Are You High, Low or Level? (4)

Hugs and prayers to you all here, Soul, Jeshu, Arizona, Jesusfreak, tallyn , bpbear and others I may have missed, I know God does not miss!

I am low level, had lots of anxiety esp re work lately, and decisions!

I had a horrible day the 24th. Was in a deep depression, had dark/suicidal thoughts about giving up. Woke up up at 2:30am Christmas morning and didn't sleep well. Was tired most of yesterday. It's sad that I didn't have the joy for Christmas that I've had in previous years before I ended up in the mental hospital January of this year.

arizonasunset, which book of anderson's is that quote from in your signature?

Jeshu, my dose sizes of the mood stabilizers aren't that big - 750mg of depakote and 12.5 of lamictal. Although, I am extremely sensitive to medication so it might be worth trying to work with my pdoc in lowering them.

michael714 said:

I had a horrible day the 24th. Was in a deep depression, had dark/suicidal thoughts about giving up. Woke up up at 2:30am Christmas morning and didn't sleep well. Was tired most of yesterday. It's sad that I didn't have the joy for Christmas that I've had in previous years before I ended up in the mental hospital January of this year.

arizonasunset, which book of anderson's is that quote from in your signature?

Jeshu, my dose sizes of the mood stabilizers aren't that big - 750mg of depakote and 12.5 of lamictal. Although, I am extremely sensitive to medication so it might be worth trying to work with my pdoc in lowering them.

Click to expand...

Michael my quote is from Victory Over Darkness, Neil Anderson, pp 235

michael714 said:

I had a horrible day the 24th. Was in a deep depression, had dark/suicidal thoughts about giving up. Woke up up at 2:30am Christmas morning and didn't sleep well. Was tired most of yesterday. It's sad that I didn't have the joy for Christmas that I've had in previous years before I ended up in the mental hospital January of this year.

arizonasunset, which book of anderson's is that quote from in your signature?

Jeshu, my dose sizes of the mood stabilizers aren't that big - 750mg of depakote and 12.5 of lamictal. Although, I am extremely sensitive to medication so it might be worth trying to work with my pdoc in lowering them.

Click to expand...

Okay I see, I would up your dosage of lamictal, if found that below 50 mg basically out of action, worked very good at 200 mg, apart of the rashes and swollen legs, and decrease depakote, I'm also very sensitve to medications. Lamictal picks you up and stabilises moods, while depokote depresses and keeps you down, or at least in me this was so.

Hoping you find relief! Keep searching until you find some relief!

Lamictal helped me in the past. I usually do well on 200 mg. I'm just now starting on the medication so I'm at a very low dose as it increases until it reaches the full 200.

I'm also on wellbutrin, which the doctor felt really shouldn't have an impact on me. I know better, however, because it aids in the hypo mania and mania stages. Meaning it magnifies it. It's magnifiying it now actually.

But I know that the wellbutrin will help me quit smoking. And it really is the reason I asked for it. However 300 mg is beneficial with this goal of mine.

Unfortunately the 150 mg dose I'm currently on is causing mega problems right now. The hypo mania has been pushed to a full blown mania stage.

I so do despise this physiological disease.

I'm going to push myself, however, to the 300 mg. dose until I can get over the hump of withdrawls. So I'm planning on four to five months of taking 300 mg. That's after I get it increased to the 300.

I'm taking geodon as well. This is really helping in my aggression. As things stablize I know I will not need it. The doctor disagreed with my seasonal usage of the drug. But she's not me. I don't need it outside of late may and all of summer and mid November through mid December.

I'm extremely high right now. High meaning mania mega max... not good. At least I have learned to be productive with it. It makes up for what goes undone during lows.

This year has been an acception to my normality.

Does anyone else ever experience where every three years or so it's a harder time to manage this blessed "gift"? This year we're ending has been that way for me.

I pray the coming year will even out and I can get to my usual routine of knowing how to deal with the highs and lows.

Low and angry. I am so irritable with the people who are closely involved in my life. I guess i am worried about my physical health too. Some numbness/tingling in my arms and hands - had an MRI and get results on Monday.
I hate being bipolar.
TN

Low, very low...suicidal...wanting to cut...just over all a very bad feeling...

dearest friends here, please care for yourself carefully during the letdown after Christmas and the final holiday rush and all of the new year stuff that means we often look at our life critically. Be kind to yourself, know you are loved, that nothing you can do either negative or positive will change God's love for you as you have Jesus' reputation thru forgiveness in God's eyes. No, it doesn't seem fair or right or whatever, but it was God who set up the plan, not us, our feelings or this world.

Rest in Him, His undying, forgiving love. Know that you are loved beyond what you can understand. This illness doesn't change it, our horrible thoughts doesn't change it, our manic or depressed action doesn't change it, our rages and anger doesn't change it, or cutting doesn't change it, our eating doesn't change it, IT IS BECAUSE GOD SAYS SO- YOU ARE BELOVED OF GOD because you have accepted His Son Jesus as your Saviour. PERIOD! So as you face this last year and plans for the new one, remeber this fact is true because of Gods' plan.

Squiz, please be very careful with where you are mood wise, your illness and mood are messing big time with you. We have not lost anyone here yet to suicide, please do not be the first, We would miss you and it would break our hearts. You are important! Please get the help you need and keep us informed of how you are.

To all of the rest of you I am not as good as dear April and l I haveost my quote buttons, so know you are in my thoguths and prayers as well. Thank you for being such a valuable part of my life these last few years. Whether up or down you all make a difference in my life. May God hold you safe in the shelter of His wings!!! I will probalby see you all here tomorrow!

When I try to take 25mg of Lamictal it makes me anxious. I don't know that I could imagine taking some of the high doses you all are on.
I got really irritable with my wife Christmas Eve and snapped hard at her. Apologized first thing Christmas morning.
When I took Wellbutrin I heard voices the first day which lasted several days.

>Michael my quote is from Victory Over Darkness, Neil Anderson, pp 235

thanks. coincidentally I have the book and had just started reading it. It's a good reminder to resist every thought that doesn't come from God. Sometimes I wonder how much of my dark thoughts are spiritual and how much might be chemical.


Has anyone had success with antidepressants? I tried Celexa recently but quit after the third day because I was nervous it might take me manic. Didn't like the feeling it gave me mentally.

Currently I am on a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant. I have been for periods without the antidepressant. But have slipped back into a period of depression this last year or so and am back on them. Personally I have not done well on a antidepressant alone. It did not kick my depression and some of them trigger rage and manias.

level despite physical illness. Feel peace beyond what I should for life right now. Praising GOd for that, but sorry to have had to miss church!

I'm a mess today. Tried lowering the Depakote and my anxiety level has gone up. Does this go away in time? (The anxiety, I mean.) I had gotten a second opinion on the Depakote from another doctor and he'd said it numbs us out.
Am feeling very depressed, with dark thoughts. The dark thoughts have been getting worse over the past month.

Soulwings, didn't you get married this year? (I saw you mentioned a honeymoon in 03...)

Sorry to hear you're stressed blessed.

Micheal I was on depakote but discovered I was allergic to it. I was allergic to lithium also... unfortunately it was worked the best for me.

I think I'm level... not sure.