- Aug 31, 2008
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Lately i've notice that i've been crying in my sleep and i have a good idea what it is. Alot of my dreams have satan's signature all over them. Tempted to have sex, to kill people often i have dreams were i am falling from the sky. which satans trying to indicate that i'm falling away. Often in these dreams i have complete control of what i am doing. i can fly i feel the g force on my face and when i have these dreams which are probably 5 out of 7 days the fallin one is there and he has many many forms. often also while i face him head on and always say something like How could you ever think that you could over throw god and he says you have to see it the way i see it. another one of his lies was i ask him what was the war like in heaven and him or one of his demons says don't read to much into it. my prayer life has reseaded my talkin to god has decreased and the joy i once had is a empty pit of sorrow now either it's this distance that i have with god a attack of the devil or the life changing event i almost had four years ago. i went thru a drug induced psychosis and never in my whole life have i ever cryed so so so much over one person it's a long story but i thought i gave my girlfriend at the time hiv and this person that probably forgot about me but i can't stop thinking about her. i thought i killed her she was my life i did not know god and nither did she now at the time i admit i was selfish only thinking about myself and now i wish i could just be her friend i feel as tho i don't deserve anyone i have to many promblems my illness has taken my motivation away and this yearning to start a family is gone. yes it's true that i can say that my ocd has lighten up a bit but it has drained the life out of me with all the stress and guilt of telling yourself daily that you will never be with anyone and that you were meant to live life this way it begines to grow into a deadly nightshade that keep's growing now this crying in my sleep is either caused by these two thing's i'm so deeply sorry for the shadow that over this thread but i truly do not see things working out for me . I hope your love and kindness can be a anidote for me and reverse this wave.