A place for the weary, a resting place..yes, that's what this thread is..
hi to all. Just checking in. I've read back a few pages, trying to keep up. Seems like a lot has been happening in your lives that I've not been aware of..I've been so busy, but yet not busy. I don't know if that makes sense or not. It seems this semester of school is a very different animal..hmm..speaking of animals..I dreamed of a giraffe, a miniature black orangatang (sp?), a dog, and a puppy..The puppy was one that kept causing me problems, and would sneak up on my porch to eat my other pet's food. That puppy saw me peek out the window and ran flying and falling down the huge set of stairs, and fell on it's belly, floundered around, but eventually got up and ran away. The mama dog just looked at me..I know there's something there that I am missing..strange dreams, especially when the giraffe leaned over and I rubbed it's head just like I would a cat..lol.
I think I create my own stress, or allow the devil to do so. I give in to him way too easy. I run from God's nudges and whispers, and fail to stop and face what he's trying to tell me..and I'm trying to stop that. But, I have a dilemma, girls. One that I truly need to know what God's will is.
I have shared a bit from time to time about my church situation. I have had problem after problem come up there, and each year it seems it is something different. Am I happy there? no, not really. I feel I'm stuck spiritually, and emotionally. My daughter isn't being fed either. I mean, the people are wonderful and all, but something is missing. She is 12, and they have all the kids from 5 to 13 lumped together on Sunday mornings. Trying to teach them all the same, on the same level. you can't do that..if you try to teach a 5 year old on their level, you lose the 12 year old. .anyway..
I've tried to leave this church over the years but I always seem to come back. I've been there for 10 years. I really miss the old pastor, he's been gone now for about 7 years now, and the current one has been there for 6. lol, maybe he's been gone for 8 years..anyway, he's not there anymore..
So, I became friends with this new Pastor and his wife, we hit it off great in the beginning,..but something happened a few months in to the relationship when a friend of mine began hanging out with the pw, and things have not been the same. never..but yet pw and I know there's a bond between us that is like sisters. (just some background)..this friend has been in my life for 36 yrs. and she's hurt me, accused me of things, never has time for me, never remembers my bday, told me at Christmas time she had forgotten to buy me a gift but I could have that purse in the corner if I wanted it I(which I just smiled and said that's ok, that's not why I am here), etc..I could go on and on. I've worked hard over the years to forgive and forget, yet it continues to repeat. So,she joined this church with me at the same time. we went through membership classes together and everything. She's married, though. I am not, she and her husband are delegates (or were last year, not sure of this year), and she's the head of the Women's ministry.
The pw has asked me to do the mother daughter banquet this year. theme, deco, all of it..so I agreed because God did give me the theme and I ran it by the pw and she agreed it was God. I then find out the wm has ceased to exist except for 2 times a year. mother daughter banquet and the christmas gift exchange. the other times of the year we are not meeting. This was decided without the input of others.
Well, I go to church on Wednesday night forgetting it was the business meeting, and there was no kids service that evening. I asked someone to sign in for me because I had burnt my hand and had ointment on it, but imagine my surprise when I see my name is not on the "list" of members. I turned around, we are in the foyer, and asked pw why? She (and I thought she was joking) said the secretary had told her (and she was standing there too) I wasn't a member anymore. I said, "what?!!, I'm not a member?! since when?" the secretary said I don't know, you're not on my list. I said what list? I don't know, your name is not on my list..shaking her head. I felt like I had been punched in my stomach. I said, oh well, guess I'm not a member of my own church now, and can't sign in..alrighty then..I was in pain and about to cry anyway..steam burn on 3 fingers. So I go sit down in the sanctuary. The pastor comes over to me a bit later and asked to speak with me, and sits down and said he noticed I had not been a member there for over 2 years. I'm like why did anyone not say anything to me? He said he did not know, and I told him I had not requested that I be removed. he said evidently when you leave for awhile for a certain period of time, your name is removed. The only time I could remember was back in 2005 when I left because of my friend hurting me over and over and I could not deal with seeing her praising God each service and ignoring what was happening with us, and was gone for about 6 months or so. But I came back, and I get newsletters, I'm in the church directory, etc. he said I can't add you back tonight, we'll probably just need a letter from you asking it be reinstated. he apologized and I coudl see he felt awkward and sorry. Then he said when they divided the church between members and non members I'd have to move to the nm section that night. I was so humiliated. and confused..So,..during praise and worship I decided to go to the nusery to avoid it..I thought I'd receive a call about it the next day or at least on Friday on what to do, but I didn't. and I did not call myself either. because tbh, I'm still kind of reeling from it..
Either God has a great plan for me in that church, and the devil is trying his best to take me out, or He's trying His best to tell me to leave. and I'm just not getting it..
So, I pray you al don't take this as whining, but will you pray and if the Lord leads, offer Godly counsel and advice for me?
Cindy and RAL, I love you both dearly and you're always a part of my thoughts and prayers. Sometimes the Lord lays you heavily upon my heart, and I know something is going on. I know I've seen pics of you, but when I think of you I see that little avatar, and I know something is going on, so I'll whisper a prayer on your behalf. I may not make it here hardly ever anymore, but I'm making some changes, and should be able to come more than I have been. I feel like it's almost been a one sided relationship, with you all giving more than I have, and I hate that. and I'm sorry. I will try to be a better friend..
I, too, have had a lot to deal with irl. My brother is out of the hospital, but I don't think he's better. I know he's not because he called me the other day for the first time and that tone was in his voice again, and I still think he's right on the edge and could do something dangerous to himself or others, but no one else sees it and his wife left him back in the first week of January. she left their 14 year old son with him in the condition he's in, and that was such a mistake..
but she won't come back. I almost cannot blame her, but she really should not have left him in the state he was in..my other brothers will not talk to me either ..we were not together for Christmas for the first time since I was 11. I could not even go to my parents house..So alot has been happening too, but it's still no reason that i cannot check in with you all and offer my friendship when you're down too..
anyway, enough rambling..
love you all
lisa