I need some advice...

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SharonL

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OK here is the wisdom of Prov. 26:17 - T1wGl warns person A -
A and B become enemies immediately -
A aproaches C - He will not be remorseful - he is proud of his trophy of a virgin 18 year old.
C chooses to stay with B who is already full of guilt because she will blame herself for ruining the marriage of A & C -
A is crushed beyond belief and mad at 71wGl for bringing it to light.
B is full of guilt, hurt because her little playhouse is ruined and blames 71wGl
C is madder than any of them because he had the best of both worlds - he blames A for his weakness of going to B because A didn't do something right - C is mad at B because she feels guilt and hurt and blames 71wGl for it all.

C is not going to change - if he can't have this 18 year old girl he will go to another one.
B will have emotional problems
A is rejected and hurt and the marriage will never be the same.

Now which Scripture fits the picture best -
There is wisdom in the Bible telling us not to meddle.

71wGl - you are between a rock and a hard place - pray hard about it and follow what the Holy Spirit tells you and do not listen to any of us - only God knows the outcome.

It is a hard situation and people will be hurt no matter which way it goes.
 
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Desperaux

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Meanwhile, I see there is a victim being ignored. The outcome can be entirely different when one warns while covered in prayer. wisdom is the key. God tells us if we lack wisdom, simply ask for it.

James 1:5
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.
 
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SharonL

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Meanwhile, I see there is a victim being ignored. The outcome can be entirely different when one warns while covered in prayer. wisdom is the key. God tells us if we lack wisdom, simply ask for it.

James 1:5
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

I pray you are right and this is the Bible way to do it - however when you are dealing with someone whose selfish pleasures are uppermost and they are not really interested in what the Bible says, it is a different picture - but as we know prayer changes everything.

I pray they are seeking God for help in this awful situation and pray for healing for all involved - it will take a lot of forgiveness and prayer to heal such hurts that will be revealed.

71wGl - I pray for you and please keep us up to date and maybe we can all learn something for what you do or do not do.

Just a little info about the situation I was speaking of - I never knew of the situation until years later - however the person that involved the 17 year old step-son went on and married 5 or 6 times - I knew the husband of the woman that committed incest with his 17 year old son - I chose not to ever tell him - and to this day it is my secret - I see the damage inflicted on the 17 year old - he does not know that I know also - but I chose not to cause the husband the pain of knowing. Maybe I was right and maybe I was wrong, but I saw no good that could come out of him knowing when he could do nothing about it. They were separated at the time. It will remain my secret.
 
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Dec 18, 2003
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Well I think they are all victims. They are victims of a number of different things.

The devil whispers in the ear of the Christian..."judge!"

The Holy Spirit whispers to our spirit... "love!"

I don't want to meddle, or condemn. I just want to make sure that I allow the holy Spirit to show God's love to each one of them through me.
 
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C

Cassidy

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Wow what a hard situation. It's always dangerous to have a young girl live with a married couple.

I really love the advice given here. Personally I would sit on it and pray for them all. When the time comes and it all hits the fan, then you can be there as a shoulder for them to lean on, with love and prayer for the lot of them. They're going to need all the help they can get.
 
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Desperaux

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Why does the saying LIVE AND LEARN COME TO MIND? Didn't God teach you in the past. What makes you think He not teaching now.

He can only teach if one is LISTENING, Who, in that situation of three people is listening? Perhaps the only one who will could be the betrayed woman. It is worth the risk to find out.

Maybe what I'm hearing here is, "LIVE AND LET LIVE", which is not of God.
 
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Elijah2

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Yep the "Ayes" I got it.

Take "C" out for a coffee as a friend, express your concerns as a friend, and lay down the cold hard facts of what he is causing. And ask him what is he going to do about it?

Take "B" out for a coffee as a friend, express your concerns as a friend, and lay down the cold hard facts of what she is causing. And ask her what is she going to do about?

Then mark time, because you have gone far enough, and it will be between "A" and "C" to reconcile, and for "B" to move out.

If you do the three, then you will possibly end up being the person who is going to lose out. And maybe our Lord will use you to help in the reconciliation between "A" and "C"

Take care, mate!
 
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SharonL

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Great advice Elijah (as usual)

I am afraid I cannot be trusted to make a decision on this one - I've seen the destruction and I could not be fair - I'm afraid I would butt heads with C big time and B is a willing participant. My heart goes out to A. There is no way out of this situation without lasting hurts.

Elijah's advice to approach B and C separately would be my choice also and then back away.

I have 4 families around me in my friends that this destruction has affected - none of which had a good outcome. The destruction and damage for a lifetime has hit every family. (Not necessarily family members - but close friends that caused the destruction in 3 cases and one had family involved)
 
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jiminpa

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t1wGl, do I understand this correctly that you are the step-brother to these women? If so, it is very much your place to try to stop them from destroying themselves and each other, as gently as you can. Yes, the risks will be great, but if you love the women involved their wellbeing will be more important than them liking you. I'm afraid though, that if you are correct in your assessment the best you can do is minimize the damage. The wife will be badly hurt whenever she sees clearly.

There is a huge difference between medling and warning of grave danger. I have been the victim of medlers, and I have been properly corrected, at different times. One destroys, the other heals.

Ezekiel 33:6
But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.
 
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I truly appreciate that all of you have taken the time out to share your advice and their have been solid thoughts and advice in the matter and I have and will continue to consider everyone of your suggestions.

We invited B over yesterday evening and to my suprise, she came and had a great time. It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe things are not as bad as they seem.

I think we are going to just try and be their friends and lead by a loving example. As I mentioned earlier in this thread...I went through something similar about 10 years ago that drove me to the edge and when I look back, what I really needed was not someone to scold me, but someone to be a true friend and a voice of encouragement and reason, advocating for a better life.
 
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t1wGl, do I understand this correctly that you are the step-brother to these women? If so, it is very much your place to try to stop them from destroying themselves and each other, as gently as you can. Yes, the risks will be great, but if you love the women involved their wellbeing will be more important than them liking you. I'm afraid though, that if you are correct in your assessment the best you can do is minimize the damage. The wife will be badly hurt whenever she sees clearly.

There is a huge difference between medling and warning of grave danger. I have been the victim of medlers, and I have been properly corrected, at different times. One destroys, the other heals.

Ezekiel 33:6
But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.

I agree and I will pray for the opportunity to speak into their lives. Right now they do not see me as a watchman, but as an outsider. I have been gone for most of the time that they have been part of the family. They also knew a little about me while I was still running from God, so they probably view me as a threat right now, in that they would expect me to expose them and condemn them once I found out. I am aquainted with how the mind works in these situations.

They also attend (or attended) a very legalistic church all of their lives which significantly compounds the problem. I know B still attends that church.
 
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Desperaux

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t1wGl, do I understand this correctly that you are the step-brother to these women? If so, it is very much your place to try to stop them from destroying themselves and each other, as gently as you can. Yes, the risks will be great, but if you love the women involved their wellbeing will be more important than them liking you. I'm afraid though, that if you are correct in your assessment the best you can do is minimize the damage. The wife will be badly hurt whenever she sees clearly.

There is a huge difference between medling and warning of grave danger. I have been the victim of medlers, and I have been properly corrected, at different times. One destroys, the other heals.

Ezekiel 33:6
But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.

Excellent post. I totally agree with this.
 
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Elijah2

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I truly appreciate that all of you have taken the time out to share your advice and their have been solid thoughts and advice in the matter and I have and will continue to consider everyone of your suggestions.

We invited B over yesterday evening and to my suprise, she came and had a great time. It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe things are not as bad as they seem.

I think we are going to just try and be their friends and lead by a loving example. As I mentioned earlier in this thread...I went through something similar about 10 years ago that drove me to the edge and when I look back, what I really needed was not someone to scold me, but someone to be a true friend and a voice of encouragement and reason, advocating for a better life.

Great news twiggy, that is a start, but still be very discerning. Where do you feel "C" stands now after talking to "B"?:)
 
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flyingsum0

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I think we are going to just try and be their friends and lead by a loving example. As I mentioned earlier in this thread...I went through something similar about 10 years ago that drove me to the edge and when I look back, what I really needed was not someone to scold me, but someone to be a true friend and a voice of encouragement and reason, advocating for a better life.

Awesome bro I think that is the best solution!
 
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