Is it appropriate for your BFF to be friends with your spouse?

My BFF is my husband haha

Your husband is a feline??? I'm confused.

AMOG said:

Your husband is a feline??? I'm confused.

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BFF = Best Friend Forever. We went over this earlier in the thread.

AMOG said:

Your husband is a feline??? I'm confused.

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My hubby is kind of cat like at times.

AMOG said:

Your husband is a feline??? I'm confused.

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My husband is married to a feline.



I would marry my Ada if it were legal. (Ada is my grey tabby.)

I'm with Snooch on this one.

Out of all the friends I have in the city where I currently live, my husband's best friend is probably my closest friend as well. (I have closer friendships with people in other provinces.) I would never marry someone if I didn't think I could trust him to have integrity in his friendships with people other than myself. I'm glad my friends get along well with my husband, and I'm glad I get along with his!

Well, my husband *is* my "best friend", but one of his closest friends (a female that he met several years ago), is now one of my closest friends, to the point where she was the maid of honor at our wedding. I'd never dream that they'd do anything suspicious if they were alone together.

When having friends of the opposite gender, there is the possibility for attraction, but if you're watching for that, and avoiding it and the accompanying temptation, I just don't see how having friends of both genders is a problem.

IMO, someone who would forbid their SO from speaking with their friends is extremely insecure. That's her prerogative (we all have insecurities) but me, I'd find a different friend, and if my SO was that insecure, I'd find a new one. My husband probably won't ever be close friends with any of my friends from before marriage simply because they only have me in common. However, we went camping with one of my friends before getting married, and I was perfectly fine with the two of them talking or being alone while I was off site or conversing over something while we were in a store, etc. When I'm in the bathroom or shower or otherwise occupied and my cell rings, hubby will often answer it and chat with whomever it is until I'm available. I encourage this. I want my husband to like my friends and I want my friends to like my husband. I encourage the people in my life to get along with or without me present. They don't have to be best friends, just cordial.

I also, however, believe it's extremely immature to drop your friends the second you become involved in a significant relationship whether it's dating, engagement, or marriage. Again, it's one's prerogative, we all have moments of immaturity, but again, I'd find a new friend/new SO. I enjoy my female friends and I have friends with whom I discuss things I'd never discuss with my husband. I didn't feel it was appropriate to discuss with my hubby my friends concerns about her upcoming wedding night nor do I feel that it's ok to discuss with my husband the concerns a friend and I have for a mutual friend. I fully believe women need other women whom they can confide in and discuss things either that we won't/can't discuss with our spouses or discuss in a different way. I enjoy a female perspective at least 60% of the time over my very male spouse's perspective. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be married. It simply means that I have different needs. I'm more likely to work through my thoughts talking with someone outside an issue rather (not to mention it being less heated) with someone smack in the middle!

I would think that it would be ideal to be close friends with one's spouse's close friends just because it would make hanging out that much more fun.

snoochface said:

I think if you can't trust your best friend and your spouse to even speak when they are in the same room together without you, then you a) need a new best friend, and b) have absolutely no business being married.

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I have to agree... that doesn't sound healthy.

Ryanswife said:

My personal opinion is that married couples are better off not having friends of the opposite sex. Better to be safe than sorry.

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And as long as you and your spouse agree with that rule and really aren't bitter about it, then more power to you. I wouldn't get into a relationship where that was the rule, though.

very well said Immersedingrace!!! I agree with everything you said.

My relationship with my husband being my most important human relationship does not mean that I have to rid myself of all other friendships, male or female. A friendship with a man is not a competition for my marital relationship and my husband's many friendships with women are not a threat to our marriage.

Frankly, I have to wonder about the stability of both the friendship and the marriage if it can be so easily undone by casual conversation.

Mskedi said:

I would think that it would be ideal to be close friends with one's spouse's close friends just because it would make hanging out that much more fun.


I have to agree... that doesn't sound healthy.



And as long as you and your spouse agree with that rule and really aren't bitter about it, then more power to you. I wouldn't get into a relationship where that was the rule, though.

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Let me restate my opinion on this issue. My husband is friends with my girlfriends. When we are all together they converse or when they call, my husband will talk to them on the phone for a minute until he hands the phone to me. However, they don't usually go and hang out with eachother without me or do they usually call one another just to chit-chat. I am also friends with my husband's friends in the same manner that he is friends with my friends.

However, I am not comfortable with him having female friends that are seperate from me and he is not comfortable with me having male friends seperate from him.

Like I said before - different strokes for different folks. I do not appreciate people calling my husband and myself immature etc. None of you have walked in our shoes and your rude opinions on what works best for our marriage are not needed. Thanks (That was not directed towards you, Mskedi)

I think it's great that my husband are friends with my close girlfriends.

Ryanswife said:

Let me restate my opinion on this issue. My husband is friends with my girlfriends. When we are all together they converse or when they call, my husband will talk to them on the phone for a minute until he hands the phone to me. However, they don't usually go and hang out with eachother without me or do they usually call one another just to chit-chat. I am also friends with my husband's friends in the same manner that he is friends with my friends.

However, I am not comfortable with him having female friends that are seperate from me and he is not comfortable with me having male friends seperate from him.

Like I said before - different strokes for different folks. I do not appreciate people calling my husband and myself immature etc. None of you have walked in our shoes and your rude opinions on what works best for our marriage are not needed. Thanks (That was not directed towards you, Mskedi)

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No one was directing anything toward you personally.
I understand more what you mean after reading this post. I was imagining and responding to a situation like the Original Post; where one does not want the other even speaking to their friend while they are out of the room.

My best friend, my husband and myself were all best friends well before I started dating my husband. BFF andI were 'twins' and my husband was the 'honorary twin'. My BFF already was in a long-term relationship. When hubby and I started dating, I did not feel like things needed to change between him and my BFF, although this is well and truly an isolated case (ie I'm completely comfortable with him spending time with her, but I am always a little wary of other girls). I know them both inside and out, and I know that he is very much happily in love with me, and she is very much happily in love with her fiance. I trust them. But I can understand where insecurities come from, because I have a few when it comes to other girls.