Close to burn out

mindlight · Nov 21, 2008

I am very tired. Its hard to identify exactly why. I have two kids the younger of whom is not sleeping very well. So I am not sleeping an unbroken and decent amount of sleep. My quiet time with God has not been regular or unbroken or that deep for a while. I have had an enormous amount of change and stress in the last year and I work very hard at what I do in and out of the workplace. My family have been blessed enormously by it but I am close to burnout. Maybe it sounds selfish but right now I just want to order everything around my needs. My child is going to sleep in her own bed and stay there all night even if she cries - with a few visits to check shes OK of course. I am going to flake out and try and spend some time with God tonight and I am going to listen to anyone who wants to give some good advice about burnout and how to avoid it.

dodolah · Nov 21, 2008

get a baby sitter or your family to take care of the babies for one day and have a romantic trip with your husband or someone you care about. Refresh your energy, go to a spa, or whatever... Sometimes things like this requires more than a prayer.

I am not saying that prayer is not effective; In fact, you should pray and be diligent about working your relationship toward God.
But, burnout stress can still be overwhelming and sometimes a vacation is what you need the most.

drich0150 · Nov 21, 2008

It sounds as if you have already made a start. Setting boundaries and limitations even with your children is the key in avoiding burn out. Just remember when you do set boundaries especially with Kids that have never lived by them, that you explain, and have them understand that just because "we can't do things like we use to, doesn't mean you don't love them.

I would also take a serious look at your work, and see if you can also scale back there.. Since we spend most of our time there it tends to be a source of most of our stress. Reducing stress and burden is the simple answer, but often times over looked till it's too late.

Bellicus · Nov 21, 2008

mindlight said:
I am very tired. Its hard to identify exactly why. I have two kids the younger of whom is not sleeping very well. So I am not sleeping an unbroken and decent amount of sleep. My quiet time with God has not been regular or unbroken or that deep for a while. I have had an enormous amount of change and stress in the last year and I work very hard at what I do in and out of the workplace. My family have been blessed enormously by it but I am close to burnout. Maybe it sounds selfish but right now I just want to order everything around my needs. My child is going to sleep in her own bed and stay there all night even if she cries - with a few visits to check shes OK of course. I am going to flake out and try and spend some time with God tonight and I am going to listen to anyone who wants to give some good advice about burnout and how to avoid it.

I've been trough this sleep problem with my son. And I learned how to fix it. What I used to do wrong was to pick him up from bed and into the living room, maybe give him something to drink or something to eat or just let him spend some time in the living room. And when he was calm again I would carry him to bed, but only to hear him start screaming again after a few minutes. And doing this over and over again when I REALLY needed some rest was really getting me weary. So what I learned was to go into his bedroom every time he screaming, and make sure he had his pacifier and teddy. I would stay a while with him and maybe sing him a song, or if he was really angry and scared I would pick him up and give him some hugs and kisses until he got more calm. And when he got calm again I would put him back to bed and leave the room. The trick was to never take him out of the room and never put the lights on, but always just make him calm and then leave the room again. And this is important: To stay out of the room for maybe 5-10 minutes even if the child is screaming, before going in again. They can handle 5-10 minutes. And I had to repeat this dozens of times, but finally he got tired of it, cause he knew that all that happened when he screamed was that he would still be in his bedroom and got calm from it, and this made him identify the BEDROOM and not the living room or food or drinks or fun with screaming in the evening and getting calm. So now he sleeps very good every night. I put him to bed at 8 in the evenings and he wakes up 6-7 in the mornings.

Also remember to ASK FOR, and say YES to everyone in your family that offer to help with the child. Just one or two days with rest, and not having to worry really can make the difference.

mindlight · Nov 21, 2008

dodolah said:
get a baby sitter or your family to take care of the babies for one day and have a romantic trip with your husband or someone you care about. Refresh your energy, go to a spa, or whatever... Sometimes things like this requires more than a prayer.

I am not saying that prayer is not effective; In fact, you should pray and be diligent about working your relationship toward God.
But, burnout stress can still be overwhelming and sometimes a vacation is what you need the most.

Thanks for the advice.

My wife and I have been having breakfast together out with our under 1 year old somewhere special recently which is a good step forward and the other day we went for as wim together and then a meal while a babysitter looked after the child. Its rare but you are right its the key to feeling human again.

We do need a holiday but have had some serious expenses in the last few years including people stealing large amounts of money from us so its difficult this year.

I always feel better after prayer and bible but rarely get uninterrupted time. Maybe I will get some tonight

mindlight · Nov 21, 2008

drich0150 said:
It sounds as if you have already made a start. Setting boundaries and limitations even with your children is the key in avoiding burn out. Just remember when you do set boundaries especially with Kids that have never lived by them, that you explain, and have them understand that just because "we can't do things like we use to, doesn't mean you don't love them.

My son will accept such explanations but my daughter is too young to understand,

I would also take a serious look at your work, and see if you can also scale back there.. Since we spend most of our time there it tends to be a source of most of our stress. Reducing stress and burden is the simple answer, but often times over looked till it's too late.

I love my work and I am good at it. Sometimes I think its all that keeps me sane. But i get your drift and i need to get it into proper perspective.

mindlight · Nov 21, 2008

Bellicus said:
I've been trough this sleep problem with my son. And I learned how to fix it. What I used to do wrong was to pick him up from bed and into the living room, maybe give him something to drink or something to eat or just let him spend some time in the living room. And when he was calm again I would carry him to bed, but only to hear him start screaming again after a few minutes. And doing this over and over again when I REALLY needed some rest was really getting me weary. So what I learned was to go into his bedroom every time he screaming, and make sure he had his pacifier and teddy. I would stay a while with him and maybe sing him a song, or if he was really angry and scared I would pick him up and give him some hugs and kisses until he got more calm. And when he got calm again I would put him back to bed and leave the room. The trick was to never take him out of the room and never put the lights on, but always just make him calm and then leave the room again. And this is important: To stay out of the room for maybe 5-10 minutes even if the child is screaming, before going in again. They can handle 5-10 minutes. And I had to repeat this dozens of times, but finally he got tired of it, cause he knew that all that happened when he screamed was that he would still be in his bedroom and got calm from it, and this made him identify the BEDROOM and not the living room or food or drinks or fun with screaming in the evening and getting calm. So now he sleeps very good every night. I put him to bed at 8 in the evenings and he wakes up 6-7 in the mornings.

Also remember to ASK FOR, and say YES to everyone in your family that offer to help with the child. Just one or two days with rest, and not having to worry really can make the difference.

Excellent advice and I agree with this 100%. This is my strategy. The problem has been my wife has not been able to bear the sound of my child screaming and you have to have a united front on this. Well I got her buy in for this and am applying this tonight. Even if it takes all night and the rest of the weekend my daughter is going to learn to sleep in her room. In the long run that is the best thing for her also.

Flibbertigibbet · Nov 21, 2008

Make a deal with your wife - trade off an hour of uninterrupted time for you with the same for her. She would probably welcome the solitude also. You can go sit in the car with your Bible if you have to.

Then, as others have said, try to schedule just some couple time. Find someone else with a child/children and see if you can't arrange to trade babysitting. I don't know about ya'll, but for me once I already have more than 1 kid in the house, adding a few more makes little difference.

It also helps to keep in mind that these difficult times with the children and bedtime will NOT last. As a matter of fact, although it may not seem feasible right now, there will come a day when you will actually miss these days.

Also, even if you only have minute or two to spare - pick up your Bible and read a quick verse to mull over through your day. Listen to music that makes you happy - we all have those songs we can hear that make us smile no matter what. Listen to ALL of them.

During your time with your family - let go of adult worries and PLAY with your wife and kids. Put on disco music and have a dance contest; start a foodfight; have a wrestling match; see who can make the funniest faces, etc. All these things are free, btw, and can go a long way toward lifting that sense of weight from you.

Praying for you.

mindlight · Nov 21, 2008

Flibbertigibbet said:
Make a deal with your wife - trade off an hour of uninterrupted time for you with the same for her. She would probably welcome the solitude also. You can go sit in the car with your Bible if you have to.

Then, as others have said, try to schedule just some couple time. Find someone else with a child/children and see if you can't arrange to trade babysitting. I don't know about ya'll, but for me once I already have more than 1 kid in the house, adding a few more makes little difference.

It also helps to keep in mind that these difficult times with the children and bedtime will NOT last. As a matter of fact, although it may not seem feasible right now, there will come a day when you will actually miss these days.

Also, even if you only have minute or two to spare - pick up your Bible and read a quick verse to mull over through your day. Listen to music that makes you happy - we all have those songs we can hear that make us smile no matter what. Listen to ALL of them.

During your time with your family - let go of adult worries and PLAY with your wife and kids. Put on disco music and have a dance contest; start a foodfight; have a wrestling match; see who can make the funniest faces, etc. All these things are free, btw, and can go a long way toward lifting that sense of weight from you.

Praying for you.

All good advice - thanks for that. I will share that with my wife.

Bellicus · Nov 21, 2008

mindlight said:
Excellent advice and I agree with this 100%. This is my strategy. The problem has been my wife has not been able to bear the sound of my child screaming and you have to have a united front on this. Well I got her buy in for this and am applying this tonight. Even if it takes all night and the rest of the weekend my daughter is going to learn to sleep in her room. In the long run that is the best thing for her also.

Maybe you can show your wife what I wrote? She is not required to ignore her child, but it is not good for any children to be awake in the middle of the night, so if she feel it is terrible to hear her children cry for mommy/daddy, then at least try to convince her to let her give the comfort the child needs inside the bedroom, without waking up the child completely with bright lights and food and drinks and fun stuff, but to keep it all there, and make the darkness safe. I think that is where the trick is: To make the dark bedroom a safe place for your child, and that won't happen if you always carry the child out of there. Good luck and God bless

wonderwaleye · Nov 21, 2008

What I'm about to give you made such a GREAT change in my life. All I had to do is look around at my family and see that not abiding with these verses brought All kinds of pain, strife, and anxiety:

" 1 Timothy 6:

7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. "

After looking at my life and reading this I immediately took action to change my life. It was scary at first because I have had the wolf after my behind before and that something you never forget.

But as a result of having faith and abiding by GOD I have grown in abundance ever since. Something I could of never imagined.

So now the choices are yours to make. You may well find what you called blessings were not really blessings at all.

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

Vollkommen Warrior · Nov 22, 2008

It is not selfish and almost REQUIRED that you make time for YOU at times. Otherwise the source YOU not being preserved properly will burn out. So you see? You are doing an injustice to the family if you do not take time out for yourself. Whatever that time may be.

mindlight · Nov 22, 2008

Bellicus said:
Maybe you can show your wife what I wrote? She is not required to ignore her child, but it is not good for any children to be awake in the middle of the night, so if she feel it is terrible to hear her children cry for mommy/daddy, then at least try to convince her to let her give the comfort the child needs inside the bedroom, without waking up the child completely with bright lights and food and drinks and fun stuff, but to keep it all there, and make the darkness safe. I think that is where the trick is: To make the dark bedroom a safe place for your child, and that won't happen if you always carry the child out of there. Good luck and God bless

We both comfort the child in the bedroom - and we both agree this is common sense advice.

mindlight · Nov 22, 2008

wonderwaleye said:
What I'm about to give you made such a GREAT change in my life. All I had to do is look around at my family and see that not abiding with these verses brought All kinds of pain, strife, and anxiety:

" 1 Timothy 6:

7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. "

After looking at my life and reading this I immediately took action to change my life. It was scary at first because I have had the wolf after my behind before and that something you never forget.

But as a result of having faith and abiding by GOD I have grown in abundance ever since. Something I could of never imagined.

So now the choices are yours to make. You may well find what you called blessings were not really blessings at all.

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

God is always with us in the good times and the bad. As I hold my child in the night and comfort her I see a face that does not comprehend any good in being placed into her bed alone. Yet I put her into that bed for her own good and so that she can learn to sleep properly and be regenerated through the night. I guess we are like that also - we wail at God for not continually cuddling us with the warmth of his presence when actually hes just trying to teach us something useful and healthy for us and is with us even as we cry.

I am not motivated by the love of money and indeed although I earn well see very little of what I earn as my wife manages our accounts. I work at something I enjoy doing and which seems right, and despite attending Bible College with the intention of becoming a pastor or missionary feel instead called to be financially responsible and to support my family. My family have grown from strength to strength this year and have much better material circumstances and enjoy life much more than where we were before. I bear the costs for this but simply need to manage those costs and make some time for myself before the Lord. I start to burn out when I fail to love myself as I am loving others.

mindlight · Nov 22, 2008

Vollkommen Warrior said:
It is not selfish and almost REQUIRED that you make time for YOU at times. Otherwise the source YOU not being preserved properly will burn out. So you see? You are doing an injustice to the family if you do not take time out for yourself. Whatever that time may be.

I agree and this is something I have not been doing but which is essential. I make time for work, family and church and have had little left over for me. Also I have wasted the time I have had to myself altooften in front of some rubbish TV programme. This weekend has been a change. My child is starting to sleep properly as we have applied ourselves to making this change happen. My family is sleeping better as a result. I feel recharged having taken time to pray, read scripture and other books , do some exercise and going to sleep a little earlier also.

bliz · Nov 22, 2008

How old is the youngest child?

spiersdodgerblue · Nov 22, 2008

You don't know why your tired? You might want to get a check-up with your doctor.
Please don't over look that there might be something else wrong. I hope not!
God Bless

mindlight · Nov 23, 2008

Thanks To All:

Nilla · Nov 23, 2008

I don't have any children of my own but I do work with 1-5 year olds..

You don't mention how old your youngest are but you say she's too young to understand. Since I don't know the age I'm just gonna try and give some advice..

I do think that she'll understand that you're tired and need rest. Just explain it in a way she will understand. Compare it with her playing a lot and just don't have the energy to play anymore and need to rest. It's the same way with you after a long day at work...you need sometime to rest and gather energy.

Just a tip..

Thecrossinfocus · Nov 28, 2008

Oh boy, can I relate to this thread. I have been going through that very thing for quite a while. The only thing that I get over and over is that He calls to come to Him (not religion, a system, etc.. but Him) those that are weary, burdened, burnt ...

Close to burn out

See in the dark

Regular Member

Regular Member

Account no longer in use

See in the dark

See in the dark

See in the dark

Flibbertigibbet

Guest

See in the dark

Account no longer in use

Well-Known Member

Senior Member

See in the dark

See in the dark

See in the dark

Contributor

Senior Veteran

See in the dark

No longer on staff

Newbie

Similar threads