Am I the only normal parent out of my friends (need advice).

chava

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I really need some advice on how to deal with my three friends. The first being Samantha. She doesn't come around when my son is with me because she (and I have personally witnessed) her slapping her two year old daughter across the face and leaving a bruise. I called children services and the police right after the incident (which happened in my own home) and children services called her to tell her when they would be out to inspect her home and her child (a month after the incident.). The police simply took a report. The worst part is that this two year old girl has no bed, can't wash her clothes, and the apartment that she stays at is bug infested (roaches, bedbugs, and fleas). Her mom hasn't had a job since the little girl has been born for more than a week and has on occasion slept on the streets with her. She's lost the foodstamp card that she relies on and the father doesn't pay child support. Now it's getting really bad. Bruises on the little girl, she came home from her father's house humping everything in sight, and her stomach is distended from what I believe to be a lack of nutrition. That and her mom sends her to grandma's with a crack smoking boyfriend living there. I don't know what I should do since I seem to be out of options. I called CPS, the police, and even the church she goes to to try and get help for this poor little girl. No one will listen.



My second friend Jessica has a two year old little boy who lives with her and her mother (who sells pills to survive). Although the little boy is well cared for apart from the grandmother selling pills, his mother has been teaching him to cuss and throw gang signs. I'm not sure if excessive spanking and teaching vulgar behaviours is illegal or not and am unsure what I should do about the situation.



My third friend is really bad off. She just had her son a month ago and I saw her for the first time two days ago. She kept saying things like she was <Staff Edit> in life and she might as well die. I think she might have PPD. But to make matters worse is that the baby's dad stays out all day with his friends, smokes weed, and is telling her to find a job to support the baby when she's the only one caring for him. All because he won't give up weed. And they are living off of $400 a month with no assistance. These were my three best friends growing up and it seems like my child is the only one growing up the way he should, with love and attention. Sara won't even hold her baby (the one with the one month old). I was with her for five hours and she held the baby long enough to get him out of the car. I don't know what to do because I feel so bad for all these children who are growing up in hell. I don't know what to think of my friends anymore. It turns out at least two are pretty bad people. What would you do in my situation?
 
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Robinsegg

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That's a really tough situation . . . or 3 of them! If the authorities won't listen to you, I'm not sure what you can legally do. Is there some kind of parenting group or moms group the 4 of you could go to together, so they could get some education on raising kids? MOPS is a good program.

I hope someone else has some better ideas!
Rachel
 
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llghoney

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Gosh, that is crazy! I do know I would not be letting my child around those friends if they act that way around you. I kinda agree with the new friends. You can only do so much sometimes for people. They have to find out the hard way unfortunatley. What do people say when you tell them about your first friend?
 
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chava

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They just say that it's going to be "checked into" and I'm not the only one who has reported her. I know I need to find new friends it's just not so easy to find the kinds of people I would like my son to be around. Or that I would like to be around. I'm a teenage mother and unfortunately that kind of mixes me into a certain group of people I can connect with. I've been thinking of putting my son in a daycare center so he can find some friends and I can find some friends. But it's just so expensive and he's never been away from us for too long with a bunch of strangers (which is how I know he's going to look at it). I don't want to do that to him so young. How do you make new friends with the same priorities?
 
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Flibbertigibbet

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Are you in a position to make the offer to Samantha that her daughter stay with you while she gets on her feet? What a horrid situation for that child. Keep calling CPS with your concerns. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

2nd situation, while not great, at least does not sound like the child is being physically neglected.

As for your friend whom you suspect has PPD. Keep in contact with her often and offer her emotional support in her current situation.

While I agree that you need some new friends who are better parents, I also think that you can be a good example to your friends. As for where to find new friends, check on some of the mother's day out programs in your area (often offered by churches) and start hanging out at the park with your son when it starts getting warmer.

Don't assume that your friends all must be close to your age either. My best friend is 15 years older than I am, and I cannot imagine a better friend. There are moms who might be older than you, but have children around the same age as your son. Keep an open mind about your friendships.

Praying for you and for your friends and their children.
 
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Robinsegg

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How do you make new friends with the same priorities?
Start taking him to preK story times at the library, find a church to attend with him, find a MOPS (Mothers Of Pre Schoolers) group at a local church, go to the park (when it's warm enough) and connect with moms there, find a play group (our local hospital has a development play group-parents stay with the kids). You eventually find other families to connect with in those ways.

Just so you know, I'm 31 and would not look at you any differently than a mom my own age for the purposes of time for our kids to play together!

R
 
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RedTulipMom

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Send all 3 of the babies over to my house and i will take care of them! i am serious..i wish it was possible. My heart breaks for this poor children. These mothers need to grow up and get lives and stop abusing, and neglecting their children.

Call CPS again on the first Mom and tell them everything you told us! Talk to your 2nd friend about how much she is hurting her child by teaching gang signs and spanking excessively and keep an eye out, you might want to call CPS on that situation too.

The 3rd situation is just sad..why isnt the mother getting other financial assistance? Is the baby getting WIC atleast? Why won't she hold the baby? she is harming her baby. Could you talk to her and tell her how much babies need to be held?

The best you could do is be praying for all these ladies and their kids and being an example to them and talking with them about better ways. This is just soo sad.
 
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FishBowl

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Hmmm...I always thought that it was only the Dutch CPS and Police who didn't take this thing for real at the first time. It really makes me sick. What did a child di wrong to grow up in such a miserable atmosphere? The best treatment that you can give them is your care and attention and let those children know that there always will be a True Loving, Caring Father for them. And let them be whitnesses of how you treat and raise your child.
And most important of all. Pray for them.
Know what??? I'll pray with you for these children too.

GBY
 
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chava

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Send all 3 of the babies over to my house and i will take care of them! i am serious..i wish it was possible. My heart breaks for this poor children. These mothers need to grow up and get lives and stop abusing, and neglecting their children.

Call CPS again on the first Mom and tell them everything you told us! Talk to your 2nd friend about how much she is hurting her child by teaching gang signs and spanking excessively and keep an eye out, you might want to call CPS on that situation too.

The 3rd situation is just sad..why isnt the mother getting other financial assistance? Is the baby getting WIC atleast? Why won't she hold the baby? she is harming her baby. Could you talk to her and tell her how much babies need to be held?

The best you could do is be praying for all these ladies and their kids and being an example to them and talking with them about better ways. This is just soo sad.



Sara is the third mom and she's getting WIC but nothing else. She's been trying to get foodstamps but has been getting the run around with the welfare office. She says she doesn't want to spoil the baby but she barely talked to him or displayed any sort of emotion towards him the four or five hours I was there. Then when I left she was on her way to go tanning and left the baby with her boyfriend. She's not hurting him and she's feeding him/changing him but she just isn't like a mom. She doesn't seem to love her baby.
 
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Flibbertigibbet

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Sara is the third mom and she's getting WIC but nothing else. She's been trying to get foodstamps but has been getting the run around with the welfare office. She says she doesn't want to spoil the baby but she barely talked to him or displayed any sort of emotion towards him the four or five hours I was there. Then when I left she was on her way to go tanning and left the baby with her boyfriend. She's not hurting him and she's feeding him/changing him but she just isn't like a mom. She doesn't seem to love her baby.
Not all moms are as enamored of their children as most. She will probably be a more involved parent as the baby gets older and more active. So long as she is changing/feeding him, I would not be nearly as concerned about this situation as the others.

If you really love babies and enjoy them, it may seem hard to believe but some people find babies boring. Even some parents. :)
 
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Linnis

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You've reported it now I would back away. There comes a point when you cannot take on the problems of the people around you. I stopped going to certain parenting groups because we just don't see eye to eye on parenting or life in general. Seek out different sets of parents and kids, library groups, BabyTalk, etc. Most of the mothers I know are several years older than I am but we have similar parenting outlooks, goals, etc so it works out.
 
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RedTulipMom

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Sara is the third mom and she's getting WIC but nothing else. She's been trying to get foodstamps but has been getting the run around with the welfare office. She says she doesn't want to spoil the baby but she barely talked to him or displayed any sort of emotion towards him the four or five hours I was there. Then when I left she was on her way to go tanning and left the baby with her boyfriend. She's not hurting him and she's feeding him/changing him but she just isn't like a mom. She doesn't seem to love her baby.
thats very sad! You can't spoil a baby. There is a period of time from birth until the crawling stage (till about 8 mos) that the child should be held as much as possible. It is the "in arms" stage. For emotional growth its really important to hold the baby LOTS during that first 8 mos. Tell your friend this, maybe she doesn't know it.
 
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