Do you parent baby #2 differently?

heart of peace

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What are some things you will do/have done differently with your second baby in comparison to your first?


I plan on introducing a bottle (as I now have family members who will help with feedings), co-rooming over co-sleeping, slinging the baby much more (not just specific to me, but other family members, I want to keep the baby in the arms of a caregivers during the 'in arms phase'), using some form of cloth diapering and (this is the big one) absolutely no nursing in bed!!....lol These are just some of the things I want to do differently.
 

greenie

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I've done things differently with all my kids. Mainly due to being able to have the time to do things with #1 that I couldn't do with #2 or #3.
#1 was very much about 'the baby' whereas #2 we went totally on parent led schedules etc and now with #3 I'm going on a mixture of both.
The effects of what we did with #1 still carry over to today (and he's 6 now) and I don't think I realised that would happen when he was a baby!
 
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Birbitt

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Baby number 2 was pretty much the same as baby 1 mostly because of the short gap between them and the fact that even with baby two I was a young and inexperienced parent. With this new baby number 3 I will be doing lots of thing differently...I will try much harder to breastfeed this baby and not listen to the crazy nurse who told me my breasts were too large to safely nurse my child, I will cloth diaper this baby to minimize exposure to harsh chemicals as well as allow better air flow, I will not waver in doing what I know to be right for my baby no matter how others feel about what I do, and I will take more time to enjoy my baby and carry/wear my baby more than I did with children past.
 
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jgonz

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I parented #2 pretty much the same as #1. But things did evolve with each child after that though.... some things changed because of the size of the family and they had to change, other things changed because it was important to me (such as more attachment parenting type things with each child, up until the last one). Ultimately we had to do what worked best for each individual child and our situations.
 
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Neenie1

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Hmmm, I'd love to hear your reasons for the changes too.


Some things were different with dd, but some were the same.

I'll try to remember, she is 3 1/2 now and my eldest is 7 lol.

Anyway, I think the big one was not to stress out so much about getting up to her at night and cuddling her all the time. Whereas with my ds I was concerned I would "spoil" him. Also I never worried about breastfeeding, there were no problems with feeding dd at all, she never ever had a bottle, she just never took to it, and I had to work around that for going out. (I just fed her before going out and stayed pretty much close to home in case she got hungry again lol)

Cloth nappies - I used these for both of my kids for 3 years each (lol, dd was closer to 3 1/4 before starting training - at 3 1/2 she's still not fully trained)

I think the personality of each child is different and you have to do some things differently to cater to each childs needs.
 
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I parented all of them differently just because of the personality of my babe and our circumstances. I'm pleased with the choices we've made as we were doing the best we knew how at the time. The biggest difference from oldest to youngest is how we disciplined. It has been a journey and unfortunately the oldest had to go through through the ugliest part of that journey with us.
 
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heart of peace

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Thanks for the replies, it's so interesting to hear how things do/don't change for your second, third, etc child.

So, my reasoning for my changes?? Well, my situation is completely different now in life than it was when my son was born. Another thing is that I've changed tremendously as a person since becoming a mother. As a result, I approach parenting differently now than I did back then. I did strict AP with my son and I was burnt out by the time he was 9 months old. That's when I read the Continuum Concept and it truly resonated within me, I beleive it is a much more balanced approach to parenting a baby within the whole family. But most of all, I've found my maternal instinct through parenting my first child (it took a while for me to parent from instinct as I parented mainly from intellect during my son's first year). Some women naturally are able to parent from instinct from the get, I, sadly, was not one of those women. Perhaps that was one of the downsides for me of waiting until I was older to start having children ---- I was way too much theory and not enough just plain ol practice...hah
 
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Leanna

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Interesting! So by the CC being more balanced you are referring to the belief that the baby fits into the family and not everything should revolve around baby? I agree! I will say though that Dr. Sears has an oft neglected baby B called BALANCE. "In your zeal to give so much to your baby, it's easy to neglect the needs of yourself and your marriage. As you will learn the key to putting balance in your parenting is being appropriately responsive to your baby – knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no," and having the wisdom to say "yes" to yourself when you need help." (http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp )

I find the "in arms" phase to be over focused on with the CC though in our environment. My babies loooooooove to roll around on the floor. :kiss:
 
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heart of peace

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Yes, that's exactly what I meant by the CC being more balanced.

I do remember reading about the balance portion in Sear's AP book but the way he presents it puts it in a section of the method. Almost like, oh, yes, this is a part of it if you can't handle all the other parts of AP (so for a person like myself, I was like, Oh, I'll do it all, I can handle it...yea right). Anyway, with Liedloff's book, she really put an emphasis on including the child within the family dynamic instead of catering to baby. Baby is part of the tribe and must find his/her place within it by watching and being included in the actual family goings ons. To me, it is more of an emphasis over Sears' balance portion. Instead of if you need to say no, say it....it's more like, there is no need to say no and that is what appeals to me.
 
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GolfingMom

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So going back to the OP, I wonder if most second children gain independence faster than the first. Any thoughts?


We did nothing different (other than discipline when they were older :p ) and 2nd born was born independent.

We had the kiddo's become PART of the family...not become the family. We had their schedules around ours (w/in reason) so it was easier for us to keep up with the life we had. :sorry:
 
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Assisi

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I was just talking to one of my girlfriends about this today.:)

I don't think I will really do anything differently. I'm pretty happy with the decisions we've made. Pretty much all our decisions have been what we wanted them to be before we had our son, which I'm quite pleased about because we had some comments about 'not understanding' when we shared our plans (for example not to co sleep but to room in - these are still the ones that bring the most comments!). The only thing I can think of is that I think I'll stop demand feeding a little sooner, maybe a month or so sooner. I think when it came to nursing I forgot for a month there that my baby had grown and I was still in 'new baby' mode.

My son is only 6 months, so of course I'm only talking about the baby stage. :)

Interesting to hear everyone's comments.
 
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RedTulipMom

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With the first kid, if you drop the bottle or pacifier on the floor, it's time to boil and sanitize. By the time you get to #3 or #4, you just kick it in the direction of the kid.
i laughed so hard at this..but its so true..he he:D
 
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Called2Grace

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I am pretty much parenting differently this time around. I wear DS, we share a bed, I breastfeed on demand, cloth nappies.
With DD I was so paranoid about "doing it right" that I totally lost the ability to listen to my heart.
That is what I am doing this time, and I also approach parenting with DD a lot more differently now too.
We have a different approach to discipline as well.
I guess the main reason aside from reading to many books and being too scared to follow my heart is that I am a totally different person now. My eyes have been opened to some inconsistancies that I just couldn't live with (in relation to what is accaptable way to treat a child, but would be illegal or unacceptable to treat another adult)
 
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Neenie1

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So going back to the OP, I wonder if most second children gain independence faster than the first. Any thoughts?


I think in our case that is true.

Also my 2nd born is so much more confident to step out and try new challenges. Much more than her big brother is.

I think in part it is due to the "larger" age gap of 3 1/2 years. Anything ds wants to do, dd thinks she can at least try it ROFL.
 
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