Just talking

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Manna

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I just need to talk. I don't really have anyone around here that I think would feel comfortable listening. My friends and family love me, I know that, but they don't know what to do or say when I'm talking about Eric. I just need someone to listen, but I know it's hard to just sit and take it in when you want to do something.

This year is rather difficult for me. I guess it started last November. I took the anniversary of his death REALLY hard, and was completely alone for the first time. I didn't anticipate it being a problem, so it completely bowled me over.

This year I am the age he was when he died. I think of that every day. Trust me, I don't mean to, but it's just something that's affecting me this year. I can't imagine saying goodbye to life at this point.

In a little over a week he will have been gone for 4 years. It's hard to believe it's been 4 years. On one hand, it feels like it was just this morning. On the other hand, it feels like a lifetime.

I came across some pictures of him the other day. I'd forgotten sticking them in a stack of pictures, and they took my breath away; it was just really unexpected to come across them.

Anyway...thank you. I feel a little better now.
 

singingwife

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Thanks for sharing, Manna. :hug::hug:It's sometimes therapeutic to let things out on that note, huh?
My journey is still relatively new; just next week it'll be 3 months. Tonight I was just sad for awhile, between trick-or-treaters. He was supposed to be there with me; even if I would do all the running to the door, he was supposed to be sitting next to me on his easy chair; laughing about having another candy! And then we would be celebrating that he's come this far; by now, had he lived, he may have actually been seeing improvement from the cancer treatments!
I would probably be thinking about the same thing if I were the age he was at his death. But, I'm older than he was, so that's irrelevant. Come the time of his birthday, which isn't too far from Easter, I may be deeply affected by songs with the number 33 in it, because he would've been turning 33........which is how old Jesus was..........
Well, thanks again for starting this thread. I'll probably need to talk a few times myself. Blessings to you, sister.
 
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singingwife

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Yeah; I'm back now. It's been 4 months now, and Christmas is coming. I'm feeling mixed. Enjoying all the Christmas stuff; the music, the decorations, the parties. I know the family gatherings will be different. I've had a few extended family gatherings since, and it's been mixed. The being thankful to get to be there, since, if my dh were still alive, we probably would not have been able to go. Just because the chemo had his immune system so compromised that he could hardly go out in public. But, still sad because he's not there with me. Only for me, though. I know he's not missing anything. I'm happy for him that he won't need his warm winter socks, and think of him when I wear them. He'd want me to wear them because I'm still here in this cold climate!
Our anniversary is on Monday. It would've been 8 years. Thankfully my in-laws have decided we're all getting together on that day. We'll all be sad together and help each other through.
Funny thing; I'm getting used to the life of being a widow, but it still really sucks. Anticipating the new year......I really don't want to. I want the old year back. Even though, at the beginning of 2008 he would say 2007 was a bad year because he was sick a lot. We would say we hoped 2008 would be better......it ultimately was for him, but not for me. Though, I did have one dark moment of reflection, wondering, would I lose him this year? Anything could happen.
Well, I hope everyone is coping all right at this not-so-wonderful time of the year; whether it's the first, second, or more.
 
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JeanR

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I've been gone for a little while. The fall was very busy--I became a grandmother. My grandson is beautiful and he has given me a sense of joy I haven't felt in awhile.

I guess I'm getting used to being a widow. I can't believe that it has been two years. He is still my love and my soulmate. I have no interest in others.
 
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memoriesbymichelle

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I've been gone for awhile too. This month it will have been 4 years on the 23rd. His birthday was the 22, so.....
It feels like it's been longer sometimes and at the same time it feels like it's only been months since he passed. I have two boys almost 15 and eleven, so they keep me pretty busy thankfully. I also am still trying to get in shape (I started last New Year's) so I go to the gym and I have a very close best friend that I get together with once a week and that I think has helped me through this the most. I started going to a new church. My old church seems like it's going no where and the youth group was next to nothing and my kids didn't want to participate, so I felt we needed to change. We had also gotten a new pastor about a year ago and I just didn't feel he was the right person, but I persevered as long as I could until it started affecting my kids. Anyway the new church is MUCH bigger (and I'm not really into big churches) but I love it and maybe I can meet some other great friends there as well. I have a love/hate relationship with being single. I love my independence and doing what I want, but then when I want to do something that usually couples do, I wish I had someone. I know I can't have it both ways, but..................
Oh well, I am just trying to seek God's will in my life cuz if it's not God's will then I don't want it (well I might want it in my flesh but not in my spirit).
 
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