangers.........i m not sure if i need a real serious relationship, but same time i want a family love a warm family.....so i really dont know what to do now.....
I really dont understand the sex and why a man and woman needs to get married etc.
 

Johnnz

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You have been sexually awakened by your abuse.

Sex is part of being human, and being human is recognising that we are made in God's image. Thus, sex is not just an activity but something that enables two people to express the kind of relationship that only humans can create, one that can mirror God's own relationship with us.

John
NZ
 
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hisbloodformysins

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I was abused sexually as a kid and teen, and now i still enjoy sex but not always, but i want to do it with strangers.........i m not sure if i need a real serious relationship, but same time i want a family love a warm family.....so i really dont know what to do now.....
I really dont understand the sex and why a man and woman needs to get married etc.


Being a person with a permiscous past and some incestual sexual misuse I can say that I can relate. I learned early on that I liked sex, it made me feel wanted and so forth.

But now that i'm married I have to say that there are some mental/emotional issues because of it like times when I feel used and unloved when my husband is in the mood to be intimate with me. And when sex becomes just about the act and not about true intimacy.

The truth is my dear is that when you engage in sexual relationships when there is not the mature commitment of marriage.. regardless of intentions or vain promises... you become damaged. You learn that your only value is in sex and that you can be easily traded.

You need to respect yourself enough to expect respect from others, and although it's somewhat natural to want to have sex, God made us sexual beings, and also you'll want it more in some ways when you've been abused sexually.... it just seems to happen that way, it did for me. It's not what you really need.

My suggestion to you is to take this to the lord and ask him to help you become intune with what you really need and are feeling especially about sexual activity. Ask him to help you have a healthy mindset/feeling about it so that when you do get married you'll be healthy, and you might marry someone healthy for you that won't treat you like a piece of meat and that will have their own demons dealt with.

I hope this helps.

HB
 
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DZoolander

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<staff edit>

Sexual feelings are simply part of being human - and you are experiencing those feelings. However - you have a past where trust and true intimacy may be difficult to achieve - and you may have problems with those emotions.

You may also have control issues. With a stranger - you get to essentially control whether or not it happens. It's on your terms - with no expectations for future involvement required. You'll never have a partner nudging you in the back at 2am and telling you that it's been a week since last time...trying to coax a quickie out of you. You don't have to deal with partners who may "expect" things from you.

Who knows. It could be a variety of things.

Are you seeing anyone to deal with the past abuse issues?
 
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RedTulipMom

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Get some christian counseling before getting into a relationship. Don't continue having sex outside of marriage you are only damaging yourself further. I know this from experience. Someday you will regret EVERY sexual relationship you ever had. I was sexually abused when i was young and i also had sexual relationships trying to find LOVE. Love isnt found in SEX..its a lie. Respect yourself and love yourself enough to get help. Counseling is what you need right now, not pre-marital sex. Until you have proper counseling you won't be ready for true intimacy in marriage. hugs.
 
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snoochface

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Thank u all so much, actually i v talked to counselors, and already make a lot progress, just sometimes hard to find a right one.
If I meet a man who loves me, can I talk these issues to him?

Reframe that question. If you find a man who loves you, and you can't talk about these issues with him, then that isn't the man you should be with. You absolutely must be able to talk about these things with anyone you plan to spend a lifetime with.
 
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grassangel

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Reframe that question. If you find a man who loves you, and you can't talk about these issues with him, then that isn't the man you should be with. You absolutely must be able to talk about these things with anyone you plan to spend a lifetime with.
I v tried to tell a little but he seemed unhappy ,and I m so afraid to lose the love.....but each time we get closer it makes me want to discuss those more and more.....
 
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snoochface

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I v tried to tell a little but he seemed unhappy ,and I m so afraid to lose the love.....but each time we get closer it makes me want to discuss those more and more.....

He might have been unhappy, but not for the reason you're thinking. If someone I loved told me things like this, I would feel compassion for them, I would be sad for them, that they had to go through these traumatic events, and I would be unhappy.

But I wouldn't be unhappy with the person I love, I would be unhappy for the person I love.

If you are planning a lifetime commitment with this person, you have to be able to talk about these kinds of things. You will want, need, and deserve his support as you face the issues that will come up because of these events (emotions spring up when you least expect them). And he will need to know the person he is getting involved with too. It would be unfair to him to hide these big issues from him.

Did you ask him about his looking unhappy to see what he might have been feeling?

I have to reiterate, if you find that you cannot talk to him about important issues like this, maybe this isn't the right guy for you...
 
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