Life as a Single ~ Is it a joke... or an oxymoron?

Being single definitely has many good points and I don't think it should be seen as a waiting stage or not as good as being a couple. In fact, there are one or two people I quite like but I often just think..."its such a hassle! I'm pretty happy as I am!" Other times though I don't think that and if I met the right person it wouldn't be a hassle I don't think.

white dove said:

I think one of the common misconceptions of singlehood is that your life doesn't technically begin until you either: a) have children or b) get married. Grant it, I believe that both of those things can be wonderful responsibilities and that life after them can be quite different from the life that preceded it. Priorities start shifting and a newer set of values start to take shape. However, that being said, I believe that single people do have priorities of their own and not every single person is hung up on the last date they were on and who's next. I don't believe that the single life = the selfish life.


Do you ever feel that the single life is unjustifiable to those who no longer fall into this category? Should singlehood be treated, as so many tend to, as a disease that should be cured? (ie. blind date set-ups, "When will you get married?", "Aww, don't worry, it'll happen for you." Really? Wow, thanks... I was so worried.)

Or, should single people own up to the fact that they are simply married hopefuls in the waiting and nothing more?

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I see more singles treating singledom as a curse or disease than I do any of our married counterparts. I have had friends who were newly in relationships "encourage" me by saying that "there is someone out there for me, too" - but I see that as them being deliriously happy and wanting to spread the joy...even if their words are kind of insensitive.

Here on CF, it is more common to see someone complain about being single than it is to see them talk about the other things that occupy their time and enrich their lives. It's pretty depressing and almost impossible for me to relate to, b/c I don't feel like my marital status is what defines me as a person.

I think that maybe its because for the majority of people, when you get married or have kids you do it at a time which means that it takes up a bigger percentage of your adult life, so it seems more important, that the single part is a small part of the whole, although it seems very very long at the time.

What like the neighbours think I'm gay, when just because they never see me with a woman, do I appear with a man, no, duh, go figure, anyway, instead of me for a change, lets hear from Paul, hmm, if I can find it, lol:

Actually, found this, looks interesting:

Question: "What does the Bible say about a Christian staying single?"

Answer: The question of a Christian staying single and what the Bible says about believers never marrying is often misunderstood. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” Notice that he says some have the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Although it seems that nearly everyone marries, it is not necessarily God's will for everyone. Paul, for example, did not have to worry about the extra problems and stresses that come with marriage and/or family. He devoted his entire life to spreading the Word of God. He could not have been such a useful messenger to all of us if he had been married.

On the other hand, some people do better as a team, serving God as a couple and a family. Both kinds of people are equally important. It is not a sin to remain single, even for an entire lifetime. The most important things in life are not in finding a mate and having children, but serving God. We should educate ourselves on the Word of God by reading our Bibles and praying, forming that personal relationship with Him that is so necessary for our salvation (John 17:3). If we ask God to reveal Himself to us, He will respond (Matthew 7:7), and if we ask Him to use us to fulfill His good works, He will do that, too (Ephesians 2:10), whether we are single or married.

http://www.gotquestions.org/single-Christian.html

As for me, have no choice, as said before, too late now, stuck as I am and I have this feeling all the time, that if in the last days, need to be concentrating on that.
Soon as some woman is on the scene on the net, I'm all her first and my site second, which is wrong.

I used to hate it that women said on their profiles I want a man that puts God first.

I used to ask my cousin about it, don't know he would say, have to ask them, cause everyone has different ideas of what they want.

I mean if we watching something on TV, all nice and cosey and cuddled up together, don't want to suddenly hear, 'No come on, 8pm we must go upstairs and pray, and bow down again, every night.' Ritual.
Or because I miss a Sunday at church to get bagged for it.

Having said that, later on realized it has to be and I'm sometimes the one if I sense she is bit, you know, pushing for God, lol.
Because I know without Him in it, won't work at all, puts spanners in the works, so rather have Christ in it.

Then you get the ones, can tell are new to Christianity, or don't take it that serious, say, Christ in the centre of their lives.

Anyway, all food for thought, what was the question again, lol, LOL.
(duh), well you know my memory, something to do with being single and loving it, lol, yeah, hmm, yes and no, freedom great, I decide what goes on my site and when and in control, no arguments, no delays.
But lonely as hell, why God make me so physical, were not for craving affection, not bother me at all who needs women, no offense I'd be sorted and well happy.

But I miss not having anyone to cry with, laugh with, hold her hand, chat for hours with, cuddle with, bathe with, when married of course, lol, so much more.
Anyway, go figure, cause not gonna happen, so game over, next question, lol.

Oh and one more thing, not saying Christians, but often we want to fit in, feel left out, when half the time it's the married ones jealous of us, serious, lol, worldly anyway, like I say not genuine true born again spirit filled loving, in love Christians.

white dove said:

Sometimes, it's hard to look at many of the threads here because some of them are either so pointless or filled with pity-party shenanigans. (I'm a big fan of the word "shenanigans," sorry ) I know that single people have thoughts, ideas, passions and works that deserve recognition, but sometimes I think we fall victim to the stereotypes which we hate. Maybe we just slowly start to believe what society tells us; that if you are not married or a parent, you're kind of not even a real human being who can offer anything real to this world. If you're not a parent, you're not contributing. (What would it be like if I were a 75-yr old woman telling you this? How would society, which is to say my peers, view me?)

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Yeah, we often tend to focus on what is missing from our lives instead of what we've already been blessed with, eh? Shenanigans. IDK, my grandma - who is 80 and very old school - is the only person that really gives me any grief about being single. Maybe I am different since I have kids and am living "half" the American dream - but I don't really feel any pressure to change my status. I think, too, most of the people who know me well and know what I've been through in the last several years know better than to push the issue of my singleness. lol

I see this, too. And it makes me laugh, honestly. I find that the ones who are in the worst relationships are the ones that want to see me sporting a diamond ring on my right hand. I'm like, "I can do fine on my own, thanks.." It sometimes doesn't occur to people that you can be deliriously happy by yourself, as well.

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Misery loves company.

I don't see singleness as bad.

Married, engaged, dating, single........we're all people.

singlehood is not a disease that needs to be cured. Far from it. Christ was single, Paul(apparently eventually) was single. singlehood can be a great blessing even outside of Christianity. It definitely allows you to do more with your life than if you're oblgated to be with and care for your spouse and any children.

I know I would rather be single than in a loveless or abusive relationship. marriage isn't the be-all and end-all of life. It *can* be a wonderful blessing, and it *can* be wonderful opportunity to minister with your spouse. but its not a requirement to marry and it does annoy how much marriage is stressed in this culture and especially inside the church as the most important thing you could ever do and therefore is an absolute requirement.

white dove said:

I'm not a single mom, so I can't say with certainty what you go through, but based on what you've said, it's almost like the battle is "half-won" in that, at least you are a mother. I think (or would think) more kudos would go out to you than ones like me who do not yet have. Though, where you might have more leniency, I might have in other areas you do not. So, we're both in the same river, just not the exact same boat.

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Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade the mancubs for ANYthing... But, being a single parent is not easy. I think that being single or being a single parent definitely comes with its own set of challenges. I will say, tho, that the companionship of a child/children - while rewarding in its own way - is no substitute for the companionship of an SO.

Obviously, but least you get to hug your kids, mind you got my cat if that counts and she does tend to get a mauling, poor thing, anyway, lol.

Further, re-add, but yeah no substitute for having someone that you can, you know, totally different, I agree.

Lee.

little_tigress said:

I know I would rather be single than in a loveless or abusive relationship.

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Amen.

i used to be completely incapable of happiness being a single. medication might be changing that a little, but i still feel fundamentally unwhole. i cannot fully be myself without a mate. i dont think life starts when singleness ends, but i cannot enjoy the rest of my life while feeling so incomplete. this is not the case with a lot of people, perhaps even most people, so i cant speak as to the condition of others. theres just a void that nothing else fills, and i feel it all the time.

white dove said:

I think one of the common misconceptions of singlehood is that your life doesn't technically begin until you either: a) have children or b) get married. Grant it, I believe that both of those things can be wonderful responsibilities and that life after them can be quite different from the life that preceded it. Priorities start shifting and a newer set of values start to take shape. However, that being said, I believe that single people do have priorities of their own and not every single person is hung up on the last date they were on and who's next. I don't believe that the single life = the selfish life.


Do you ever feel that the single life is unjustifiable to those who no longer fall into this category? Should singlehood be treated, as so many tend to, as a disease that should be cured? (ie. blind date set-ups, "When will youReally? Wow, thanks... I was so worried.)

Or, should single people own up to the fact that they are simply married hopefuls in the waiting and nothing more? get married?", "Aww, don't worry, it'll happen for you."

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This, for me, is impossible to answer specifically. There is just no answer that fits for everyone, universally. I mean even as we study the things that Paul wrote about it, he puts it in balance, and I think that the Lord administers those passages to each person in a unique way. However, to the discredit of some, ..I’ve seen those things taught out of balance, but be it as it may, the Lord will do his work for the betterment of each individual as His purpose fulfills.

So to one person, marry, yet to another, wait/don’t, and for those that judge/encourage inaccurately, well let the Lord deal with their issues as He will. I mean, that is really something that each person needs to individually seek out - answers from the Lord concerning such things for their life and the lives that they effect. All we as individuals can only but do is point towards seeking Him, ultimately. Takes a lot of effort; whole heart concerning each individual heart.

white dove said:

I know that single people have thoughts, ideas, passions and works that deserve recognition, but sometimes I think we fall victim to the stereotypes which we hate. Maybe we just slowly start to believe what society tells us; that if you are not married or a parent, you're kind of not even a real human being who can offer anything real to this world. If you're not a parent, you're not contributing. (What would it be like if I were a 75-yr old woman telling you this? How would society, which is to say my peers, view me?)

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I completely agree. Most of the time I am really happy being single, but I feel like I am not taken as seriously in RL and online because I'm not married and don't have kids. I find it to be a problem at places I have worked and, most strongly, at churches I have gone to. If I was married or a single mother, I'm pretty sure I would be seen as more of an adult than I currently am because married women and single mothers my age appear to be treated very differently. The attitude I get is one of "oh, you need to stop playing like a child with your life and grow up by getting married and having kids." It's kind of frustrating. Then there are days when I start to feel like less of person because I'm not married; I shake myself out of that pretty quickly though.

wallaby said:

i used to be completely incapable of happiness being a single. medication might be changing that a little, but i still feel fundamentally unwhole. i cannot fully be myself without a mate. i dont think life starts when singleness ends, but i cannot enjoy the rest of my life while feeling so incomplete. this is not the case with a lot of people, perhaps even most people, so i cant speak as to the condition of others. theres just a void that nothing else fills, and i feel it all the time.

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In the midst of beginning of the end of my marriage, I sought the advice and counsel of a few good friends. One of them brought up a very good point. There are certain things that we should not rely on a spouse for. Our happiness is one of them. It took me some time to really understand what she was saying. She wasn't saying that our spouses couldn't make us happy. She was saying that they shouldn't be the original and sole source of our happiness.

In my situation, it was my ex who relied on me for his happiness and it made *my* life miserable.

I think too many relationships end up in despair b/c one or both partners rely on the other for their happiness.

JMHO